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boyfriend is a new police officer

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Posted over 2 years ago

 

My boyfriend is a new police officer and I was just wondering what tips and advice anyone can give me on handling his new stress.  The thing I am struggling most with is the schedule.  He works four days on, four days off.  I know that is a great schedule but right now I am in school and we don't live together.  I have tried talking to my friends about this but they don't have anyone in law enforcement and can only give so much advice.  I am very supportive of him being a police officer, I am so proud of him and proud of anyone who works in law enforcement.  

White_shirt_max50

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You do realize as a new officer knocking 8 to 5 with weekends off is a long time coming. As the Carpenters song " We've only just begun" he will be paying his dues for a spell. Wait till you have an important event planned and right before you leave your house the dreaded phone call. We are short handed and need you to come in. We realize it is your day off however, you are low man on the totem pole and need to respond. My advice keep the stress level at a minimum and have a long engagement. If his schedule is causing you stress you may need to evaluate the relationship as it gets worst. Good luck as it sounds like you will need it.

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 Oh I know he is low man on the totem pole!  It is just difficult.  We both have a lot going on (he's buying a house, I am in school doing my student teaching and looking for a job) and I am trying to be there for him throughout this crazy, changing time in his life, but I am feeling streched thin.  I know not to ask him too many questions about his day, let him decompress when he gets out and let him come to me if he wants to talk.  Any advice on how to help him on his days off?

Quickley-b240_max50

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Most of what Uncle D says is true however, it really depends on how big the department is. I never got called back in but mine was a large department. The big problem is with shift work he might miss many important events. It takes a very special person to be the spouse of an LEO.


"The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of moral crisis, do nothing." Dante

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Vpsomourningband_max50

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He needs a non-Law Enforcement related hobby with his non-LEO friends... if any are still around.  Maybe you could do something with him on one of this days off... bowling, fishing, sky diving, bungee jumping etc.



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1979_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 2 years ago

 

Don't question him deeply about his job, just do the important thing and 'be there' to hold him and sometimes just to sit and if he speaks listen and be a sounding board. There is nothing you can do to ease any of his LE stress, just don't add to it with the little stuff that in the sphere of life really doesn't mean diddly. Enjoy life as much as you can. No big secret, just be yourself.

25-1-13-a_1__max50

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Interesting that there are two similar posts in two different threads, started by two seemingly different people (oddly enough both seem to be in the teaching profession - a student teacher and a 3rd grade teacher) and both with "skeleton" profiles, who just happen to find their way to policelink on the same day (03-19-12) to ask relationship questions about the "new police officer" and the "serious cop."  Does this strike anyone else as odd?


policelink. monster.  com/topics/84471-is-it-wrong-to-fall-for-a-cop/posts 

White_shirt_max50

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SkoolCop. Word!!!!!!!!!!! Good observation.

Rafngreenblack_max50

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SkoolCop says ...



Interesting that there are two similar posts in two different threads, started by two seemingly different people (oddly enough both seem to be in the teaching profession - a student teacher and a 3rd grade teacher) and both with "skeleton" profiles, who just happen to find their way to policelink on the same day (03-19-12) to ask relationship questions about the "new police officer" and the "serious cop."  Does this strike anyone else as odd?


policelink. monster.  com/topics/84471-is-it-wrong-to-fall-for-a-cop/posts 



Hmm....maybe we found the source of the serious cop/new police officer's stress? He just found out both his girlfriends not only teach at the same school, but are both on here as well! Awkward....lol

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Rate This | Posted over 2 years ago

 

 thanks guys :).  it is nice to have people who understand and are in the same situation.  that is funny i'll have to find this third grade teacher.

25-1-13-a_1__max50

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Yeah....... ok.

1asteriskshield_ezr_max50

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DonnaLynn says ...



He needs a non-Law Enforcement related hobby with his non-LEO friends... if any are still around.  Maybe you could do something with him on one of this days off... bowling, fishing, sky diving, bungee jumping etc.




Does playing jacks count as a hobby?


You can't cure stupid.

25-1-13-a_1__max50

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ajsdaddyCCSO says ...



DonnaLynn says ...



He needs a non-Law Enforcement related hobby with his non-LEO friends... if any are still around.  Maybe you could do something with him on one of this days off... bowling, fishing, sky diving, bungee jumping etc.




Does playing jacks count as a hobby?



How about


1asteriskshield_ezr_max50

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SkoolCop says ...



ajsdaddyCCSO says ...



DonnaLynn says ...



He needs a non-Law Enforcement related hobby with his non-LEO friends... if any are still around.  Maybe you could do something with him on one of this days off... bowling, fishing, sky diving, bungee jumping etc.




Does playing jacks count as a hobby?



How about




NICE!


You can't cure stupid.

Vpsomourningband_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 2 years ago

 

ajsdaddyCCSO says ...



DonnaLynn says ...



He needs a non-Law Enforcement related hobby with his non-LEO friends... if any are still around.  Maybe you could do something with him on one of this days off... bowling, fishing, sky diving, bungee jumping etc.




Does playing jacks count as a hobby?



Depends on the new policeman boyfriend... LOL


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Csi_squirrle_max600_1__max50

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lilac517 says ...



 Oh I know he is low man on the totem pole!  It is just difficult.  We both have a lot going on (he's buying a house, I am in school doing my student teaching and looking for a job) and I am trying to be there for him throughout this crazy, changing time in his life, but I am feeling streched thin.  I know not to ask him too many questions about his day, let him decompress when he gets out and let him come to me if he wants to talk.  Any advice on how to help him on his days off?



What exactly does your boyfriend need help with??  He should be full of vim and vinegar chomping at the bit to fight crime and save the world.  With four days in a row off he should have plenty of time for you.  Since you are not married and not living together.  I suggest that you let him work out his life and then decide if you want to stay in it.  Am I missing something?

25-1-13-a_1__max50

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mmmm says ...



lilac517 says ...



 Oh I know he is low man on the totem pole!  It is just difficult.  We both have a lot going on (he's buying a house, I am in school doing my student teaching and looking for a job) and I am trying to be there for him throughout this crazy, changing time in his life, but I am feeling streched thin.  I know not to ask him too many questions about his day, let him decompress when he gets out and let him come to me if he wants to talk.  Any advice on how to help him on his days off?



What exactly does your boyfriend need help with??  He should be full of vim and vinegar chomping at the bit to fight crime and save the world.  With four days in a row off he should have plenty of time for you.  Since you are not married and not living together.  I suggest that you let him work out his life and then decide if you want to stay in it.  Am I missing something?



Probably because he is also a "Serious Cop."

Bronzestarribbon_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 2 years ago

 

You must be supportive and understanding and hopefully he will help you to understand things, but keep in mind he may not understand them himself, so know when to concede time and when to step up, but stand by your officer.


For additional advise I would solicit from the wives and or husbands that have been there or are already there.  If the agency has an FOP (Fraternal Order of Police) Union or any associations, then inquire of the other wives and husbands (auxilliary)and get to know them and ask their advise on how to deal with living with and loving an LEO.  Best of luck, next to the military it has the 2nd highest divorce rate.  Not trying to sugar coat anything it's tough sometimes.  You can and will get through it with some understanding, knowledge from others and a firm spiritual connection will help.


As was said he will have to earn his way to the good shifts and hours and so just do the best you can to work with it.  It won't be simple, but it can be done...

Csi_squirrle_max600_1__max50

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SkoolCop says ...



mmmm says ...



lilac517 says ...



 Oh I know he is low man on the totem pole!  It is just difficult.  We both have a lot going on (he's buying a house, I am in school doing my student teaching and looking for a job) and I am trying to be there for him throughout this crazy, changing time in his life, but I am feeling streched thin.  I know not to ask him too many questions about his day, let him decompress when he gets out and let him come to me if he wants to talk.  Any advice on how to help him on his days off?



What exactly does your boyfriend need help with??  He should be full of vim and vinegar chomping at the bit to fight crime and save the world.  With four days in a row off he should have plenty of time for you.  Since you are not married and not living together.  I suggest that you let him work out his life and then decide if you want to stay in it.  Am I missing something?



Probably because he is also a "Serious Cop."



Oh, that explains everything. 

1asteriskshield_ezr_max50

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mmmm says ...



lilac517 says ...



 Oh I know he is low man on the totem pole!  It is just difficult.  We both have a lot going on (he's buying a house, I am in school doing my student teaching and looking for a job) and I am trying to be there for him throughout this crazy, changing time in his life, but I am feeling streched thin.  I know not to ask him too many questions about his day, let him decompress when he gets out and let him come to me if he wants to talk.  Any advice on how to help him on his days off?



What exactly does your boyfriend need help with??  He should be full of vim and vinegar chomping at the bit to fight crime and save the world.  With four days in a row off he should have plenty of time for you.  Since you are not married and not living together.  I suggest that you let him work out his life and then decide if you want to stay in it.  Am I missing something?



Maybe he needs help putting on that snazzy new uniform he was just issued? Do the tabs on the belt keepers look cooler going up or down? Why does the shirt stay tab on my right leg make my leg go nub and not the one on my left? Should I buy 1 expensive ink pen or several cheap ones? Why does my body armor stink.........again........already? Yes I actually need every single thing in the new Galls catalog, etc. You know how them rookie questions/decisions go man!


You can't cure stupid.

Csi_squirrle_max600_1__max50

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ajsdaddyCCSO says ...



mmmm says ...



lilac517 says ...



 Oh I know he is low man on the totem pole!  It is just difficult.  We both have a lot going on (he's buying a house, I am in school doing my student teaching and looking for a job) and I am trying to be there for him throughout this crazy, changing time in his life, but I am feeling streched thin.  I know not to ask him too many questions about his day, let him decompress when he gets out and let him come to me if he wants to talk.  Any advice on how to help him on his days off?



What exactly does your boyfriend need help with??  He should be full of vim and vinegar chomping at the bit to fight crime and save the world.  With four days in a row off he should have plenty of time for you.  Since you are not married and not living together.  I suggest that you let him work out his life and then decide if you want to stay in it.  Am I missing something?



Maybe he needs help putting on that snazzy new uniform he was just issued? Do the tabs on the belt keepers look cooler going up or down? Why does the shirt stay tab on my right leg make my leg go nub and not the one on my left? Should I buy 1 expensive ink pen or several cheap ones? Why does my body armor stink.........again........already? Yes I actually need every single thing in the new Galls catalog, etc. You know how them rookie questions/decisions go man!


Yea I guess.  I worked those issues out for myself, but these young kids today ........  LOL.............


25-1-13-a_1__max50

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mmmm says ...



SkoolCop says ...



mmmm says ...



lilac517 says ...



 Oh I know he is low man on the totem pole!  It is just difficult.  We both have a lot going on (he's buying a house, I am in school doing my student teaching and looking for a job) and I am trying to be there for him throughout this crazy, changing time in his life, but I am feeling streched thin.  I know not to ask him too many questions about his day, let him decompress when he gets out and let him come to me if he wants to talk.  Any advice on how to help him on his days off?



What exactly does your boyfriend need help with??  He should be full of vim and vinegar chomping at the bit to fight crime and save the world.  With four days in a row off he should have plenty of time for you.  Since you are not married and not living together.  I suggest that you let him work out his life and then decide if you want to stay in it.  Am I missing something?



Probably because he is also a "Serious Cop."



Oh, that explains everything. 



Read my original post in the thread.