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Advice for a new girlfriend of an Officer!

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Posted about 1 year ago

 

 Hey y'all! I'm very excited that I found this forum as being the girlfriend of a Police Officer is new to me and I would really love a place to talk and connect with others and get advice. My brother is a cop so the territory isn't completely foreign. I understand all the hardships and worries that come along with loving a police officer, but I'm still pretty nervous. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months. Right now he's working his way through the police academy but he will graduate from that in September. There have already been a few changes and adjustments that I've had to get used to but I know that things will only get harder once he actually starts the job and is in active duty. I was just wondering if there was any advice y'all could give me? I want to be as supportive as I can be because I need my police officer to come home to me safely. Just him doing basic ride-alongs had me worried so I'm fearful for when he starts all his night calls for different crimes. Thinking about going to sleep without knowing where he is or how he's doing is something I doubt I'll ever get used to but I would love any advice. Or just someone to talk to!


Thanks and God bless! :)

White_shirt_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

Relax and take a deep breath. You may be way over thinking this.

Eagle_and_flag_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted about 1 year ago

 

You'll always be worried about him. That's the nature of the relationship. You will become accustomed to the lifestyle and the inherant changes that go along with it.


Whatever you do (and I've seen it happen within my Department), don't call him on his cell phone at work to complain about things at home or continue an earlier argument. When he's at work, he needs to stay focused; not just for his own safety, but for the safety of those working with him.


Give him time to adjust, and take time yourself to adjust. The two of you will grow into this together.


Good Luck!!


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White_shirt_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

I agree with Timmy. Keep drama to a minimum.

Somegiveall_max160_max160_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

hi crissy and welcome to policelink and welcome to the law enforcement family.  It is indeed a family and as you and yours  grow within the family it will be there more for you.  You will meet other officers wives and girlfriends, other than those you will meet on this site, who can help you and guide you through some of the more challengeing times and situations. you have thus far received some good and valuable response from members but i would encourage you to hang around for awhile and wait till some of the wives and girlfriends on this site to read your post and give you their insight as none of us cops can. We can only imagine the fears and frustrations and concerns our significant others experience daily. I myself was fortunate that my partner for many years had a wonderful wife and family and we spent many off duty hours at each others homes and shared holidays, births, ups and downs together. I will say that many not of the law enforcement community have a realistic idea of the stresses our job has on relationships.  If you are serious about this man, maintain your own life and career, allow him to do the same with his and love him and support him as best as you can and understand not many wives or girlfriends can be proud of the man in their lives who daily puts his life on the line to protect and support the citizens of our country.  God bless you and all the best wishes to you and yours.

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

I think all 36TR's advice is spot on!   In Character and Cops: Ethics and Policing,  DeLattre lists factors that lead to burn-out and worse.  He admonishes LEOs not to leave the house in mid-harangue because it causes preoccupation during the shift, compromises focus and compounds stress. 


36TR says ...



You'll always be worried about him. That's the nature of the relationship. You will become accustomed to the lifestyle and the inherant changes that go along with it.


Whatever you do (and I've seen it happen within my Department), don't call him on his cell phone at work to complain about things at home or continue an earlier argument. When he's at work, he needs to stay focused; not just for his own safety, but for the safety of those working with him.


Give him time to adjust, and take time yourself to adjust. The two of you will grow into this together.


Good Luck!!


Picture_day_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

What Uncle Dennis said!


 


"People sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. "

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

You have received good advice here, especially from ssu459.  A more dangerous (in terms of being killed due to work) occupation is firefighter.  Many occupations are more dangerous that LEO, and LEO's can do a lot to reduce their likelyhood of being serious injured or killed.  Something as simple as always using their seatbelt can improve their safety.  even if your boyfriend decided to become an accountant (considered to be one of the safest occupations if not he safest), he could still be hit  and killed by a drunk driver on his way home from the office.  Actually being a police office probably makes him safer that most other people in the fact that even off duty, he is probably more aware of what is going on around him than most people and less likely then to end up in a potentially fatal situation.

25-1-13-a_1__max50

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Rated +1 | Posted about 1 year ago

 

This is three (3) similarly worded posts about the same similar subject.


1)  "My boyfriend just got into the academy" - girlfriend of three (3) years worried that the academy might change him in some way and that she will lose him - the O/P went anonymous


2)  "My significant other is training to be a cop" - The girlfriend is wondering about other opportunities the boyfriend (no specific time dating) will have upon finishing the academy, almost as if to do an end around of a patrol assignment - the O/P went anonymous


3)  and now this one - "Advice for a new girlfriend of an officer" - The girlfriend of nine (9) months who already finds herself having to adjust to the changes.


Crissy, I must apologize for my skeptisism and will attempt to give you the benifit of the doubt as I attempt to answer your question.  Law enforcement is a job / profession like no other.  There are stresses in the academy which will pail in comparison withthe stresses of his initial field training (FTO).  He will be on shifts that will decrease the amount of time you will have together.  Add in his court appearances and other additional and on-going training.  He is the low man on the pole and will not get the most ideal shift assignment once he comes off of his FTO phase.  In fact he may not see a decent shift for several years.  He will deal with the worst of the worst his area has to offer.  He will see things that most people would never be able to comprehend.  He may not tell you everything that goes on.  He will struggle internally as to what he may tell you and what he wants to protect you and the family from.  Through it all, you need to be there for him.  You need to be willing to listen when he wants to talk and willing to just stay quiet and not press if he choses not to.  Somehow he will have to find that balance of seperating home from work and work from home.


ALL marriages have thier fair share of disagreements and some may lead into arguments and fights.  As mentioned earlier by one of my esteemed colleagues, he should NEVER be sent off to work with bad feelings at home caused by disagreements and arguments that have gotten out of control.  Bad things sometimes happen to us in LE, the worst case scenario is that we may not come home in the traditional sense.  Leaving for work with bad feelings after a heated argument can and will lead to his being distracted.  For you, the last thing you want to have on your mind and hanging over your head when you open the door to find representitives from the department who proceed to tell you that something happened to your boyfriend / husband officer, is the fight that occurred just before he left and all the mean and nasty things that were said.


He needs your love and support.... ALL OF IT..... ALL THE TIME.  Take the available off time when the two of you can actually get it to spend with each other, doing things that you both enjoy doing.  Get away from the nastyness that is the work environment that he spends the rest of his time in.  Tell him on a regular basis how proud you are of him, what he does to bring love and joy into the home and provide for the two of you or your family as it may grow and that you LOVE him.  Make your home the safe heaven that he needs and wants to come home to at the end of every shift.  Together, seek the assistance of counseling to help get the two of you through the rough spots.


I wish the two of you Good Luck

100_1750_max50

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Rated +2 | Posted about 1 year ago

 

 I have been married to a police officer for many years. Like all the other replies you do get used to the lifestyle. He will most likely work nights for several years. That is an adjustment in itself. I worry...my husband was involved in a chase and apprehention of four armed bank robbers yesterday. He is fully trained. God willing he will come home after every shift. There is never an easy answer for questions like these.


I kiss and hug my husband every morning before he leaves. I tell him I love him and say a little prayer. Police officers make many sacrifices. Their spouses do also.


I wish you the best of luck. He is still the same person.

Cruise_2014_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

SkoolCop says ...



This is three (3) similarly worded posts about the same similar subject.


1)  "My boyfriend just got into the academy" - girlfriend of three (3) years worried that the academy might change him in some way and that she will lose him - the O/P went anonymous


2)  "My significant other is training to be a cop" - The girlfriend is wondering about other opportunities the boyfriend (no specific time dating) will have upon finishing the academy, almost as if to do an end around of a patrol assignment - the O/P went anonymous


3)  and now this one - "Advice for a new girlfriend of an officer" - The girlfriend of nine (9) months who already finds herself having to adjust to the changes.



I was thinking the same thing. And I know it's more than just my suspicious cop nature. My spidey senses are tingling big time. 


Otherwise, crissy, heed the good advice from the other posters. I married my best friend while I was in the academy and we just celebrated our 25th last October. She went through a lot with me (good, bad, and ugly) but she still tells me that I'm a wonderful guy and loves me very much (and I lover her too). Like KCecala said, she also kissed me every morning and told me to come home safe everyday. I know she worried about me (she asked me to call her when my shift ended so she knew I was okay - I had an hour ride home and she didn't need to hold her breath). 


PL MENTORING TEAM MEMBER

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White_shirt_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

I find it suspicious that we have three post similiar in nature. Could the author be the same person?

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

 Thank you all for all the great advice. It really does help hearing different perspectives and it's good to know that my support really does go a long way! I did read the other 2 threads and found some great advice from them as well, I just wanted to post one of my own so that I could kind of introduce myself to this new community! I really appreciate the time y'all took to answer my question and give me advice! I'm here to return the favor or just to chat if needed! :)

25-1-13-a_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

countrygirl6 says ...



 Thank you all for all the great advice. It really does help hearing different perspectives and it's good to know that my support really does go a long way! I did read the other 2 threads and found some great advice from them as well, I just wanted to post one of my own so that I could kind of introduce myself to this new community! I really appreciate the time y'all took to answer my question and give me advice! I'm here to return the favor or just to chat if needed! :)



Hello Crissy, to introduce yourself is why the site has an introduction thread request as part of the TOU's.  It helps eliminate some of the suspicion when there are similar threads that seem to come in short order about the very same topic.  Watch your boyfriend..... I will bet over time you will see him become like us.... suspicious about everyone.


On the topic, one of the biggest problems I see in the choice of a career in LE by one of the parties in a relationship is when the other party is not fully on board with the idea.  I have seen the other party seem supportive on one side only to find out that they were entertaining the thought only to appease the partner when against it from the start.  He needs to know Crissy, that you are all the way in.


It may seem somewhat corny but I always recommend to someone like you that they watch the Dragnet episode (season 4 episode 1) called " Personnel: The Shooting" where a veteran training officer and his trainee / rookie partner are both shot as they happen upon a robbery in progress.  The episode focuses of the wives of the two officers.  The wife of the veteran officer is supportive of her husband and makes attempts to help the other wife who is angry over her husbands' career choice.  The veteran wife talks about why she supports her husband in his choice of a LE career.  In the end, one officer survives his wounds and the other does not.


www . hulu . com / watch / 55230#i0 , p72 , d0


 To watch, cut and paste the link and backspace the gaps to put the link together.  One other piece of advice...... If you choose to watch, have box or two of Kleenex at the ready.

Cruise_2014_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

SkoolCop says ...



countrygirl6 says ...



 Thank you all for all the great advice. It really does help hearing different perspectives and it's good to know that my support really does go a long way! I did read the other 2 threads and found some great advice from them as well, I just wanted to post one of my own so that I could kind of introduce myself to this new community! I really appreciate the time y'all took to answer my question and give me advice! I'm here to return the favor or just to chat if needed! :)



Hello Crissy, to introduce yourself is why the site has an introduction thread request as part of the TOU's.  It helps eliminate some of the suspicion when there are similar threads that seem to come in short order about the very same topic.  Watch your boyfriend..... I will bet over time you will see him become like us.... suspicious about everyone.


On the topic, one of the biggest problems I see in the choice of a career in LE by one of the parties in a relationship is when the other party is not fully on board with the idea.  I have seen the other party seem supportive on one side only to find out that they were entertaining the thought only to appease the partner when against it from the start.  He needs to know Crissy, that you are all the way in.


It may seem somewhat corny but I always recommend to someone like you that they watch the Dragnet episode (season 4 episode 1) called " Personnel: The Shooting" where a veteran training officer and his trainee / rookie partner are both shot as they happen upon a robbery in progress.  The episode focuses of the wives of the two officers.  The wife of the veteran officer is supportive of her husband and makes attempts to help the other wife who is angry over her husbands' career choice.  The veteran wife talks about why she supports her husband in his choice of a LE career.  In the end, one officer survives his wounds and the other does not.


www . hulu . com / watch / 55230#i0 , p72 , d0


 To watch, cut and paste the link and backspace the gaps to put the link together.  One other piece of advice...... If you choose to watch, have box or two of Kleenex at the ready.



Since we're using the wayback machine, you should also check out an old episode of Adam-12 where they tell a similar story from the partner's point of view. I don't have a Hulu account so you'll have to look around.


PL MENTORING TEAM MEMBER

"Don't underestimate the drawing power of the Garden State." From the film "Dogma"

Trying to stay sane in an insane world...

25-1-13-a_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

BigNTS says ...



SkoolCop says ...



countrygirl6 says ...



 .....SNIP.....



.....SNIP.....


www . hulu . com / watch / 55230#i0 , p72 , d0


 To watch, cut and paste the link and backspace the gaps to put the link together.  One other piece of advice...... If you choose to watch, have box or two of Kleenex at the ready.



Since we're using the wayback machine, you should also check out an old episode of Adam-12 where they tell a similar story from the partner's point of view. I don't have a Hulu account so you'll have to look around.



I don't have an account either but have been able to watch the shows I want.  I am looking for the link to yours.  If I am not mistaken, it is near the end of the show's run where Reed receives the medal af valor for saving the life of Maloy.  Reed's wife all of a sudden has misgivings because it was Maloy and could easily have been Reed that got shot.

Cruise_2014_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

SkoolCop says ...



BigNTS says ...



SkoolCop says ...



countrygirl6 says ...



 .....SNIP.....



.....SNIP.....


www . hulu . com / watch / 55230#i0 , p72 , d0


 To watch, cut and paste the link and backspace the gaps to put the link together.  One other piece of advice...... If you choose to watch, have box or two of Kleenex at the ready.



Since we're using the wayback machine, you should also check out an old episode of Adam-12 where they tell a similar story from the partner's point of view. I don't have a Hulu account so you'll have to look around.



I don't have an account either but have been able to watch the shows I want.  I am looking for the link to yours.  If I am not mistaken, it is near the end of the show's run where Reed receives the medal af valor for saving the life of Maloy.  Reed's wife all of a sudden has misgivings because it was Maloy and could easily have been Reed that got shot.



That's the one. (You're good.)


PL MENTORING TEAM MEMBER

"Don't underestimate the drawing power of the Garden State." From the film "Dogma"

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25-1-13-a_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

BigNTS says ...



SkoolCop says ...



BigNTS says ...



SkoolCop says ...



countrygirl6 says ...



 .....SNIP.....



.....SNIP.....


www . hulu . com / watch / 55230#i0 , p72 , d0


 To watch, cut and paste the link and backspace the gaps to put the link together.  One other piece of advice...... If you choose to watch, have box or two of Kleenex at the ready.



Since we're using the wayback machine, you should also check out an old episode of Adam-12 where they tell a similar story from the partner's point of view. I don't have a Hulu account so you'll have to look around.



I don't have an account either but have been able to watch the shows I want.  I am looking for the link to yours.  If I am not mistaken, it is near the end of the show's run where Reed receives the medal af valor for saving the life of Maloy.  Reed's wife all of a sudden has misgivings because it was Maloy and could easily have been Reed that got shot.



That's the one. (You're good.)



Dragnet and Adam 12...... Inspirational television when I was a kid, lol.  If I am not mistaken, it is preceeded by Reed going under cover on a heroin caper or similar UC drug caper.  Reeds wife wasn't all too happy about the UC detail either.  Malloy gets shot during the raid and Reed saves him.

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

I can understand ,as you say,you want your Police Officer to come home safely.The best thing you can do is to march right into that Police Academy and present them with a list of assignments that will be acceptable to you,upon his graduation.I worked with a large P.D. for some twenty five years,prior to my going to a smaller dept. for two years and two Sheriffs Depts.I'm certain the boyfriend will be so terribly excited to work ,Telephone Report Unit,Building Security,Data Review,Desk,Capt's Aide,Police Community Relations,garage Security,Crimina listics,property Room  and writing grants for twenty five years.

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Rated +1 | Posted about 1 year ago

 

ssu459 says ...



I can understand ,as you say,you want your Police Officer to come home safely.The best thing you can do is to march right into that Police Academy and present them with a list of assignments that will be acceptable to you,upon his graduation.I worked with a large P.D. for some twenty five years,prior to my going to a smaller dept. for two years and two Sheriffs Depts.I'm certain the boyfriend will be so terribly excited to work ,Telephone Report Unit,Building Security,Data Review,Desk,Capt's Aide,Police Community Relations,garage Security,Crimina listics,property Room  and writing grants for twenty five years.



You sir, are going to get the cadet in trouble before he even starts, lol.

Bronzestarribbon_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

Welcome to PL. Good advice here...

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

Anonymous says ...



 Thank you all for all the great advice. It really does help hearing different perspectives and it's good to know that my support really does go a long way! I did read the other 2 threads and found some great advice from them as well, I just wanted to post one of my own so that I could kind of introduce myself to this new community! I really appreciate the time y'all took to answer my question and give me advice! I'm here to return the favor or just to chat if needed! :)


 


Well I guess you won't be here to return the favor....


25-1-13-a_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

Wow...... She didn't stay here a whole lot longer than the other ones.

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

 Somebody's gotta keep an eye on her man or else he might stray. 


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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

I fear some individuals believe that Police work consists of some afternoon tea gig with the  local Welcome Wagon Committee.

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

ssu459 says ...



I fear some individuals believe that Police work consists of some afternoon tea gig with the  local Welcome Wagon Committee.


 



You mean...IT DOESN'T?!? Damn! They had me fooled for 25 years!!!!


PL MENTORING TEAM MEMBER

"Don't underestimate the drawing power of the Garden State." From the film "Dogma"

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

.Of course there will always be an element of danger in any profession,it's to be expected in this one.It's NOT for the squeemish.That holds true for the boyfriend/girlfriend and spouse,as well.If the young lady cannot support him this relationship is D.O.A.Perchance she'll be happy if he's flipping burgers at McDonalds..

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

hahaha KCecala yeah does kinda look like "Anonyrude."  And just when I was waiting for you to add that cops' wives advise cops' wives that they also have to learn how to set boundaries...as part of being 'loving and supportive.'  And that doing so really helps such marriages endure.  Something I didn't see covered in this thread!


On the other hand, maybe the info I got from a cop's wife is waaay off-base??  Mebbe.  But somehow... I get the impression that cops' wives ARE NOT exactly 'wilting flowers' in hoops and crinolines, heaving and panting and fanning themselves furiously on the veranda.  Innit?


KCecala says ...



Anonymous says ...



 Thank you all for all the great advice. It really does help hearing different perspectives and it's good to know that my support really does go a long way! I did read the other 2 threads and found some great advice from them as well, I just wanted to post one of my own so that I could kind of introduce myself to this new community! I really appreciate the time y'all took to answer my question and give me advice! I'm here to return the favor or just to chat if needed! :)


 


Well I guess you won't be here to return the favor....