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The Revised Miranda Rights

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Posted almost 4 years ago


The Revised Miranda Rights


1. You have the right to an @$$-kicking.

2. You have the right to have a priest and/or an EMT present at the time of the @$$-kicking.

3. If you do not have a priest, one will be appointed to you at no charge to read you your last prayer.

4. You have the right to remain motionless or you may elect to run away from me.

5. Should you elect to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth.

6. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court to jog along with you.

7. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may continue pursuit of you in full stride.

8. You may stop running at any time at your OWN risk.

9. Good luck. On your mark, get set....GO!