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Emotional Toll

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Posted over 1 year ago

 

I am deleting because I ended it. I am sad, but relieved that its over and I am avoiding any and all contact with him (including mutual hang outs- I will just find different places to spend my time to avoid running into him). Thank you all for your support


Much love to those who helped me see the forest for the trees.


WakeMe

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

I find this to be an interesting, if not very strange first post.  You leave out some personal information about you and your significant other as to your specific ages.  You speak about his former relationship or marriage but not what kinds of relationships you have had previous to this one with him.  You do not speak of any children you may have, if any.  Given your otherwise detailed (to say nothing of BIZZARE) story about what appears to have characteristics of "STALKING" to say the least, I would ask you this...... IF you had a daughter and she came to you with this same story about some guy she was dating or otherwise seeing, would you recommend that she stay in this relationship?

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

SkoolCop you are a better man than I, Gunga Din.  I am TRYING to read the OP's novel.  My raw eyeballs are about to spurt blood. 


wakeme007 - Howzabout you edit your post?  As in INDENT!! 

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

So you can be stalked at this level and it doesn't get you angry?  That is probably the most interesting thing in your account, wakeme007.  Are you female, by the way?


Looks like you are in love with this man because he used to be a cop, in spite of or because of his mental issues.  This kind of guy can be really needy.  In a BAD way.


The Creep Factor on this guy is high.  You friends noticed it at the outset.  LEOs professionalism while interacting with civilians is paramount.  This guy has problems with hyper-vigilance to the point he can barely make it across the room.  Maybe there are other reasons he quit the force.  Or was asked to go.  That's worth investigating.


 


wakeme007 says ...



 First, I apologize if I am posting in the wrong place, I realize that noone here is able to give professional counselng and I am not seeking that. I am looking for other women (or men) who have been involved with or dated/married into law enforcement and found over time that their signifigant other/spouse had deep rooted emotional disturbance possibly caused from the job in part, or maybe not - I just dont know. An example: Here is my story.


A year ago I met a man who was a police officer for 15 years, (he is 43) got out (5 years ago) for a couple of reasons being stress on his marriage and he was tired of being ejected into these situations that he had little control over, domestics, violent crimes etc... and shortly after leaving the PD, he went through a pretty nasty divorce after 17 years of marriage. He has always acted a little strange and just weird when I first met him, all of my friends thought he was creepy and too inquizative because he asks new people alot of questions.(SNIP)


 


Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

A guy who disappears for four days, then establishes an "on/off pattern" has got something else.  Could be a wife.  Could be a girl-friend.  Can also be binge-drinking, gambling.  Could be he's gay, in torment about it, confused and  locked so far in the closet you would never guess. 


If I were to EVER  tolerate this abusive and creepy behavior in another dimension in outerspace, I would go into a full-blown CSI mode.  I like the fact you sniffed his shirt for "traces of other places."  lol


I would be noting the date, time and length of disappearances, checking out his car, especially his tires. Has it occured to you he actually IS with someone else those times he watches you 'from the corner'?  Like...on the other side of the bar near the front door? Or...waiting patiently in his car?  Guys like these can line up a few rubes to run circles around.


If you are so obsessed, investigate. Once, a steady boyfriend who said he was madly in love with me told he he was going camping by himself. THAT raised a red flag. He cam back with a neat car and clean tires after supposedly going many miles down a dirt road to camp in the woods. I had noted this at about 5AM when I went to check out his vehicle on the day he returned and was snoozing in his house. 


I returned to my house, treated myself to a beautiful breakfast, then pulled the lever on the trap door when he called-


"Hi, Baby!  I missed you!"


(Faking a trembling voice)"You know I've had some time to think while you were away and I just have to finally admit I'm not in love with you anymore. I think we should stop seeing each other" 


BAM!


I was tired of him and he'd provided the perfect way out.  I was DELIGHTED!


Wakeme, I think you need to get your sense of humor back about this guy.  Unless...he's (gasp) hypnotized you??


wakeme007 says ...



(SNIP) He did it to me too but I just dismissed it as the policer officer in him, they all got uncomfortable around him) anyway, he was hard to read-monotone and completely emotionless in the beginning, somewhat aloof... and it took him a good 6 months to open up and really talk to me at all about personal stuff but he started to and by late fall/early this last winter we were on a pretty open road together.


He became my best friend and pretty much moved in with me. We talked about everything. He met my parents (Mine live 5 hours away, but I still havent met his who live here in town) He left one morning at 11am in Jan to go watch a game and drink a couple of beers with some sports friends and former co workers from the PD, said hed be back at 3.. He was gone for 4 days, phone off and just disappeared. He came home 4 days later and I asked him to take his things and go for awhile. He went back to his parents house and Who knows what happened in that 4 days he disappeared and shut his phone off, and its not so important at this juncture months later but he has been so sketchy and for lack of better term really "creepy" and withdrawn since then.


Totally secretive, cant get a straight answer out of him, he dances around everything I ask him that has anything to do with where he is or what hes been up to the days hes not with me which is about half the time and in the last 2 months or so, as I always have when I get together with my girlfriends I let him know who Im going out with, where we will be. He has not volunteered any information like that to me on his outings and if I ask I always get a run around and end up with an answer that I sense in not the truth but I have not ever checked up on him. Everytime I have gone out, he shows up and stands way back in a corner out of the way and watches me. One friend or another always spots him eventually and tells me he is there (I NEVER pay attention to who is in the bar outside of my group, but alot of the girls are single or people watchers so they are always looking around) He just stands back and stares. I have approched him or waved him over every single time and asked him what he is doing and its always the same answer, he just felt like having a beer and happened to be close by. Clearly its more than that but its such bizarre creepy behavior and to add to it, I went to the lake this weekend which is over an hour drive away, told him I was going with my girlfriends to help with her dads cabin and we would go to one bar in particular to see a local band that we all happen to like. Guess who shows up alone all the way out there in the middle of the lakes. He has no boat, no cabin and no real calling to that area but I happened to look over to the back corner cuz I felt someone staring at me and there he was. I invited him over to our table but he refused and disappeared into the crowd and I never saw him again the rest of the night. I love this man and have continually invited him over and been completely open hoping he would snap out of this whacky behavior, but the more I open up the more closed up and bizarre he gets - I have spoken to another friend of mine who works in dispatch and is married to an officer and they both have stated that some people who worked on the force go through emotional beating with all the things they deal with over time that it can mess with their logical thinking and they have experienced this behavior with others from time to time. The really bizarre part of it all is when I came home yesterday from the lake, I dropped a pair of earrings that i was putting away and found a mini var in my room behind my dresser on and running. It wasnt there last week before I left because I reached back to unplug my stereo before leaving town and I would have seen it. He has not been given a set of keys but he has had my new keys in his possesion before when he used my car so he could have made a copy but thats just so unlike him. I havent confronted that yet  because Im not sure how. Then this morning I picked up his shirt and it had the specific smell of his old roommates house. I hadnt smelled that since last summer when they were roommates. I asked him if he had been staying over there recently because I knew they had gone out together alot more than normal lately and he just said yes a couple of nights when he wasnt here. I asked if he was living there or what (half joking) and he tells me that he moved from his parents house and back in over there awhile ago. Why would he not mention that, he is withdrawing more and more personal information yet spending more and more time and effort to show up and creep on me when I am out and he knows what where and who everytime. Its all just so bizarre and although Im not dumb, Im pretty sure there has been another woman at some point since his 4 day disappearance in January and that bothers me alot but Im more worried about the creeping weird behavior. I love him, but its starting to worry me and Im afraid to back away from it because I just dont know how he will respond. I dont fear my safety at this point but his behavior is so radical and stalker like at times that I baffled. At a total loss. My burning question now that I have wrote a small novel is, Is anyone familiar with maybe a stress disorder or some kind of label for this that other ex law enforcement officers have suffered from? The disappearance and secretive behavior screams another woman but when he knows where im going and who with and has been invited, declines and still shows up clearly trying remain unseen, when he could be with another woman since Im distracted with my friends wouldnt he be with her rather than show up and creep on me from the corner? I just need some input if anyone has heard of this kind of bizarre behavior maybe a form of ptsd or something. I am desperate for a name, direction to get him help before I get to the point that I cant stand it anymore and bolt possibly causing him to display more whacky behavior. Its just so very unsettling and has me a wound up ball of nerves. On edge, jumpy, cant sleep and just baffled that the man that I am deeply in love with is turning into a complete weirdo right in front of my eyes. I want to figure this out and try to find help for him but dont know where to start. Im just not ready to give up but its getting weird fast.


Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

You are far too defensive, Wake Me.  You can't fault anyone for assuming you are fascinated by personality characteristics that aren't there but that you wish were.  The victim files are packed with women who "love the real man he is deep down."


I can't help it if you feel 'picked apart' by someone whose kind of support for your situation doesn't appeal to you.  Apparently the 'hand' you want lent you is one who will pat you on the back for continuing to place yourself in the line of fire by this abusive type who cuts out on you regularly, causing you pain.  This is not a nice guy.


Funny how a certain type of female will take all manner of strange abusive conduct from her love interest, then furiously backhand females who advise her to get out ASAP. 


Maybe you should try the same direct, annoyed, dismissive and definite response you just gave me on him.  That might draw him up short.  Call it a "Wake Up Call." 


Remember your friends' instincts if your own have ceased to work for you.  And yeah, indent.  It shows respect for your readers.


wakeme007 says ...



Let me just clear this up, I am female and as I stated earlier I am 38 years old. I am not in love with him because of what he used to do for work, thats absolutely silly. Ive known several officers and never had the urge to date any of them nor was I attracted to them. Its not about a job, its him and I knew there was something different about him when I met him that I was drawn to. After spending a considerable amount of time with him, I fell in love with HIM, not a title he used to have. We shared our mutual feelings for eachother, things were wonderful and going great and then out of nowhere the eratic behavior started and has just progressed. I am here looking for support from people who would like to lend a hand if they have any advice- That is what I understand a support forum to be. I found this board, posted my issue and have patiently waited for someone that may be able to assist. I had no idea that I would be picked apart for your eyes hurting, indents, fonts and otherwise completely unrelated nonsense remarks. How old are you? Are you female? What are your vision specs? Does that matter? NO. Am I angry that the man I love is acting this way? Maybe a little but Im more concerned at this point to know if it is a ptsd response and treatable or some kind of crazy that I should run from because it isnt going to get better. I am seeking anyone who has heard of officers experiencing these things? Dont like my lack of indent? Dont read it. Again, I came here seeking support, not to be picked apart for my explanation, indent issues or your bleeding eyes. Ice may help but you would likely have to step away from the screen and miss the opportunity to insult someone else search for support.


 


 


MarlyB says ...



So you can be stalked at this level and it doesn't get you angry?  That is probably the most interesting thing in your account, wakeme007.  Are you female, by the way?


Looks like you are in love with this man because he used to be a cop, in spite of or because of his mental issues.  This kind of guy can be really needy.  In a BAD way.


The Creep Factor on this guy is high.  You friends noticed it at the outset.  LEOs professionalism while interacting with civilians is paramount.  This guy has problems with hyper-vigilance to the point he can barely make it across the room.  Maybe there are other reasons he quit the force.  Or was asked to go.  That's worth investigating.


 


wakeme007 says ...



 First, I apologize if I am posting in the wrong place, I realize that noone here is able to give professional counselng and I am not seeking that. I am looking for other women (or men) who have been involved with or dated/married into law enforcement and found over time that their signifigant other/spouse had deep rooted emotional disturbance possibly caused from the job in part, or maybe not - I just dont know. An example: Here is my story.


A year ago I met a man who was a police officer for 15 years, (he is 43) got out (5 years ago) for a couple of reasons being stress on his marriage and he was tired of being ejected into these situations that he had little control over, domestics, violent crimes etc... and shortly after leaving the PD, he went through a pretty nasty divorce after 17 years of marriage. He has always acted a little strange and just weird when I first met him, all of my friends thought he was creepy and too inquizative because he asks new people alot of questions.(SNIP)


 


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Rated +2 | Posted over 1 year ago

 

wakeme I am going to be frank, but not to insult you because you search for an answer.  First the fact that you are posting this here is a red flag to start.  It has obviously become enough of a problem for you that you came here to search for answers.  The thing is, none of us know this man.  We don't really know enough about either of you to make an informed decision.  I would hate to be the one to offer advice or a possible solution that might end poorly for you.


Second is that you said something to the effect of he has become creepy to you.  This would indicate to me that you have a gut feeling about what the reason/solution is.  I would suggest that you ask investigate, although I say that because of his behavior I would be careful.  One thing I learned in my years of service is that my gut, and the hairs on the back of my neck don't lie.


And last, he and his wife of 17 years split for a reason.  Keep that in mind, there are two sides to every divorce. 


Good luck


Above all, we must realize that no arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women. It is a weapon our adversaries in today’s world do not have.

Ronald Reagan

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted over 1 year ago

 

LeahC, my friend, I am with you 100%.  It makes sense that you would describe the reason and the solution as the same - "creepy."


I'm glad you admonished this way - on the part of discretion, with safety in mind.  A confrontation could end badly between the OP and her creep boyfriend in a bar.  On the other hand, if the OP doesn't make her needs known...who will?


LeahC says ...



wakeme I am going to be frank, but not to insult you because you search for an answer.  First the fact that you are posting this here is a red flag to start.  It has obviously become enough of a problem for you that you came here to search for answers.  The thing is, none of us know this man.  We don't really know enough about either of you to make an informed decision.  I would hate to be the one to offer advice or a possible solution that might end poorly for you.


Second is that you said something to the effect of he has become creepy to you.  This would indicate to me that you have a gut feeling about what the reason/solution is.  I would suggest that you ask investigate, although I say that because of his behavior I would be careful.  One thing I learned in my years of service is that my gut, and the hairs on the back of my neck don't lie.


And last, he and his wife of 17 years split for a reason.  Keep that in mind, there are two sides to every divorce. 


Good luck


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Rated +2 | Posted over 1 year ago

 

LeahC says ...



wakeme I am going to be frank, but not to insult you because you search for an answer.  First the fact that you are posting this here is a red flag to start.  It has obviously become enough of a problem for you that you came here to search for answers.  The thing is, none of us know this man.  We don't really know enough about either of you to make an informed decision.  I would hate to be the one to offer advice or a possible solution that might end poorly for you.


Second is that you said something to the effect of he has become creepy to you.  This would indicate to me that you have a gut feeling about what the reason/solution is.  I would suggest that you ask investigate, although I say that because of his behavior I would be careful.  One thing I learned in my years of service is that my gut, and the hairs on the back of my neck don't lie.


And last, he and his wife of 17 years split for a reason.  Keep that in mind, there are two sides to every divorce. 


Good luck



Not only did he and his wife of 17 years split for a reason....... He is a FORMER police officer as in NOT CURRENT.  There is a reason for this.  Bottom line, there are HUGE red flags and fireworks going off with this guy as you (wakeme) have described him.  His behaviors are NOT NORMAL.  They are NOT REASONABLE.  You not only see these red flags and fireworks and know this spells trouble but you ARE afraid to leave and you ARE afraid to admit that we are right.  I can tell you with asurity that if I found my daughters in such a relationship, having come to me and explaining to me what you posted here, I would tell them to get out now..... RIGHT NOW!!!!!! DO NOT WAIT!!!!!!

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

Nobody was speaking down to you.  A women in your vulnerable position is not always 'keyed in' to the advice of those who tell her to defend herself.  That's because she is accustomed to going against her instincts and letting her guard down.  You mentioned 'dancing around'  the issue.  It takes two to tango.  He knows it.


Your guard has been down long enough.  LEOs are limited in terms of what they can advise you to do - out of a practical sense that you don't place yourself in harm's way. 


Doesn't matter what the origin of this guy's behavior is.  You have to deal with how it is playing out in your life. NOW.


wakeme007 says ...



Thank you LeahC,


 


That is very well said. I understand that noone here knows him or I personally. I came in search of someone who may have experienced this or knows of anyone in the position who may have experienced this as a direct result of being a police officer. I hear about ptsd creating different emotional issues for different people and when treated can be manageable. I came here looking for a label for it and resources to treat it if it is infact something that he may be suffering from due to his former position. Again, never dated an officer current or former until now so I am trying to be aware and sensitive to something that could be a disorder and not just "plum crazy". All of this may just be making me plum crazy, I want to help if this is something that I can help with but if its a case of an ex cop using his prior knowledge for bad or whatever, I will run the other direction regardless of my feelings because I embrace alone vs w/ crazy.  I want to be sure that its not just an episode of something like that before I stamp him crazy and run. I am really good at giving the benefit of the doubt, too good sometimes and I end up at the short end for it and I am trying to be smart about this but that side of me that wants to believe it could be related to something else keeps taking over. I had a girlfriend who started dating one of my boyfriends behind my back years ago, I let it go she apologized and within 5 years she was in my house trying to make sweet with my husband while I stepped into another room. Trusting, forgiving and sometimes blindly optimistic. My gut has never let me down, you are right. I know what I need to do LeahC. Thank You. And to the other member that I responded to, I apologize for being snippy, I just felt your response was unrelated and you were speaking down to me. I dont handle that well and I should have just ignored it rather than snap back.


 


LeahC says ...



wakeme I am going to be frank, but not to insult you because you search for an answer.  First the fact that you are posting this here is a red flag to start.  It has obviously become enough of a problem for you that you came here to search for answers.  The thing is, none of us know this man.  We don't really know enough about either of you to make an informed decision.  I would hate to be the one to offer advice or a possible solution that might end poorly for you.


Second is that you said something to the effect of he has become creepy to you.  This would indicate to me that you have a gut feeling about what the reason/solution is.  I would suggest that you ask investigate, although I say that because of his behavior I would be careful.  One thing I learned in my years of service is that my gut, and the hairs on the back of my neck don't lie.


And last, he and his wife of 17 years split for a reason.  Keep that in mind, there are two sides to every divorce. 


Good luck


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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

wakeme007 says ...



Thank you LeahC,


 


I came in search of someone who may have experienced this or knows of anyone in the position who may have experienced this as a direct result of being a police officer. I hear about ptsd creating different emotional issues for different people and when treated can be manageable. I came here looking for a label for it and resources to treat it if it is infact something that he may be suffering from due to his former position. Again, never dated an officer current or former until now so I am trying to be aware and sensitive to something that could be a disorder and not just "plum crazy". All of this may just be making me plum crazy, I want to help if this is something that I can help with but if its a case of an ex cop using his prior knowledge for bad or whatever, I will run the other direction regardless of my feelings because I embrace alone vs w/ crazy.  I want to be sure that its not just an episode of something like that before I stamp him crazy and run. I am really good at giving the benefit of the doubt, too good sometimes and I end up at the short end for it and I am trying to be smart about this but that side of me that wants to believe it could be related to something else keeps taking over.


.....EDITIED.....


 


LeahC says ...



.....EDITED.....



wakeme........ YOU PROPOSE TO HELP THIS MAN DEAL WITH THE SYMPTOMS OF PTSD.  YOU ARE NOT A PROFFESSIONAL IN THIS AREA OTHERWISE YOU WOULD NOT BE HERE OR ANYWHERE ELES ASKING ABOUT IT.


BTW:  THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT YOU HAVE MENTIONED THIS DISORDER OR THE POSSIBILITY THAT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER MAY SUFFER FROM THE SYMPTOMS RELATED TO IT.


KEEP IN MIND THAT THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS THAT YOU CAN NOT OR SHOULD NOT ATTEMPT TO FIX.  PROFFESSIONALS HAVE YET TO BE ABLE TO DO A SATISFACTORY JOB IN THIS AREA.  WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN DO WHAT PROFFESSIONALS CAN NOT? 


KNOW THAT ANY ATTEMPTS MADE BY YOU TO DO THIS MAY WELL LEAD TO FATAL RESULTS.  IF IN FACT PTSD HAS ANYTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH WHY HE DOES WHAT HE DOES, YOU HAVE A VERY UNSTABLE, EXPOLOSIVE AND POTENTIALLY DEADLY SITUATION ON YOUR HANDS AND YOU ARE NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH IT ON ANY LEVEL.


YOU CAN NOT FIX HIS PROBLEM(S) WHAT EVER THEY ARE.  HE HAS TO WANT TO BE FIXED FOR STARTERS AND HE HAS TO SEEK THE HELP OF A PROFFESSIONAL TO DO IT.


INTERESTING THAT YOUR PROFILE NAME INDICATES THAT YOU NEED SOMEONE TO WAKE YOU UP.  THIS IS WHY YOU CAME HERE TO ASK ABOUT YOUR SITUATION.  WE ARE TRYING TO WAKE YOU UP AND FOR SOME REASON, YOU REFUSE.


JUST LIKE YOU AND YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER........ WE CAN'T WAKE OR HELP YOU IF IN REALITY, YOU DO NOT WANT TO WAKE UP OR ACCEPT THE HELP WE HAVE GIVEN YOU TO THIS END.


I THINK YOU ARE AFRAID TO LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP.   JUST SAYING, IN MY PROFFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE.

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

SkoolCop knows what he is talking about. 


At the very least, don't engage in power games with this guy.  Don't 'prove' to him you can have fun nights out on the town in bars as a stage act in the show called, "Get Away Closer!"  I'm not saying you do...but it's common for women in abusive relationships to 'turn the tables' and 'taunt' in order to get a rise.  It's all part of a sick dance.  It can end in a bad surprise.


The trap not to fall into - "Yeah he beats me psychologically, but then he shows me his sweet baby side and I mother him back to humanity.  I am truly the answer to all his needs, his guardian angel, nursie and rescuer.  Even from himself."  A woman who thinks this way about a woman-hater is asking for trouble. 


You've got a guy whose angry at the world and you are the target.  He doesn't trust you or any woman. It's dangerous.

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Rated +2 | Posted over 1 year ago

 

I want a pony.


The Guy !
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Honoring the Fallen

Att179311_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

i want a pony with a saddle

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

I have dispatched a Klydesdale to the Sarge's house and one with a saddle to Elite1grey.Have armed them both with maps and service stations on the proper routes.They are allegedly smart.If they don't get to your respective 20's it's not for my lack of effort.

Csi_squirrle_max600_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

wakeme007 I just read through this thread and a few questions remain.  Why is this guy no longer a cop?  Do you know?  Do you know anything about his ex-wife or the break-up?  What is he doing now to pay the bills?  


You are in a sick relationship.  Your eyes have been opened to this and it is for you to decide what to do.  What you cannot do is change him.  Unless you are willing to live in this type of relationship I suggest you move on to greener pastures.  


The stalking behavior is very concerning to me.  You could be in grave danger.

Vpsomourningband_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

Never, ever dismiss your instincts.  I don't think I could ever be in love with someone who creeps me out, stalks me and disappears for days with no logical/valid explanation.  But that's just me.  You need to make your own decision and I think you already have.  You are coming here for validation.  You don't need strangers to tell you that this guy is way off, so off left field is not in sight!  Do some investigating?  Ask your dispatcher and officer friend if they know anyone at the PD where creepy worked... get where I'm going with this?  I wouldn't give a rats rear end what may or may not have caused his personality disorders.  This guy is not healthy for either of you.  If nothing else seek a professional therapist.  All they do is make you think and work out your own issues.  You have choices and options now...............

I'm out!

 


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1412531174478_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

I am also curious why you have never met his parents even when you live in the same town. I would do some more investigating.


Why is he an ex cop?


Why did he divorce his wife after 17 years?


What about meeting any family members?


Please make sure you are careful. I really fear for your safety.


You can learn just about anything on line with just a few tools. The correct full name, birthdate, family memebers names, and even some previous addresses would help.


Good luck to you. Listen to your gut. If he is creeping you out you may want to cut all ties now.


 

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

KCecala----"EXCELLENT"to the point and wise.You,MarlyB,Brighteyes and DonnaLynn always have worthwhile advice and are a blessing to this link.

Heart_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

wakeme I gave you my 2 cents worth yesterday, and in reading through these posts today please see that the general consensus is the same... please keep that in mind. 


Above all, we must realize that no arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women. It is a weapon our adversaries in today’s world do not have.

Ronald Reagan

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

wakeme007 says ...



.....EDITED.....


"I am really good at giving the benefit of the doubt, too good sometimes and I end up at the short end for it"


.....EDITED.....



Tell me please..... What is "good" (never-mind "really good" or "too good") and ending "up at the short end for it."?  This statement indicates that you often give the benefit of the doubt to people with more problems than you can shake a stick at or is otherwise reasonable or unmanageable and that you have a history of coming up on the short end (probably resulting in you getting hurt or butt hurt) only to repeat the cycle with the next one you encounter.


1)  You can not fix problems of everyone you encounter.


2)  Other people have to recognize their own issues and desire to want and therefore seek the help they need to resolve their problems.


3)  You have to recognize that you have your very own issues and problems that you need to pay attention to and want to resolve.


4)  You can not resolve your problems or issues by ignoring them and instead making every effort to help others deal with theirs.


5)  EVERY EFFORT you make should be with the goal of resolving your own issues FIRST AND FOREMOST.


I think you need (as has been stated by others here) to seek professional help for you to recognize and find out why you are attracted to co-dependant relationships with the goal being to break the cycle and find a healthy relationship.  Until you are able to accomplish this, you should not seek to be in any relationship........ ESPECIALLY THIS ONE....... That is unless you really want to take a chance and end up in a situation like the ones described in the following link.


www . lanejudson . com / OFFICER _ INVOLVED _ FATALITIES . h t m

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SkoolCop says ...



WARNING:  The events as portrayed in the link from the previous post are only brief summaries of the incidents and the parties involved.  The stories run much deeper than portrayed and leaves one to wonder if many of these could have been prevented if the warning signs were identified and heeded much sooner than indicated.  The events portrayed have left families devastated.  Children were left parent-less and in many case also killed through no fault of their own.  Keep box(es) of Kleenex close at hand while viewing.  If you begin to see yourself in the events portrayed..... SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY.