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Dealing with Loss

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Th_policeavatar_2__max50

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Posted almost 2 years ago

 

I am about to retire after serving 40 years. I lost not only a coworker for all that time but my best friend. He died of cancer. Smoked all his life. I don't.


I tried to get him to quit along with his wife and son. After his diagnosis, it was downhill. At the end I just prayed for the pain to stop. You know what I mean. How  do you wish your best friend dead? Suffering is the key. No  one should have to. I sat there crying thinking of all the stories we had over the years, all  the calls. He was the finest cop I ever had the privilege of knowing.


Every shift I would mark on-duty, head to  the cemetery, give him an update and call the roll. I will  miss him until the day I die.


That is how I deal with it, ... by never forgetting.


""Life is a storm.. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes"
Alexander Dumas-The Count of Monte Christo

Bronzestarribbon_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 2 years ago

 

My condolences for your loss brother. That is an awesome way to keep him "alive", suffering eased but not forgotten by any means. Best of luck on your retirement and congratulations. After any amount of time on the job, retirement is bittersweet. Be safe...

Eagle_and_flag_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 2 years ago

 

My Condolences on the loss of your best friend, also!! It's never easy to lose someone close to you!!


Those Memories you have, will keep them alive! That's worked for me for several years in reference to my own loss. We're here for ya Brother, anytime!!


In GOD We Trust (All others get searched, then checked through NCIC)

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IN HONOR OF OUR FALLEN

Just_passin__thru_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 2 years ago

 

What can one say?


It is never easy.


And, you certainly will never forget.


As you pass through this season, Sarge, why not have a special Christmas candle or Christmas ornament lit or glowing in the spirit of his memory? It's a way to have a pleasant reminder of the best days you guys had together.


Have a Peaceful Christmas season, Al.


The Guy !
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Honoring the Fallen

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 2 years ago

 

My heart goes out to you.  I am also grappling with grief.  My friend, you didn't wish your friend to die.  You prayed for the pain to stop.  Sometimes they are the same thing, but dying was never in your hands.  That is the hard part.  We can't stop Death.  We can only pray for relief.  God knows this and so did your friend. Your prayers helped your friend pass because, inside, he knew you were with him as far as you could go.  You walked with him at the close of the circle of life.  He went the rest of the way by himself.  He closed the Circle knowing you love him.  He was never alone. That is the best thing one human being can give another.


You are a good man and a good friend.  You made your friend's life happy.  You gave each other laughter.


A man is lucky to have a friend like you.


PM me anytime, My Dear Friend.

Redhatpicmay25-2_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 2 years ago

 

 As long as you have him in your heart and your memories, your dear friend will always live on. He was blessed to have a friend like you. My deepest condolences on the loss of your friend. And bump csiguy........retirement is bittersweet,

White_shirt_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 2 years ago

 

My condolences on the loss of your best friend. Keep the memories alive forever.

100_1750_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 2 years ago

 

 I am so sorry for your loss. My most heartfelt condolences for you and his family.

582602_3283682777720_334551836_n_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 2 years ago

 

Al,


 


I can't begin to comprehend how sad you must be feeling over the loss of your best friend and partner.  My heart goes out to you. 


 


Please know the reason I'm posting this, is to let you know you're not alone and that you have my full support.

Although I only know you from this site, I've observed that you're a very wise, strong yet calm collected person. I'm sure those qualities will be of immense help at this time. 


 


Maybe, when you're up to it, you would like to share some cool things about your partner and friend?  If that seems like an imposition please disregard and my apologies.


 


Do not hesitate to PM at anyday-anytime.  Hang in there Al.


~LonnaNJ


What doesn't kill me had better start running!

Gods_team_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 2 years ago

 

 I am sorry for your loss! 


http://www.iamsorryivotedforobama.com/

How's that HOPE and CHANGE working out for you?

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Newpatch_sq90_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 2 years ago

 

I can see your pain.  Losing a family member, whic his what a LE partner is, is one of the toughest things we will ever have to go through.  I will say a prayer for you and your partner.  Stay safe Brother.


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Th_policeavatar_2__max50

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Rated +1 | Posted over 1 year ago

 

Thank you all for the kind words.  LonnaNJ, you wanted a story so here's one.


My partner and friend(first name Lewis) collected antique handcuffs. One day he showed me a set he found in an auction  and that they were from the 1880s. Well he sat in the car while I drove cleaning them, oiling them, opening and closing them until  he was satisfied they worked to his standards.  Half way through 3rd watch we rolled up on 6 suspicious persons. We started a pat down and found weapons and drugs so we started handcuffing. We used all 5 of our cuffs including spares. This was in the days before departments issued flexcuffs as spares. Well Lewis thought fast and pulled out the 100 year old set and proceeded to put them on the last suspect. We had another unit take 3 and we took 3, including the "special" prisoner. Well we got to SALLY port at lockup, secured our weapons and let the jailers walk the prisoners to booking. They started pointing and laughing, calling others over. Well we filled in the growing crowd of officers and after the laughter subsided the prisoner asked what was going on. I grabbed his arm, turned the thumbscrew on the cuffs to open them, held them up in front of him and politely told him these handcuffs are 100 years old and were the ones used to capture Billy the Kid. He took it as a compliment and asked if I  would put them back on before he went into the cellblock!


""Life is a storm.. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes"
Alexander Dumas-The Count of Monte Christo

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

ahahaha I LOVE this story!!!

Redhatpicmay25-2_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

SGT405 says ...



Thank you all for the kind words.  LonnaNJ, you wanted a story so here's one.


My partner and friend(first name Lewis) collected antique handcuffs. One day he showed me a set he found in an auction  and that they were from the 1880s. Well he sat in the car while I drove cleaning them, oiling them, opening and closing them until  he was satisfied they worked to his standards.  Half way through 3rd watch we rolled up on 6 suspicious persons. We started a pat down and found weapons and drugs so we started handcuffing. We used all 5 of our cuffs including spares. This was in the days before departments issued flexcuffs as spares. Well Lewis thought fast and pulled out the 100 year old set and proceeded to put them on the last suspect. We had another unit take 3 and we took 3, including the "special" prisoner. Well we got to SALLY port at lockup, secured our weapons and let the jailers walk the prisoners to booking. They started pointing and laughing, calling others over. Well we filled in the growing crowd of officers and after the laughter subsided the prisoner asked what was going on. I grabbed his arm, turned the thumbscrew on the cuffs to open them, held them up in front of him and politely told him these handcuffs are 100 years old and were the ones used to capture Billy the Kid. He took it as a compliment and asked if I  would put them back on before he went into the cellblock!


 


Great story! Love his ingenuity.


Me_at_work_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted over 1 year ago

 

My condolences to his family and yourself. I know what its like to lose someone you care about.  Just recently lost one of my own in a shooting. He was shot and killed doing his job. Really sad !! Very young person and left  behind his newly wedded wife and two very young kids.  He was a great Sergeant and a wonderful person. Its very hard to deal with something like that, but we have counselors that we can talk to and i think it helps.  Maybe you should try that.  RIP Sgt. Michael Valentin!!!

 


Fortified by your Hatred

Gdfgsf_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

I'm sorry for your loss, brother. We all shuffle off this mortal coil at some point; his time simply came before ours. Knowing that he is no longer in pain doesn't offer much comfort, but that fact remains, as will the memories you two shared.


The worst thing you can do is bury your feelings. Talk to someone! God bless


"Live in such a way that those who know you but do not know God, will come to know God because they know you."

French_chopper_seat_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 1 year ago

 

First off, congrats on your retirement - and thank you for your long years of public service.


Secondly, sincere condolences to you, the agency, and your co-worker's remaining family and friends on your loss. You will always have a part of you missing as you continue on through life, though it's important not to ignore the impact your friend has had on you and others, even as you resume the busy pace of everyday routines.


I lost my sister to cancer over 7yrs ago, at the age of 42...seeing her suffer in pain and waste away down to 50-something pounds during the final weeks, while lying in a hospital bed in the old bedroom where she had grown up, was overwhelming spiritually & emotionally for our small, close-knit family. You don't want a loved one to ever be taken in the prime of life, but you cannot fathom the agony and suffering they are having to endure from such a horrible disease, so you fervently pray they don't continue to suffer. It definitely leaves an already heavy heart with feelings of guilt for just thinking in such a way, I know...you cannot let that feeling consume you, though. If you remember and continue to share the great times and the little things that made your old partner such a wonderful part of your life, then he will always be with you...and you can bet he hears when you talk to him and let him know he is missed.


Godspeed, Lewis - until your family & friends meet you again..