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Police Academy for a Single Parent

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Posted over 1 year ago

 

 I am writing this post to seek insight from others who may have been in this situation before. I appreciate any helpful responses.


I am a single father of a 2 year old boy. His mother is not in the picture and states away and I have been offered a spot in the State Police Academy. This academy allows you to leave the training facility on Friday evenings and returning on Sunday afternoon/evening. My son is so used to being with me and I am concerned that he may feel abandonment with me being gone most of the week for 20 straight weeks. I do intend to pursue this opportunity because it has always been my goal, but has anybody on these forums been in a similar situation, even if it wasn't specifically the Police Academy? If so, how did your child respond or change between the time you started and the time you graduated?


Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated.

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

My suggestion is to discuss with academy personnel for direction. What about your parents watching your child? I hope you receive responses from other members. I certainly wish you well.

Vpsomourningband_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

Two year olds are resilient and brilliant!  They understand a lot more than most adults give them credit for.  They also know how to put the ol' guilt trip on us too!  haha  Jokes aside, he will be fine.  Just explain it to him in simple terms - that you are going to work and will be gone for a few days (they have no real concept of time).  When you return try to spend as much time with him as possible.  And he will be clingy which means he missed you.


Good luck to you!


DL


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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

 Hey Uncle Dennis,


I have asked my parents and they said they would consider it, but they can't tell me for sure =/. Thank you


 


DonnaLynn,


Thanks for the words of encouragement, I hope that is how it will be. I just hope our bond stays just as strong. The way I see it, I need to do this as it is only 20 weeks of my life which will hopefully result in a long, fulfilling career. But it is still very hard as his mom left just 3 months ago and I will now be leaving for the academy soon and I just don't want him to think the worst. It makes it even harder that he can't tell me how he feels yet.


I will make the best of the situation, whatever that may be.

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

20 weeks is a very long time for a child that age. You are right to worry he may suffer being that his mother recently left him.  I would check with a professional about how best to cope.


I wonder if you can Skype.  My friend's husband is an MP in the USN and goes on long deployments overseas.  His two-year old son loved it when my friend put the laptop on the dinner table so Daddy could eat with them.  Dunno if Skype is allowed Police Academies.

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

 Makes sense Marly, I think I will seek professional guidance. The Skype is something I was definitely going to do, but I heard that they allow electronics in the dorms, but they do not have internet service.


I am going to email a recruiter right now to ask them if they ever make any accomodations for these types of situations.


 


Thanks for responding

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

You have a very good idea, North.  You will perform better with more confidence knowing you have taken care of your son's needs first.


When I was two, my mother had divorced my father, then got the opportunity to go to Paris for a couple of months with her best friend, a movie actress - all expenses paid.  My mother was only 21.  She went.  I stayed with Grandma.  Grandma also hired a nanny. 


Grandma said I broke out in raging red eczema all over my arms and legs and was swollen and miserable.  Grandma tried everything to make it go away, but nothing worked.  


Within a week of my mother's return, the eczema vanished completely.  Grandma always said, "You missed your mother.  That's all it was."


Like Uncledennis, I too hope more single-parent LEOs respond here.  Keep us posted! 

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

north1992 says ...



 Makes sense Marly, I think I will seek professional guidance. The Skype is something I was definitely going to do, but I heard that they allow electronics in the dorms, but they do not have internet service.


I am going to email a recruiter right now to ask them if they ever make any accomodations for these types of situations.


 


Thanks for responding



Buy and air card... do they still have those?


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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

 Or a "hot spot" or find out how to tether your cellphone to the computer to use the phone's data connection to access the Internet/skype.


Although not directly on point, my agency had a family orientation day just prior to our academy start date, so that they could hear how life would be for us and them during training. Ours was not a live-in academy and it was directed towards spouses and significant others, so the information was different, but your academy may have something similar.


Perhaps you could take him up there before you report to show him where you'll be and talk about what you'll be doing. It maybe easier for him to understand where you are when your away if he's been there to see it for himself.

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

The expert you consult will have all kinds of ideas and you might try researching on the net now to come up with a plan.  Surely, military spouses have all sorts of things they do during long deployments.  Adopt their strategies to your situation.  Am I correct your boy is not already keeping company with other children?  If he is, who are his best playmates?


You might try this, if you can...but consult an expert here to make sure it's a good idea.  What if you try not to leave him abruptly? 


Find ways to let your son know Daddy is coming back.  First take a night or two away from home, then several days or more prior to your going into academy. Bring a nice toy each time you come back and do something special together. 


Try getting your son used to the sound of your voice over the phone while you are gone.  Try to make him laugh over the phone.  Use your special 'pretend' voices. Talk about coming home, toys and fun. Then, maybe you can 'send a toy' from the academy.  Fortunately, all boys that age love anything 'police' and that includes super-heroes.  Speaker phones are valuable.  If your chatter or song puts him to sleep...Success!


If you have a piece of clothing you always wear, a special t-shirt, maybe that can go on his teddy so he can hug you.  Make sure it smells of you - if you wear some kind of cologne it might help.  Music is helpful as you can listen to it together before you go and do some movement with it.  Then, he can move to it while you are gone. 


Anything that appeals to the senses and gives your son delight can serve as a conduit between him and you when you are apart.


Be sure you leave him in the care of someone who knows how to play, has agreeable children and will keep anchor him down to a very regular schedule.

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

 Hey Marly, those are some great suggestions, I would probably not have thought of many of those ideas but they all make sense and would help the situation. Thank you!


It is also interesting what you said about breaking out with eczema. I too am only 21. My son has always had a very MILD case of eczema, but now that I think about it, ever since his mom left, it has been pretty bad on his arms (I'll ask his doctor if that is common when I go).


Metro, I appreciate the suggestion to bring him up to the Academy before it begins. Maybe if they let me I can bring him up there every week when I return on Sunday and let him know that I have to go back to work and I love him, etc. If I am wearing my uniform/training clothes when I depart from him, he will probably realize I am working because everyday when I get ready for work and put my uniform on, he always goes to the door because he knows he is going to see the sitter.


And there has to be some kind of technology out there that can get me decent enough internet to Skype.


 


Wow, really everybody, thank you for all the insight and ideas.... I feel a little more prepared for this as your ideas have given me even more ideas. I will keep you guys updated on my situation during the academy and after if you guys are interested.


Feel free to post any ideas still if any pop in yours heads though..I'll keep checking!


 


 

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Rate This | Posted 11 months ago

 

 Just an update.....


The academy starts two weeks from today and I worked it out so my parents will be watching him along with the babysitter 40 hours/week. It still hasn't sunk in yet that I won't see him very much, but I am sure once it is over I will see him as much as I normally do.


I know this is an older post but if anybody has any other ideas of keeping a close connection with my son while I am away, I will definitely take it all in. (Keep in mind that electronic devices, including cell phones, are prohibited at my academy)


 


 


 

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Rate This | Posted 11 months ago

 

north1992 says ...



 Just an update.....


The academy starts two weeks from today and I worked it out so my parents will be watching him along with the babysitter 40 hours/week. It still hasn't sunk in yet that I won't see him very much, but I am sure once it is over I will see him as much as I normally do.


I know this is an older post but if anybody has any other ideas of keeping a close connection with my son while I am away, I will definitely take it all in. (Keep in mind that electronic devices, including cell phones, are prohibited at my academy)


 


 


 I am glad things are working out for you and as far as Skype or if you have an Iphone you can do facetime with him. Good luck and keep us up on your progress.



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Rate This | Posted 11 months ago

 

Why not communicate with him by email or text?

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Rate This | Posted 11 months ago

 

 That isn't really an option. Phones aren't allowed in there. They allow you to make a phone call with the building phone at some points throughout the week, just not sure the frequency.

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Rate This | Posted 11 months ago

 

uncledennis1 says ...



Why not communicate with him by email or text?



12/24/13 Shetland I am not sure how smart his 2 year old son is but I am pretty sure he doesn't text or email just yet. Maybe next year when he gets a drivers license LMAO.


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Rated +1 | Posted 11 months ago

 

bill9823 says ...



uncledennis1 says ...



Why not communicate with him by email or text?



12/24/13 Shetland I am not sure how smart his 2 year old son is but I am pretty sure he doesn't text or email just yet. Maybe next year when he gets a drivers license LMAO.



Last night I decided not to touch that... way to go Bill!  LOL


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Rated +2 | Posted 5 months ago

 

 To update.....


I graduated the academy a couple of weeks ago and I am back with my son again full time. It turned out to not be so bad. He had a good time with my parents, and he was young enough so that he didn't really understand what was going on and he kind of just went with the flow of things.


 


 

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Rate This | Posted 5 months ago

 

 Congrats and good luck. Now enjoy some time with your son.

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Rated +1 | Posted 5 months ago

 

north1992 says ...



 To update.....


I graduated the academy a couple of weeks ago and I am back with my son again full time. It turned out to not be so bad. He had a good time with my parents, and he was young enough so that he didn't really understand what was going on and he kind of just went with the flow of things.


 


 



WTG, kids are resilient and manage quit well, we are the ones that suffer. When do you start with the PD?


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Rate This | Posted 5 months ago

 

Congratulations!  I'm glad you were the only one traumatized.  LOL  just kidding!


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Rate This | Posted 5 months ago

 

Congrats to you my friend.Enjoy a successful career and a loving son,as well.

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Rate This | Posted 5 months ago

 

Glad your fears were allayed and your career is advancing.  Now you can devote time to being a great father. 

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Rate This | Posted 5 months ago

 

 Thank you all.


It's definitely nice being home with him. I started at my post on June 2nd, two days after the academy ended. So far I am having a blast.