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Anyone in LE have any advice? sad situation!

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Posted about 7 years ago

 

My name is Ginny Lynn and I am part of a huge family.
I have an Uncle and two cousins who are LEO but they haven't been much help since they are not really involved in the family anymore
(a nasty divorce between my aunt and uncle,the boys went with dad and the girls stayed with mom).
Anyway the problem is this... my nephew has always been in awe of LE and he looked up to and bragged about our Uncle Mike and our cousins to anyone who would listen, needles to say he has wanted his whole life, to be a cop. His goals didn't change much throughout the years, only from wanting to be a beat cop to wanting to be a fed.
Well now that's changed. My sisters husband, his father was shot and killed by a cop in a nieghboring town . It was a total accident but my sister and a lot of my other family members ( small cowboy town, in the town we live in there is actually only one cop!) are very angry and my nephew now refers to cops as ... well you know.
I am very close to him as he is the only nephew I have and I know I am a bigger influence in his life than the others but his mom is not doing very well emotionally and I don't want to step on her feelings or "take sides with the officer". I really want my nephew to continue to pursue his dream and to get the heck out of this town since there is nothing here for him. Since this happend he has gone from a A student and football jock to hanging out with the not so nice kids around here. It's not like a regular town here, not a lot to do so there is a lot of drinking going on with the kids and some of te adults, here you either own land and ranck or you work for the land owner. Thats it, no McDonalds no Mall no nothing, just a lot of idle time and trouble if your'e not careful.
Any advice on what I say or do to help him see the truth?

Ltsh1_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Accident? What are the details?

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

whew...have to think on this one first before I open my mouth.

1979_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Not enough info to say anything

3734983337_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

yeah,what they said.

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

AGREED.....TO MANY OPEN AVENUES

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Well, like the other comments, I agree that I don't have enough facts, however I will actually venture this bit of info... I don't know if the officer made a mistake or not in the shooting, but ASSUMING it was a mistake I will say....

We are all human, and mistakes happen, no matter what profession.... Cops have guns, so the mistakes they make are often looked at with a microscope a little more. It's too bad they don't all work in an office, so a little white out can make it all go away. Reality is that mistakes of that nature are unlucky, but yet they do happen. I think that is important to realize.

Hope that helps, and if you can, please provide more info on the incident itself. :)

9-11-logo_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Have you asked him specifically about how and why this change has occurred?

As I think about it, it could be a lot of things. It sounds like you are assuming it is purely anger at cops in general, but it could also be the first time he has realized what a demanding career it is, how an accident in the life of a cop can be so very costly. It could be he is feeling his mortality for the first time, realizing how very vulnerable we all are-- it is a life-shaking thing, to realize that you can lose anyone at anytime, no matter how important they are to you! If there has been an investigation that has proven that the incident which killed his father is indeed accidental, he may be in a sort of shock to realize how radically life can change with no-one actually being responsible, with no recourse. Sometimes people feel like it will hurt less if someone "pays" for what has happened, and maybe he is making LE "pay" by doing away with the cop he wanted to be. As paradoxical as is sounds, he may be angry at his father, too, for "abandoning" him-- and also feel guilty about feeling angry.

My point is, Ginny Lynn, that there could be a lot of things going on inside, and he could still be in a state of acute grief and bereavement, to boot.

My best advice, without knowing more, is to have some conversations with him and really listen and try to understand exactly what is going on with him. What is it he is getting out of hanging out with these kids that he didn't used to hang out with? For awhile, let go of your desire for him to pursue his dream-- he has some important healing work to do, first, and it may be too complicated for him to sort out his feelings about what's happened immediately so he can get back to where he was before, if that is even possible.

Aside from all else, that kind of careful caring listening will help cut through isolation he may be feeling.

You might also do a bit of research on children and death. Kids grieve differently than adults, and it might help you to understand his reactions better if you learned more about the subject in general.

Good luck to him and to you-- healing does take time, but it does happen.

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

First I want to thank ChaplainKeppy, you "got" what it was that I was asking help with and after I read your advice I thought to myself wow! how simple, I then went and picked up my nephew and brought him to ride fence with me, I listened and I really think he was able to say what he needed to say because after he was finished ( screraing and sobbing uncontrollably at times) I just held onto him and assured him of God and God's idea of justice, that accidents, as tragic as some may be are not meant to be punished by an eye for an eye and it seems that he is now finding some relief from the grief. it has been about a week since we talked ( he exploded) and he has stopped partying with the guys at the river and he is spending more time at home with his mother. he has actually come back to work at the ranch and it seems the sparkle is returning. I am a little embarassed that I did not just listen before but I was afraid of causing him more damage than good, I just assumed that the counselor was handling it. I have also been treading very lightly, as you can imagine there has ben a lot of angry and sad folks around town since then and even though I am family my family is very old fashioned in our ways and you just don't side with anyone other than family so I keep my feelings about what should happen to the officer to myself and just pray for God's help in my families recovery from this which is going to have to entail forgivness as some point. Just not now it seems.
And secondly... why is that the rest of you need more infomation?
I wasn't asking your opinion on whether or not you thought the officer was in the wrong, in fact my nephews future has very little to do with how it happend. The circumstances surrounding this innocent mans death are tragic, at this point I am only interested in helping my nephew and my hope was that someone on here would have some information on maybe, some type of a on line group for children who have been through events such as this as I am sure that there are plenty of fallen officers who have died a similar death that left behind children or what about the camp that children who are interested in law enforcement, what is the name and contact info for that.
What is wrong with giving me some positive happy things about law enforcement and what it has to offer, why in the world would any of you need the details of this sensless tragedy? This experiance has left a bad taste in my mouth, it is the same as witnessing the morbid interest of the public as they all slowly drive by and gawk and a fatality accident on the highway.
But, Again I do feel like I need to say thanks to ChaplainKeppy, you are what my idea of a police officer is and should be.
And one other thing... I have read a few posts in these forums and the way 2 officers ( if they really are officers at all) conduct themselves and speak to others is disgraceful! All any libertarian group would ever need to do is to go to these forums and read the nonesense that two supposed sworn officers of the law have posted in public forums and then submit it to the public on a greater scale. What would your commanding officers think of your PR skills then? Your represnting more than just your badge! You represent officers everywhere in the United States and you obviously lack the ability to have a civil, adult and intelligent debate so perhaps you should either stop claiming to be a law enforcement officer or stop posting your asnine juvenille name calling rant in the public forums.
I still have faith in the professionalism of the majority of officers but the crap I have read from odin and val.
Your treatment of people, even other officers is a telling sign of how you handle yourself in all aspects of your life including your supposed carreer. Why would you even think it's okay to taunt and name call ANYONE while claiming to be an officer of the law, especially.
My mother raised me to treat all people respectfully, even if their acting disrespectfully and to be able to do so proves a persons character superior.
What did your mothers teach you? Especially Val, maybe it's because I was raised in the south and where my family comes from women are expected to carry themselves with class and cooth at all times, it is shameful to do otherwise.
I have no doubt I am not welcome back at this point and it truly is alright with me, I will take the good part of this experiance with me to share with my nephew and I will move on to the next web site that supports the sworn officers of the law in hopes of finding a group that will indeed welcome it's members and represent the uniform and their badges in a good light.