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How not to start a Police report

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Police_bear_max50

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Posted over 2 years ago

 

How not to start a Police report


7. It was the best of times it was the worst of times...


6. The names in this report have been changed to protect the innocent...


5. Before I get into the details, I've got a few "shout-outs" to my homeys in the command staff...


4. It was so dark and foggy that night, you could almost cut through the fog with a knife. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I'd lost my mind...


3. The suspect tried to assault me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist...


2. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...


1. Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end.


 

Suit_max50

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7. Theatre major


6. proof of age (too much watching Dragnet)


5. MTV Generation


4. English major


3. Hasn't learned that denial is not just a river in Egypt


2. Star Wars fanboy


1. J. D. Buck Savage

1979_max50

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Listen here, ya'll ain't gonna believe this $*** but what happened was...................................... LOL! I've seen many a reports that SHOULD have begun this way too!


 

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"I may be wrong, but..."


PL MENTORING TEAM MEMBER

"Don't underestimate the drawing power of the Garden State." From the film "Dogma"

Trying to stay sane in an insane world...

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"The narrative below is not necessraily the viewpoint of the writer...."


PL MENTORING TEAM MEMBER

"Don't underestimate the drawing power of the Garden State." From the film "Dogma"

Trying to stay sane in an insane world...

Online-photo-sharing-gallery-animal-cat-cougar-artct45_max160_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted over 2 years ago

 

Well, ya see, it all started like this .......


PL's Mamacat

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"It doesn't matter what I write here--nobody reads these things anyway."




Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

Bronzestarribbon_max50

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Rated +2 | Posted over 2 years ago

 

"As I nodded nearly napping there came a gentle rapping, as if someone gently tapping, tapping" at my car door...

Honest Sheriff I done didn't doed it...

Me_2_max50

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"There I was, minding my own business when...."

Aloha-heart-on-sand_max50

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Came a gentle rapping.  Gotta love it.  I could see this used elsewhere in a report. 


csiguy says ...


"As I nodded nearly napping there came a gentle rapping, as if someone gently tapping, tapping" at my car door...

Honest Sheriff I done didn't doed it...


Marketing Rule #1

Respect your audience.

S

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I know y'all gonna thank I be lying, but dis' is what happened.......no really,.......and I'm not kiddin'.........for real......

Aloha-heart-on-sand_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted over 2 years ago

 

haha "Nature Unknown" love it - sounds sooo....zen.  The Zen of Law Enforcement. lol


 


"So you say it happened when you were listening for the holes between sounds?"



 


Marketing Rule #1

Respect your audience.

Imagesca9t39km_max50

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Fo real this is how it HAD happened...

Clone_trooper_max50

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As I sat looking through the help-wanted ads,..

Bronzestarribbon_max50

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Yo! 5 0 dis whad up ya'll...

Suit_max50

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 When I finally realized I was on duty...

Memorialbadge_max50

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lkdavis71 says ...



As I sat looking through the help-wanted ads,..



Oh yeah, I do that one... circle some jobs and leave the paper laying around.... that gets some attention. 


Troll Hunters Incorporated... the first line defense against TROLLS and BADGE BUNNIES on POLICELINK.

May_cat_002_max50

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 1. Dear Diary...


2. Once upon a time...

Suit_max50

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 1. "Hi"


2. "To Whom it May Concern"


3. "It was a dark and stormy night"


4. "Twas the hour before shift change" (I should write a version of this)

Photo_user_banned_big

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Don't write your report in pig latin or fictional languages such as those found in science fiction. (examples: Klingon, Narn, Elvish, or Hobbit).




Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

Att179311_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted over 2 years ago

 

the colour purple is alwas  a pleasing colour so is crayon lots of peoplelike crayons


 

Aloha-heart-on-sand_max50

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"It was midnight when an unearthly sound drew me deep into the Sicilian Rose Garden.  I found her standing under a white birch near the Fountain of The Three Sisters.  She was drenched in summer rain from head to foot.  Soft tendrils of her platinum tresses clung to her forehead as she looked up at me from under long, dark lashes that fringed her luminous ice-blue eyes..."


Marketing Rule #1

Respect your audience.

Bronzestarribbon_max50

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MarlyB says ...

"It was midnight when an unearthly sound drew me deep into the Sicilian Rose Garden.  I found her standing under white birch near the Fountain of The Three Sisters.  She was drenched in summer rain from head to foot.  Soft tendrils of her platinum tresses clung to her forehead as she looked up at me from under long, dark lashes that fringed her luminous ice-blue eyes..."



Marly B, I think I saw this one on Adult Swim?

Download_max50

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Quick story. And it's true.


A new Records clerk was working on transcription. An officer had turned his report in on tape and Records was typing it for him.


Throughout the report, a person was consistently being referred to: "Paula Weibble", pronounced "Why-Bull".


The new gal turned in the report to her supervisor for review. The name Paula Weibble wasn't making sense in the context of the report. The supe listened to the tape and let out a huge laugh.


What the new gal was hearing on the tape was actually, "Upon arrival..." Lots of times....


Yeah. True.


I tell all noobs to report writing to NOT use 'upon arrival'. It's redundant. Just tell the story without all the cop-eze.


Check out the PoliceLink.com Facebook page. It was established in 2008.

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MarlyB says ...



"It was midnight when an unearthly sound drew me deep into the Sicilian Rose Garden.  I found her standing under a white birch near the Fountain of The Three Sisters.  She was drenched in summer rain from head to foot.  Soft tendrils of her platinum tresses clung to her forehead as she looked up at me from under long, dark lashes that fringed her luminous ice-blue eyes..."


 




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Aloha-heart-on-sand_max50

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"His pale yellow complexion, torqued jaw and stunned expression told me he was a man of few words, recently surprised, and possibly a corpse."


JIMROC says ...



 


MarlyB says ...



"It was midnight when an unearthly sound drew me deep into the Sicilian Rose Garden.  I found her standing under a white birch near the Fountain of The Three Sisters.  She was drenched in summer rain from head to foot.  Soft tendrils of her platinum tresses clung to her forehead as she looked up at me from under long, dark lashes that fringed her luminous ice-blue eyes..."


 




Marketing Rule #1

Respect your audience.

Clone_trooper_max50

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As I licked the last remnants of jelly donut from my fingers, I saw...

May_cat_002_max50

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 It did occur in the year of Our Lord...

Photo_user_banned_big

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Also, don't end every report with this.


 


...in accordance with the prophecy.




Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

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Rated +1 | Posted over 2 years ago

 

You ain't going to believe this s#$%.


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