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Why all Sgt's are God--Rank recognition made easy

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Posted almost 3 years ago

 


My cousin sent me this, it was  posted on the the SSgt’s door.


 


 


General


 


Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Walks on water. Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.


 


Colonel


 


Almost as fast as a speeding bullet. More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline. Leaps short buildings with a single bound. Walks on water if sea is calm. Talks to God.


 


Lieutenant-Colonel


 


Faster than an energetically thrown rock. Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet. Leaps short buildings with a running start in favorable winds. Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present. May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance.


 


">Major


 


Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy. Loses tug-of-war against anything mechanical. Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God, in passing.


 


Captain


 


Can sometimes handle firearm without shooting self. Is run over by trains. Barely clears outhouse. Dog paddles. Mumbles to self.


 


Lieutenant


 


Is dangerous to self and comrades if armed and unsupervised. Recognizes trains two out of three times. Runs into tall buildings. Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of life jacket and water wings. Talks to walls.


 


>2nd Lieutenant


Can be trusted with either gun or ammunition but never both. Must have train ticket pinned to jacket and mittens tied to sleeves. Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter tall buildings. Plays in Mud puddles and studders.


 


Officer Cadet


 


Under no circumstances to be issued with gun or ammunition, and must even be closely supervised when handling sharp pieces of paper - staples are right out.Says: "Look at choo choo!"Not allowed inside buildings of any size. Makes good boat anchor. Mere existence makes God shudder.


 


Sergeant to Sergeant Major


 


Catches hyper sonic amour piercing fin stabilized discarding sabot depleted uranium long rod penetrators in his teeth and eats them. Kicks bullet trains off their tracks. Uproots tall buildings and walk under them. Freezes water with a single glance; parts it with trifling gesture.


 


Is God.


 

White_shirt_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

I read this over 30 years ago.

My_kids_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

LMAO!!! This is awesome.  Gonna have all the "Officer Cadets" read it. 


 

Nym50_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

lol! I'm giving this to my C.O.


Tom

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

When I showed this to my Sgt he liked the rotc cadets are good boat anchors.

Img_0048_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

this IS GOSPEL.......so true...so true...