Group Forums >> It's Time for a Good laugh! >> One liners
One liners
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Posted about 1 year ago When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"
~I wondered why somebody didn't do something, then I realized I was somebody. ~ unknown
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4911 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago What's another word for Thesaurus?
~I wondered why somebody didn't do something, then I realized I was somebody. ~ unknown
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| Posted about 1 year ago Was Roy Rogers trigger happy? Geo Metro has a new anti theft device on their cars. They're making the letters taller. A grasshopper goes into a bar and the bartender tellls him we have a drink named after you. The grasshopper says you have a drink named Steve.
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365 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago My ancestors didn't spend the last 2 million years clawing their way to the top of the food chain, for me to become a vegetarian. "What We Do In Life, Echoes In Eternity"
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5066 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago My wife ran off with my best friend.......I sure do miss him!
"Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected."
Retleo (MODERATOR #8)
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| Posted about 1 year ago A woman once stole my heart in Paris; much nicer than my trip to Cancun when someone stole my kidney. |
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365 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago You know it's time to diet and exercise when.......you try to do a few push ups and discover that certain body parts refuse to leave the floor. "What We Do In Life, Echoes In Eternity"
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5066 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago Did you hear about the Buddhist Monk who refused Novocaine during a root canal procedure? His goal?....... transcend dental medication! "Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected."
Retleo (MODERATOR #8)
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2075 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago "When someone starts one of these threads it's only a matter of time before it devolves into a Carlin quote fest." -Me I'll start (what sucks is some of the best ones are NSFPL): If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. ~George Carlin
Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.” Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.” |
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2075 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago Retleo's quote got me thinking that the Carlin quote fest should be postponed for a bit... A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.” Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.” |
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Anonymous 
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| Posted about 1 year ago You just because your in the church makes you a christian? Does standing in the garage make you a car? |
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425 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago I don't know why that guy ran off with my bike, would have been easier to ride off with it. |
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2075 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago Don't steal! The government hates competition. Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.” Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.” |
6617 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago A true friend stabs you in the front. Oscar Wilde |
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Anonymous
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| Posted about 1 year ago A bad boss is like a diaper always on your butt, and full of chit. |
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| Posted about 1 year ago A dyslexic agnostic, wonders is there really a dog. Bad stuff happens to good people, handle it and overcome.
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| Posted about 1 year ago It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame. -Wilde |
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| Posted about 1 year ago Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side. |
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| Posted about 1 year ago The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.
~I wondered why somebody didn't do something, then I realized I was somebody. ~ unknown
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4911 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
~I wondered why somebody didn't do something, then I realized I was somebody. ~ unknown
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2075 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.” Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.” |
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| Posted about 1 year ago There are three kinds of lies – lies, damned lies and statistics. Mark Twain |
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| Posted about 1 year ago No use being dumb and stupid unless you can show it. YaYa Sister |
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| Posted about 1 year ago There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. |
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| Posted about 1 year ago It takes an intelligent person, to wisely answer, a dumb question. That's too much like intelligence. Work is curse of the drinking class - Oscar Wilde That's too much like intelligence.
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Anonymous
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| Posted about 1 year ago Success always occurs in private and failure in full view. |
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6617 posts back to top |
| Posted about 1 year ago Flattery is the infantry of negotiation. Lord Chandos |
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| Posted about 1 year ago OK, so what's the speed of dark? |
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| Posted about 1 year ago If a man is in the forest, talking to himself, with no woman around is he still wrong? |
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| Posted about 1 year ago Yes!
~I wondered why somebody didn't do something, then I realized I was somebody. ~ unknown
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