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Confessions of a Police Officer

Confessions of a Police Officer

Jill Wragg / SWAT Digest








Dear Citizens, Neighbors, Friends and Family,

My name is Jill and I am a cop. That means that the pains and joys of my personal life are often muted by my work. I resent the intrusion but I confuse my self with my job almost as often as you do. The label “police officer” creates a false image of who I really am.

Sometimes I feel like I’m floating between two worlds. My work is not just protecting and serving. It’s preserving that buffer that exists in the space between what you think the world is, and what the world really is.

My job isn’t like television. The action is less frequent, and more graphic. It is not exhilarating to point a gun at someone. Pooled blood has a disgusting metallic smell and steams a little when the temperature drops. CPR isn’t an instant miracle and it’s no fun listening to an elderly grandmother’s ribs break while I keep her heart beating. I’m not flattered by your curiosity about my work.

I don’t keep a record of which incident was the most frightening, or the strangest, or the bloodiest, or even the funniest. I don’t tell you about my day because I don’t want to share the images that haunt me.

But I do have some confessions to make:

Sometimes my stereo is too loud. Andrea Bocelli’s voice makes it easier to forget the wasted body of the young man who died alone in a rented room because his family feared the stigma of AIDS. Beethoven’s 9th symphony erases the sight of the nurses who sobbed as they scrubbed layers of dirt and slime from a neglected 2-year-old’s skin.

The Rolling Stones’ angry beat assures me that it was ignorance that drove a young mother to draw blood when she bit her toddler on the cheek in an attempt to teach him not to bite.

Sometimes I set a bad example. I exceeded the speed limit on my way home from work because I had trouble shedding the adrenalin that kicked in when I discovered that the man I handcuffed during a drug raid was sitting on a loaded 9mm pistol.

Sometimes I seem rude. I was distracted and forgot to smile when you greeted me in the store because I was remembering the anguished, whispered confession of a teenager who pushed away his drowning brother to save his own life.

Sometimes I’m not as sympathetic as you’d like. I’m not concerned that your 15-year-old daughter is dating an 18-year-old because I just comforted the parents of a young man who slashed his own throat while they slept in the next bedroom. I was terse on the phone because I resented the burden of having to weigh the value of two lives when I was pointing my gun at an armed man who kept begging me to kill him.

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  • Photo_user_blank_big


    almost 3 years ago

    This klady is a cop's cop.Right on in every detail

  • Me_max50


    almost 3 years ago


    so true.Hit home...
    amd well written

  • Photo_user_blank_big


    about 3 years ago


    Very meaningful amd well written

  • Derrick_max50


    about 4 years ago


    Great article but it should have been printed in every news paper in this country because maybe then some people will learn to respect police officers for who they really are, human. GOD BLESS all officers who serve and protect to the best of their ability, keep up the great work and be safe.

  • Sesame_street_max50


    about 4 years ago


    I love this article. I was however advised that Jill had to fight to keep the copyright for this as some were using this article as their own.
    Please view this link

  • 0524001248_0001_0001_max50


    over 4 years ago


    Great job. And thats the rest of the story.

  • Photo_user_blank_big


    over 4 years ago

    that was beautiful and terrible at the same time it truly is incredible what some people have to live their lives thinking about

  • Ralphie_max50


    over 4 years ago


    Great JOB!!!!!!!

  • Me_aloof_1_max50


    over 4 years ago


    Awesome! Jill, you couldn't have said it better. To my LEO friends, family, and all other LE Officers- Thank you for everything you do, I love each and everyone of you! I can't wait till its my turn to join you as a Sister in Blue.

  • Police_edited__max50


    over 4 years ago


    Wow this is an awesome article. Well done to the author.

  • 20130324_182454_max50


    over 4 years ago


    Hoo Yah...Honor

  • Officer_2520down_2520cop_max50


    over 4 years ago


    so true.Hit home...

  • 412-4_max50


    over 4 years ago



  • My_phone_4619_max50


    over 4 years ago


    That's amazing!

  • P1010058_max50


    over 4 years ago


    Done. End of story... Does she need to say more??????

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