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Just Looking For Good Advice

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Kts_avatar_max50

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Posted almost 3 years ago

 

So my mom's boyfriend, I recently found out, was in prison up until three months before he moved into my mom's house. I didn't like him but decided that she liked him and he deserved to be given a chance. For the first couple of months living with us he was a decent guy...we weren't pals but we could be civil. Then the sh*t hit the fan. He got in an argument with his mother and has been a completely different guy. He refuses to talk to me or any of my siblings. Normally I would just say he was being a complete a$$, but that's not all. He's brought home a boat a trailer and a truck. he says that he'd been making a lot of money at his auto shop for doing restorations on old cars, but I've been to his shop to pick up my mom on a pretty regular basis...business wasn't exactly booming.


she refuses to tell me what he went to jail for and says that it's in the past and I shouldn't worry. But with the way his personality completely changed and money I can't account for I'm more than a little worried about mom's wellbeing even though she doesn't have a mark on her. I'm not a LEO and I'm not sure if my assumptions are enough to call the police.


In GOD We Trust (All others get searched, then checked through NCIC)

Silver_warrior_max50

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Rated +2 | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

Anytime there is "love" in the air and families that don't see eye to eye. . . . there will be blood (speaking metaphorically for the most part).


To start, your mother is "in love" and there will be NOTHING you can say or do that will turn her away from love.  Love and Hate are the most powerful emotions with Regret running a close 3rd.  With that said, while you will want to try. . . .be VERY careful about how you approach the subject with mom or she will just shut you out and refuse to listen.


Next, I looked at your profile and it does not tell how old you are or your location.  Not that it really matters (much) for this piece of advice, but depending on the state in which you live, someone here may have been able to give you a website to go to so you could do some investigation of your own.  What was he in prison for?  Is he out on parole?  With the crime he was convicted of. . . .or the rules of his parole. . . .can there be children under 18 in the same household?  These are the things that come to my mind when I read your post and look at your profile.


Question:  (working under the "assumption" that the small children in your pictures are either yours or the other lady's child(ren) (or one each. . . not sure). . . .do you want them being introduced to this type of societal element (conmen/women)?  I know I wouldn't want my child anywhere near someone with a prison record. . . .whether that person was "reformed" or not!  Just something to think about.


Lastly, not knowing your age, IF you are old enough to move out. . . .DO SO!  It only took 3 months for the first argument. . . . .how long before the first assault?  Who will be the victim of that assault?  Mom?  You?  One of those pretty little children?  My thoughts are that you have a dog that has bitten before. . . .why give it a chance to bite again?  If mom wishes to keep his company. . . .so be it.  See my first full paragraph.  YOU, nor those children need to be anywhere near him.


Respectfully submitted,


Steve

Andrea_and_i_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

Bump to Beowulf. Well stated and sound advice.

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

double bump to the bump beowulf  well put

Online-photo-sharing-gallery-animal-cat-cougar-artct45_max160_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

Listen to Steve !!!!! Get out if you can !


I have been a probation/parole officer for 26 yrs. CALL YOUR LOCAL PROBATON/PAROLE OFFICE AND ASK TO SPEAK TO HIS OFFICER !!!! Now, was he in county jail or prison? That is going to make a difference. I would still call the local office and just ask to speak to his officer. The receptionist can look up his name and see who has his case file. Tell them what you have told us. Then the ball is in the PO's court. Don't expect them to keep you apprised of any developments, they won't. Do ask that you remain anon. A good po will step up visits and start dropping in on him at work. (unless you live in a state where they stay in the office and make the offenders come to them) If there is something hinky going on, it takes time to build a case. Also, if he get physical with your mom or anyone else in the family CALL THE POLICE. Make sure you report it as a domestic violence.  In my state the DA won't let the vic. drop charges anymore. The State picks up the charge. Good luck.


 


PL's Mamacat

Bronzestarribbon_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

Bump everyone! 


Document everything you find out and everything that he does to you, the siblings and your mother.  If he starts hanging out with people that you feel concerned about, then don't say anything to him, just leave the immediate area and go make note of it somewhere and keep the notes in electronic format or in hard copy where he can't ever get to them.  Protect yourself, as he may see you as a potential threat to his happiness or life style.  Get out if you can.  Best of luck and prayers are being sent...

Kts_avatar_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

 thanks for all the advice...here's some more info:


I'm sixteen. myself and my younger brother have been spending the summer at my older sisters house because my brother doesn't feel safe with mom's boyfriend. 


Does anyone know how I can/if i can find out what he has been in jail for?-I'm not sure if I can do anything because I'm under 18... Too answer cat D's question it was at the weber county jail in utah. 


In GOD We Trust (All others get searched, then checked through NCIC)

Silver_warrior_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

Try this website. . . . .


corrections.utah.gov/services/offender_search.html


(Had to alter the address because it wouldn't let me put it down as is

Newpatch_sq90_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

It's very simple.  Got out of this situation by moving out.  You Mom will figure it out some enough.


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Afghanistan_151_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

Oye... that sounds fishy, I agree with everyone else, get yourself out of there... you'll thank yourself later



Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Silver_warrior_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

Redlight says ...



Oye... that sounds fishy, I agree with everyone else, get yourself out of there... you'll thank yourself later



Oye????  Where does that come from?  Is that a shortened version of, "Oh Boy"?

Att2307142_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

at  16 it isn't that easy to get out. sounds like the younger brother is a concern to him/her.


i hate when a mother picks a man over her own children. makes me sick!

Images_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

 Have you been able to find out what he was in jail for?  Do you have any other family members you can get in touch with that are nearby?


 I agree with Magee88  


Patience is a virtue
SEMPER FI!!!!!

Kts_avatar_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

mystikdragon7 says ...



 Have you been able to find out what he was in jail for?  Do you have any other family members you can get in touch with that are nearby?


 I agree with Magee88  


Haven't figured it out yet, the site that was posted above didn't have "historical records"-so since he's not in jail anymore he's not on it. 



In GOD We Trust (All others get searched, then checked through NCIC)

Th_photo5762_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

beenverified.com can give you the information you are looking for. Have an adult sign up, and then cancel (beenverified.com) before 7 days, and it will not cost anything.


It is very unfortunate, but it is not uncommon for mother's to find 'badboys' and attempt to live a more eventful life. This is done without regards that children are present and are still depending on their mother to make good choices. You are not at fault, and you do not deserve to be put in this situation.


It seems that this guy has already gone sour (again), and it is very uncommon for these guys to just turn things around without causing more problems for those around them. Chances are things are going to get even more ugly, before it is all done with.


Most PO's do not mind recieving information/ being informed about the person they are keeping up with anyways. Also, look in the front of your local phone book, (you can usually borrow one from a convenience store or even restraunts, if you do not have one), there you will find numbers for your local sherrifs office, probations, parole, and other helpful numbers. Make some calls, have another adult call and start throwing the guys name around, you might save your mothers life. But first, you have to make sure you are safe.


Get some where, with a family member. It sound like they have the same idea.  It is nearly impossible for several people to have the same hunch and all be wrong. Get out----get safe---make some calls!!!!

Kts_avatar_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

 I called a tip a cop number and the officer told me he would keep an eye out for anything around his auto shop.


In GOD We Trust (All others get searched, then checked through NCIC)

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

ocicat1994 says ...



 I called a tip a cop number and the officer told me he would keep an eye out for anything around his auto shop.



 


When it is completely and absolutely safe to do so without getting caught by the suspicious person, get the VIN (vehicle identification number) off the truck and the HID (hull identification number) off the boat (VINs are about 12 characters long).  Give the #'s and the make/model/color of the vehicle & boat to the local police and ask if they have been reported stolen.


Sometimes automobiles will have the VIN # located on the dash board in the lower driver side corner facing the windshield.  Also, sometimes the VIN # will be etched onto the windows (if there are two different numbers, get both of them).  I do not know where HID #'s are on boats so you're going to have to look that one up.


Most importantly, exercise extreme caution and stay safe. 

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

BTW, get the license plate # too and give it along with the VIN to the police.  If the VIN comes back to a different plate or vice versa, it might be a clue that something is not right.

Kts_avatar_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 3 years ago

 

 I already gave the license plate numbers to the officer but I'll check out the VIN#s asap


In GOD We Trust (All others get searched, then checked through NCIC)