Off Duty Forums >> Police Family Life >> My boyfriend just got into the police academy

Rate

My boyfriend just got into the police academy

2,267 Views
13 Replies Flag as inappropriate

0 posts

back to top

Posted over 1 year ago

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years. He just got accepted into the academy and will be starting this week. I am so nervous about him going into the academy and becoming apart. I think that what I am most afraid of, is losing him. I am just afraid that the academy might break us apart. I am so use to seeing him all the time and being around him alot. I am so afraid of him changing. I was just hoping to get some advice on how to help him get through the academy and how to help me through it as well. 

Santawink_max50

9798 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

italia12 says ...



My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years. He just got accepted into the academy and will be starting this week. I am so nervous about him going into the academy and becoming apart. I think that what I am most afraid of, is losing him. I am just afraid that the academy might break us apart or that he might meet someone else while in the academy. I am so use to seeing him all the time and being around him alot. I am so afraid of him changing. I was just hoping to get some advice on how to help him get through the academy and how to help me through it as well. 



7/7/13 He will be too busy taking classes to find time for anyone else much less you. You need to just be there for him as a sounding board until you both get a feel for the job. It is not easy for him nor you.


"The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of moral crisis, do nothing." Dante

MODERATOR #2
PL Mentoring Team Member

Photobucket Honoring Our Fallen

Images_max50

6020 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

Your concerns are real. And yes, there will be some 'apart' time while he is in the academy and eventually when he is a working officer.


You're deal is this: Will you accept his chosen vocation? If not, you might as well have a very important chat with him.


I have told every academy class that I have taught this simple item: You have to have a buy-in from your family. No, you don't need their permission but they have to support you. If not, the outcome will not usually be successful, ... for anyone.


The Guy !
Photobucket

Honoring the Fallen

White_shirt_max50

5092 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

I am curious if it is an 8 to 5 academy where he comes home daily or if he stays at the academy and returns home on weekends? You may be overthinking this. What is your age?

Tribal_cat_tattoo__2__max50

1953 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

Why do you feel the Academy may change him, such that you will lose him?  


Are you worried about losing him because you will not be able to spend as much time with him?  


As Bill mentioned, this will be a struggle for both of you, however if you both love each other, your time apart should not matter during this time. He will be there for you at the end if your love is strong enough.  


One thing I want to emphasis to anyone who is going through their career where it takes long hours of work and determination... the partner they are with should be supportive, listen, and understand that the future could be a brighter one.  Becoming more independent is key, and not dependent on him, i.e seeing him "a lot".


Now... if it is the type of work he is choosing to do, become a Police Officer, that you are afraid of.. that is an entirely different story.  


Either way, as TheSarge stated, you need to discuss your feelings with him. That is very important.


Good luck to both of you.


 


 


"Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." - Ronald Reagan

25-1-13-a_1__max50

2250 posts

back to top
+1

Rated +1 | Posted over 1 year ago

 

Questions.... and not necessarilly in order of importance as they are all important:


1) Are you concerned about him getting hurt or killed on the job?


2) Are you worried he will find a new fling?


3) Are you worried that he will not find you appealing?


4) Are you worried that he will be so busy with training and supposing he graduates, his new work schedule to make time for you?


5) Were you fine with all of this until low and behold he got hired and now has a start date and your real feelings of his career choice are beginning to manifest themselves?


All of these things should have been thouroughly discussed prior to his applying, getting hired or attending the academy.  He is going to require ALL of your support while attending the academy.  As earlier mentioned by others, he will be too busy trying to make the grade and graduate to look at other women but he will not have all the time in the world for you either.  He will be studying.  He will be getting his uniform of the day ready for the next day.  He will be writing reports.  He will be studying for tests.  He may have to run quick errands to pick up additional equipment  or study guides.  He may be in a study group as he and his fellow cadets (some of them women) help each other to succeed.  He may ask you to run some of those errands.  Somewhere in all of that, he is going to need to sleep.  You need to be supportive or you will be a major distraction.


A good female friend of mine was in the academy class ahead of me.  Her husband wasn't exactly as supportive of her career choice once she was hired and started the academy.  I knew him also for a period of several years before they were married.  I knew each and every time they had been fighting or have had other stresses because each following day, her attention span was shortened and her test scores took a major hit.  His behavior was not fair to her.  She supported him in his career choice.... He owed it to her to be honest from the start if he really did not want her to be LE.  You likewise owe it to him.....  Talk to him about your fears or concerns and then either get on board, ALL THE WAY ON BOARD and support him or end your relationship now, before it hurts his chances of graduating.  Sounds harsh?  Maybe it is but he deserves someone that will support him in every way and all the way.

25-1-13-a_1__max50

2250 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

cricket cricket cricket

Cruise_2014_max50

2619 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

 What gets me is that the responses have not been as vitriolic (college word alert, Tim) as some others posts from newbies. Have to wonder what scared her off...


PL MENTORING TEAM MEMBER

"Don't underestimate the drawing power of the Garden State." From the film "Dogma"

Trying to stay sane in an insane world...

25-1-13-a_1__max50

2250 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

BigNTS says ...



 What gets me is that the responses have not been as vitriolic (college word alert, Tim) as some others posts from newbies. Have to wonder what scared her off...



An inward look at the truth...... Just a hunch. 

0 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

 My boyfriend is also working his way through the police academy so I really do understand how you feel. Although it's been difficult adjusting to not being able to see him regularly or at normal times, I can honestly say that he, as a person, has not changed. He's gotten more serious about his job and is sometimes exhausted when we do hangout, but he's just as sweet and loving and supportive as he's ever been. Things do get very trying for me though, sometimes it feels like I don't have a boyfriend at all, but I'm just so proud of him and so excited that he's pursuing his dream that it's really hard for me to complain. That being said, I would love someone to talk to that's going through the same experiences, so if you need to chat, I'm here for support! 

Tribal_cat_tattoo__2__max50

1953 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

I think the OP was afraid of losing her boyfriend because she was too dependent on him... her saying she spends "alot" of time with him, "afraid I will lose him", "the academy will change him".... etc.. 


That was my take on it...


"Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." - Ronald Reagan

021_max50

60 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

wow...its the time they need the most support...and people are whining about separation and how tough its going to be..its a profession not a job...so either suck it or move on...cause your going to cause someone to get hurt!!

Cool-santa1_max50

8376 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

BigNTS says ...



 What gets me is that the responses have not been as vitriolic (college word alert, Tim) as some others posts from newbies. Have to wonder what scared her off...



LOL: Had to look that one up Nick, although I kinda figured what the meaning would be. 


In GOD We Trust (All others get searched, then checked through NCIC)

MODERATOR #10

Photobucket

IN HONOR OF OUR FALLEN