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Possible Soon-To-Be Spouse

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2007-2008_114_max600_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

LittleE says ...



 Um. Suspicious?


Overthinking what? The possible drastic life change if he becomes a cop? Taking very seriously whether or not I am the "special woman" everyone talks about you must be to be a cops wife? With all due respect, I think I'm just being realistic and smart to think through how this will affect my marriage, my spouse and me personally (as I have trauma triggers associated with LE).


I'm aware that he will likely not attend the academy for another six months.


I'm slightly confused as to why you need to get a read on me.


 


At the end of the day we need just as much support as any other spouse.  Trauma triggers?  Think we need to know more about that.  Life changes are life changes, they will come along no matter what someone chooses to do in their career, whether its a promotion or a change in the company.  I really think you need to address these concerns with him in the long run.  Its not for the members of this site to put you at ease in regards to your husbands choices.  I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but the reality of it is, that you are starting a bad precedent with his entire decision by looking for answers from strangers.


I'm sorry if I am not understanding what your concerns are.  If you are a loving couple who support each other than things will fall into place on their own.



Have ASP will travel.

Justice is the one thing you should always find, you gotta saddle up your boys you gotta draw a hard line.

When the gun smoke settles we'll sing a victory tune and we'll all meet back at the local saloon.

And we'll raise up our glasses against evil forces singing whiskey for my men beer for my horses.

Wredcedar_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

2 + 2 = 7  something doesn't add up here to me and I suspect your husband is not being completely honest with you.  What is the name and location of the academy he plans to attend if accepted, as I have never heard of an academy where you are paid to attend w/o being either hired as a LEO or on the the GI bill.

Fall_2007_027__2__max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

I think what she is trying to say is that her husband is in the application phase with an agency that either has their own academy or sponsors their recruits through one... but in either event pays them a salary while attending.  Though I am not familiar with Texas, in SoCal this is the norm.  Very few in California sponsor themselves through a college-based police academy in the hopes of getting hired.


LittleE may just not be familar enough with the process to explain it well.


In any event, her original post was seeking feedback about being the spouse of a LEO.  She is concerned about the changes her husband and marriage will have to weather.  She has a very negative personal history/experience with other LEOs in her immediate family and is concerned which she explained in a post that she later deleted.


LittleE,


There will be changes and challenges ahead if your husband is hired and enters this profession, but they don't have to be all bad.  Thousands upon thousnds of LEO families are happily married; but they put in the extra effort it sometimes takes to understand one another's perspective and communicate.  When he seems quiet or you don't feel like he's sharing his day with you...just know from his perspective he is shielding you from some pretty terrible things.


 

25-1-13-a_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

LittleE says ...



 Um. Suspicious?


Overthinking what? The possible drastic life change if he becomes a cop? Taking very seriously whether or not I am the "special woman" everyone talks about you must be to be a cops wife? With all due respect, I think I'm just being realistic and smart to think through how this will affect my marriage, my spouse and me personally (as I have trauma triggers associated with LE).


I'm aware that he will likely not attend the academy for another six months.


I'm slightly confused as to why you need to get a read on me.



When someone says that they believe you may be "over-thinking" this, it is not a put down.  It is however a way to say to "relax."  While I have no reason to doubt your personal family experiences and I can see where this may be a concern, it is not the end all of every marriage of police officers and their spouses.  What does concern me is the statement that you made where you say you have "trauma triggers associated with LE."  We do not know, other than what you have previously stated with regards to the family member and her experience, just what those triggers are or why they exist.  To me, "trauma triggers" is another way of saying you have an anxiety disorder that may be bordering on severe.  That said..... What do I know?  I am not a doctor nor a shrink but by virtue of our profession, as police officers, we wear many different hats and we see these things every day.  And without going into detail...... before you say that I know not of what I speak....... think real hard if you really want to go down that road as I know more than you think I do about that subject.  So with that, I will ask the following.  You need not answer unless you feel you want to and can do so rationally and without being confrontational as your more recent posts seem to have become.


1)  You are wise to look at the ways that this career choice may impact your family.  There will be those times that you will only see your husband in passing.  Do you love him?


2)  There will be many holidays and other important family events missed because of his schedule which may include being in court all day after having worked all night.  Do you love him?


3)  You husband will see more things in his first year of his career than most people will ever see in their entire lives.  These things will affect him.  Some of these things he may be able to talk about if he chooses to while others, he simply can't.  You will have a difficult time understanding this sometimes.  Do you love him?


4)  You say your husband doesn't see it as big as a deal as you do, that he doesn't talk much.  Is it that he doesn't talk much or that you aren't listening to what he is saying?  Do you love him?


5)  Your husband sounds like the kind of guy who does a good job in every area of his life and in his career paths chosen thus far.  That said, you have stated that he is service oriented.  He likely views this career path as his calling (BTW, we all do).  To him it may not have been enough to be good at the job if it wasn't giving him the personal satisfaction of a career that he feels he would be happy in.  Would you rather have him come home from work, exhausted and pissed off because he doesn't like his job, a job that just that just happens to suit you better, or to see him come home from his job exhausted but extremely satisfied that he did his part to make his little corner of the world a safer place?  In short..... Do you love him?


Do you love him enough to let him make this choice and support him in every way?  Do you love him enough to do what ever it takes to commit yourself as he is, to keeping the family together by seeking this career path?  When you married him was the question asked, "Do you take this man to be your husband, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, through good times and through bad, til death you you part?"  Or did your vows have the disclaimer that excuses you when your husband makes a career choice that is not to your particular liking?  DO you love him?  Do you really love him?  If you do, then I would suggest you start putting your fears and anxieties aside (not ignore them but deal with them.... even if it means getting professional help) so your husband can see it and feel it and has a sure knowledge that he has your love and support?  Do you really love him?  Then show him........ or your marriage may already be doomed before he even starts his career.

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

Had a conversation with a cop's wife awhile back.  I remember when he first started working for the department.  He was working graveyard.  At first she was nervous and scared, then...I suppose they had conflicts.  I talke to her about it again when he was about three years in.  A different woman.  Her circle of friends who are cop's wives seem to have helped put things in perspective.  She seemed stronger.  We were talking about something and she said something like, "Well, what I have to say goes too.  I have to set boundaries or he will let his job run all over both of us." 

268198_446510515381257_2031247415_n_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

 I"ve always encouraged people to give it a shot. If you think you might want to be a cop, do it now, don't wait. Of course older people can get into the field, it's always better to do it while you're young. 


There are plenty of books and sites to help introduce you and your family to the world of law enforcement. Support your loved one, however make it clear that he's married to you, not the job. Hopefully you make the decision together.