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Domestic Violence 1

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182315_10100114173208105_1428975201_n_max50

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Posted about 2 years ago

 

                                                                                                                  

White_shirt_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

This has been posted in the past. Most on this site are familiar with the subject. Since you joined yesterday and have a skeleton profile I suggest you take a deep breath and relax and view the forums. Many new members try to hard and to quickly to fit in. Kick back and enjoy the site.

1asteriskshield_ezr_max50

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Rated +2 | Posted about 2 years ago

 

Excuse my fellow brother in blue for saying what some of us think. When you see this over and over again as many of us behind the badge do it is hard to not make off color comments. Responding to the same address over and over again for DV between people is, shall we say, rather stupid in my opinion. If a person cannot get along with their spouse they need to leave pure and simple. There are many resources available for both men and women to accomodate their departure. Here in NC if we arrive to an active situation and there are marks on both individuals they both go for 48 hours, no bond. No marks, leave the prosecution of the aggravating party up to the "victim". In my experience people talk a lot of garbage about wanting their significant other put in jail for an alleged assault however when the prosecution is left up to the victim, it is declined. Not saying we don't take domestic violence seriously but we are not the arbitors of "justice". If there is evidence of a crime, no problem. If someone is crying wolf.........AGAIN.........then forget about it. This job makes a person look at situations and think about things in a different light. That doesn't mean we aren't human it simply means we have been there, done that, gotten the T shirt, and will make decisions based on verifyable evidence and perhaps have a little bit of a jaded view of human beings and certain situations.


You can't cure stupid.

182315_10100114173208105_1428975201_n_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

ajsdaddyCCSO says ...



Excuse my fellow brother in blue for saying what some of us think. When you see this over and over again as many of us behind the badge do it is hard to not make off color comments. Responding to the same address over and over again for DV between people is, shall we say, rather stupid in my opinion. If a person cannot get along with their spouse they need to leave pure and simple. There are many resources available for both men and women to accomodate their departure. Here in NC if we arrive to an active situation and there are marks on both individuals they both go for 48 hours, no bond. No marks, leave the prosecution of the aggravating party up to the "victim". In my experience people talk a lot of garbage about wanting their significant other put in jail for an alleged assault however when the prosecution is left up to the victim, it is declined. Not saying we don't take domestic violence seriously but we are not the arbitors of "justice". If there is evidence of a crime, no problem. If someone is crying wolf.........AGAIN.........then forget about it. This job makes a person look at situations and think about things in a different light. That doesn't mean we aren't human it simply means we have been there, done that, gotten the T shirt, and will make decisions based on verifyable evidence and perhaps have a little bit of a jaded view of human beings and certain situations.


 



When I worked in the SAO I was in the DV victims rights unit. I saw 30-40+ cases of DV a day. I am not saying that I wasn’t jaded by 90% of the victims that came my way. But there were some that came in that broke my heart. They really displayed the Battered Woman’s Syndrome and needed to be helped. Its not always that simple to just up and leave. A true victim of domestic violence has the vulnerability of a 3 year old. I posted this not as a complaint against the officer, but in hopes that maybe someone will read it and something will stick out. Trying to put a little Jade in the Jaded? 



Nqdz7m_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted about 2 years ago

 

I think this is all very good information condensed in a form that covers a lot of territory.  I have not seen a forum like it here at Policelink, but I have not seen all the forums. 


As to an escape plan...You have to wonder if you have to go to such an extent to prepare an escape, what are you doing there in the first place?


I totally understand the angry feeling responders get when they see a victim who is locked into a situation that imperils her kids.   I too can be quite cynical toward mothers that subject their kids to seeing domestic violence.  The abuse the children suffer is enormous and long-lasting.


Also, you gotta figure one of the very common ways LEOs get killed happens during a domestic violence call.  


 

Silver_warrior_max50

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Rated +2 | Posted about 2 years ago

 

As a security guard you have been given the chance to see what the police officer sees. . . . . .BUT, only a small sliver.  After having seen a couple of. . . . oh, I don't know. . .a couple hundred domestic violence calls, your eyes are opened as to some of the causes of it and you come to realize that only a very small percentage of the domestic violence calls actually have a true victim in them.  Usually during the course of a family argument one side decides to start pushing the other's buttons and goes a bit too far.  Either side blows their top because one party doesn't like their buttons being pushed. . . .or the one pushing the buttons doesn't like the fact that they couldn't get the rise out of the other party that they wanted.


As for all of your advice, the only thing I can say is. . . . ."The heart wants, what the heart wants."  I could tell the "victim" everything you wrote and tomorrow. . . . .they would be right back together again.  Why?  Because they LOOOOOOVVVVEEEE each other.  It doesn't matter how much education they have either. . . .when the heart says it wants something, you can bet the body will follow.  Even to the ends of the earth.  Or their life. . . .whichever comes first.


Kind of like telling an adolescent child going into puberty that the person they have a crush on is a dope smoking, lying, conniving little cockroach of a person and they can't see them anymore!  Even if you are correct in your assessment of the little weasel, the child will do what they have to do to be with that weasel of a person because they are listening with their heart and not their mind.  Same with adults. . . .the heart wants, what the heart wants.  You can't change emotions and just like alcoholics. . . .they will only change when THEY choose to change.


I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I expect the same from them.

John Bernard Books, from "The Shootist"

Cat-in-santa-hat_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

Beowulf_7 says ...



As a security guard you have been given the chance to see what the police officer sees. . . . . .BUT, only a small sliver.  After having seen a couple of. . . . oh, I don't know. . .a couple hundred domestic violence calls, your eyes are opened as to some of the causes of it and you come to realize that only a very small percentage of the domestic violence calls actually have a true victim in them.  Usually during the course of a family argument one side decides to start pushing the other's buttons and goes a bit too far.  Either side blows their top because one party doesn't like their buttons being pushed. . . .or the one pushing the buttons doesn't like the fact that they couldn't get the rise out of the other party that they wanted.


As for all of your advice, the only thing I can say is. . . . ."The heart wants, what the heart wants."  I could tell the "victim" everything you wrote and tomorrow. . . . .they would be right back together again.  Why?  Because they LOOOOOOVVVVEEEE each other.  It doesn't matter how much education they have either. . . .when the heart says it wants something, you can bet the body will follow.  Even to the ends of the earth.  Or their life. . . .whichever comes first.


Kind of like telling an adolescent child going into puberty that the person they have a crush on is a dope smoking, lying, conniving little cockroach of a person and they can't see them anymore!  Even if you are correct in your assessment of the little weasel, the child will do what they have to do to be with that weasel of a person because they are listening with their heart and not their mind.  Same with adults. . . .the heart wants, what the heart wants.  You can't change emotions and just like alcoholics. . . .they will only change when THEY choose to change.



Very well said! 


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Good-guysjpg-a87be92e015c863e_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

Yeah I read like the first 2 paragraphs and Im still trying to figure out the point the original poster's post. Is she trying to explain the seriousness of Domestic Violence?


R.I.P "Macho Man" Randy Savage

182315_10100114173208105_1428975201_n_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

 no. knowledge is power  

Nqdz7m_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted about 2 years ago

 

If I am correct the OPis not preaching to the choir.  Rather, it looks like she is using PL Forums to reach out to victims.  We can assume all sorts of people visit the site. 


The depth and detail of her posts suggest she is on a mission rather than a campaign to criticize. 


Mandyleigh007, are you disappointed in police handling of such cases? Do you believe police to be lacking in proper training to direct victims to the right resources? 

White_shirt_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

Marly. She only made reference to one incident. How would she know if law enforcement is receiving proper training in DV? The majority of cops are trained in DV investigations. Personally I was not to whippy about a civilian attempting to educate law enforcement personnel on the subject of DV.. Most citizens understand the subject of DV.

182315_10100114173208105_1428975201_n_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

 did you miss where i wrote that i was a dv victims rights advocate for the soa? and by the by i posted this post not to insult anyone but just a friendly reminder people are still people. one day you might come across a true victim and here is some knowledge to help. 

Cat-in-santa-hat_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

mandy1eigh007 says ...



 did you miss where i wrote that i was a dv victims rights advocate for the soa? and by the by i posted this post not to insult anyone but just a friendly reminder people are still people. one day you might come across a true victim and here is some knowledge to help. 



We all are aware that people are people.  Are you aware that not everyone is nice and maybe someone was having an off day.  There are bad apples in every job/profession and this guy may be a bad apple or maybe this is the 10th time in a month he has been to their house on a DV call and he was frustrated.


Please do not take a lecturing tone with us.  Just an FYI... Your posts come across as lecturing... to a bunch of LEOs on a LEO website?  Seriously?  And your first sentence here is antagonistic...  "Did you miss where I...?"  A simple "I stated earlier that I am a DV..."  would have been a much better way to address this. 


Did you read the TOUs and did you post an introduction... or is this your introduction? 


DL


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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

Mandy,I am convinced you are a suporter and attempting to be helpful.Bump DonnaLynn on the reference to the lecturing tone.We,as officers are extremely well trained in D.V. and  in my case ,have made many hundreds of such calls.I worked the two busiest districts,in a one man unit,in a town of over half a million souls.I generally  averaged approx. twenty five calls a night while the other cruiser districts were doing about ten.At least three to four calls a shift were of the D.V. nature.Fortunately,my city was a few years ahead of the curve and the chief selected a dozen of us to attend the first B.R.I. schools ever.---While you,in your capacity saw the victims and or perps well after the fact,we were forced to meet these individuals "face on" while said disturbances were "In Progress".


I'm quite cognizant that you were the victim of a tyranical husband.What I,as an officer,and 99% of the other officers wonder constantly about it WHY women stay with these miserable freaks.Oh yes,all officers are well aware of the multitude of excuses which women use.#1 is they are afraid of physical torment or death  and similar threats if they leave.Be advised,that if they stay the possibility of bodily harm or death are MUCH greater.THere are SO many avenues for assistance these days which females should be more than willing to seek if only they would more seriously consider themselves,their children,their animals,their very sanity..


How many countless scores of times has a female pressed charges against her husband /boyfriend after being beaten to a bloody pulp only to appear in court hugging and kissing the same useless,drug addicted,alcoholic moron she despised a few weeks ago.These situations will be much brighter when women learn to help themselves,as in be willing to be taken to a shelter,seek legal and social advice,spend the night at a friends or relatives house.I could go on and on and on.


Generally when the person who is not in the know and screams and hollers for the police to take action,this is a certain sign that said individual is NOT aquainted with any and/or all aspects of D.V. laws.I suppose it would be great,temporarily,especially for the ladies,if we were authorized to run into your house,beat the male,taze him and throw hinm down the steps.This will never occur in this country(I hope),as we are limited in our authority by what one knows as the rule of law.

Th_policeavatar_2__max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

We as cops KNOW why women stay with abusers. It ultimately comes down to choices. As the only species on the planet with the ability to effect change we seldom do.  In your example, once a DV call is logged and a "predominate aggressor" is determined one of the parties is going to be arrested.  In the example given the man will, the woman would be given a plethora of phone numbers, pamphlets and agncies to contact for assistance. The ball is now in her court to effect change for the positive in her life.  It is her choice, not ours.


""Life is a storm.. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes"
Alexander Dumas-The Count of Monte Christo

182315_10100114173208105_1428975201_n_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

I’m sorry if I offended anyone. I did not write this to “lecture” anyone. That situation that happened at work just prompted me to write it. I know all about constant calls and trying to help people that don’t want the help. When I worked at the SAO I was burnt out trying to help so many victims. 1 out of 30 maybe really wanted and needed help. I also worked for DCF and parents were the same type. They never wanted the help. Then I worked at a drug rehab with a relapse rate of 9/10. I am not lecturing or trying to teach any LEO how to do their job. Please also understand I also didn’t mean to sound condescending in anyway. I wrote it as an Education tool for anyone interested. There are a lot of people and I figured there might just be one or two people out there that might find my article informative. There are a lot of other members on this site that are not LEO officials and have yet to still get into the field. I’m really sorry if I offended anyone.

Nqdz7m_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted about 2 years ago

 

I learned some things from this discussion, so I'm glad it took place. 


Beowulf says "the heart wants what it wants."  A friend of mine used to say, "The heart has a logic all it's own and it operates independently of anything else."  For some people love means a shrill fear of abandonment that overarches and subsumes all.  I think abusers use this fear as a handle.  They are also driven by it.  A terrible engine.


I think abused women have been brainwashed.  Their protective instincts of their children has been over-ridden and subjugated.  Society is disgusted, but society also tries to remedy the situation between mother and child.  Good on us!


Law enforcement is the gateway to recovery.   Somebody has to go in and stop the ugly scene.  A purgatory that plays out over and over again. I could never be a cop.  It would eat my brain.


Sgt405 uses the police term "pre-dominate aggressor."  This term tells me a lot about what officers must take into account when they answer a DV call.  In other words, "Prepare for anything."  A situation where the victim may turn and attack.  Yet, as they say, you let it eat your brain, you can't do your job. 


ssu459 reminds us of a risky emotional dilemma that LEOs are trained NOT to get trapped in.  As a civilian, I picture cops rushing in-the-nick  to beat the daylights out of a man hammering on his wife's face.  My heart warms.  It tells me a bop on the soup cooler is the cheapest  and best reality check there is. But LEOs don't have the luxury of thinking with their heart.  We charge them with the duty to employ reasoning and training to sort it out on the spot according to the rule of law. 


A very dangerous gig if you ask me.  As ssu459 said, 3-4 DV calls per shift.  That's super scary math.


I commend your fortitude, Officers!


 

Th_policeavatar_2__max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

Marly, in the "old days" we use to take the guy out back and show him the error of his ways. Can't do that anymore. Society is too touchy feely politically correct. Now when we get the DV call it starts at 0 on the scale. What the initial caller reports, any weapons, inside or out, him hitting her or her hitting him or both. If outside was she trying to get inside to get away, or if inside trying to get outside. Did  he follow her. Which has the most bruises and was the instigator. Which was the aggressor. Was it mutual. Trying to decide if I arrest one party or both or neither can be challenging. Then I  have over 12 pamphlets, folders, leaflets and instruction sheets for the females. Literally. We have to have signatures for each. Then I better make sure I have every small detail for the report. Chances are we will be back many times or there will be complaints on us. Do this  half a dozen times a shift and it makes you wonder why crime goes up and we get cursed at.


""Life is a storm.. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes"
Alexander Dumas-The Count of Monte Christo

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

AHA, SGT405.You are from the same school as I.Yes,yes,to the first sentence on your post.It immediately diffused the situation and did wonders for my heart.Now,unfiortunately, the Libs want us to treat the A-Holes like brothers.

Th_policeavatar_2__max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

ssu459 says ...



AHA, SGT405.You are from the same school as I.Yes,yes,to the first sentence on your post.It immediately diffused the situation and did wonders for my heart.Now,unfiortunately, the Libs want us to treat the A-Holes like brothers.



 


Yup. At least in those days after the tune-up we never got a second call. The "man" became a model husband.


""Life is a storm.. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes"
Alexander Dumas-The Count of Monte Christo

Nqdz7m_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

Know what I think?  Men who bully women are desperately crying for help to have their faith in humanity restored. They are pleading for a consciousness-raising bop on the soup cooler.  They should have their needs met as individuals.  With gusto!


I just feel sorry for them that the law cannot oblige their pitious cries for instant enlightenment. Sigh.


 


 

White_shirt_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

SGT 405. Tune up. Nice trip down memory lane. We also used the term lamp job. I recall those days.

Nqdz7m_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 2 years ago

 

Lamp Job.  You made my day, uncledennis.