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Smart A$$ Answers

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Vpsomourningband_max50

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Posted over 3 years ago

 

 




SMART A$$ ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.  

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"  

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."


SMART A$$ ANSWER
#3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


SMART A$$ ANSWER
#2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.

A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead."

Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.

Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up.

The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."


SMART A$$ ANSWER BY DONNA LYNN 3/17/2011



Every night dispatch is called to turn off all the lights in the tiers of our jail and secure all jail cells. Tonight the new CO calls.  I answer the phone and he says "Ms. Donna can you catch the lights?"  I replied, "Sure, are they flying around here somewhere?"  His reply: "Smart Ass!" 




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O_s_max50

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 I thought this thread was going to be about me. How sad.


Ok just kidding, good stuff DonnaLynn!


"Law enforcement officers are never 'off duty.' They are dedicated public servants who are sworn to protect public safety at any time and place that the peace is threatened. They need all the help that they can get."
- Barbara Boxer

"My heroes are those who risk their lives every day to protect our world and make it a better place - police, firefighters and members of our armed forces."
- Sidney

Untitledma28839986-0002_max50

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No way Donna. You are not a smart ass. Nope, don't believe it.

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Irishcop1961 says ...



No way Donna. You are not a smart ass. Nope, don't believe it.



hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha- gasp - hahahahahahahahahahahaha


Smart A$$ answer # 5 goes to Gary !!!!!


PL's Mamacat

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Cat_D says ...



Irishcop1961 says ...



No way Donna. You are not a smart ass. Nope, don't believe it.



hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha- gasp - hahahahahahahahahahahaha


Smart A$$ answer # 5 goes to Gary !!!!!



Gee... are you sure we are friends?  LMAO


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hahahahahaha I don't know !!! He's being pretty mean to you , I bet he don't love you no mo !!!!


PL's Mamacat

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Don't fret, DonnaLynn!  Nobody ever accuses me of being a smart-a$$ either.  ESPECIALLY not in  PL!


Waaaaahhh!!!   


A Jesuit brother comes upon another Jesuit brother praying and smoking a cigarette. "Hey how did you get the Father Superior to let you do it? I asked him if I can smoke while I pray and he turned me down flat!"


"That's easy," replied the second. "You asked Father if you could smoke while you pray.  I asked him if I could pray while I smoke."

Untitledma28839986-0002_max50

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Awww DonnaLynn. 

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MarlyB says ...



Don't fret, DonnaLynn!  Nobody ever accuses me of being a smart-a$$ either.  ESPECIALLY not in  PL!


Waaaaahhh!!!   


A Jesuit brother comes upon another Jesuit brother praying and smoking a cigarette. "Hey how did you get the Father Superior to let you do it? I asked him if I can smoke while I pray and he turned me down flat!"


"That's easy," replied the second. "You asked Father if you could smoke while you pray.  I asked him if I could pray while I smoke."



It's all in the delivery!

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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LOLOL!!! 


I'll take that on advisement.  From an expert.



 


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



Don't fret, DonnaLynn!  Nobody ever accuses me of being a smart-a$$ either.  ESPECIALLY not in  PL!


Waaaaahhh!!!   


A Jesuit brother comes upon another Jesuit brother praying and smoking a cigarette. "Hey how did you get the Father Superior to let you do it? I asked him if I can smoke while I pray and he turned me down flat!"


"That's easy," replied the second. "You asked Father if you could smoke while you pray.  I asked him if I could pray while I smoke."



It's all in the delivery!



 

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a smart A$$ every now and then. I tend to forget the times at which I need to filter my smart A$$ and when I should shut it all together... but you know, I do try....




~~T_9

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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That's right, T9!  Lord knows you're trying.



tluttrell9 says ...



There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a smart A$$ every now and then. I tend to forget the times at which I need to filter my smart A$$ and when I should shut it all together... but you know, I do try....



Vpsomourningband_max50

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Cat_D says ...



hahahahahaha I don't know !!! He's being pretty mean to you , I bet he don't love you no mo !!!!



I was talking to you Cat!  LMAO 


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DonnaLynn says ...



Cat_D says ...



hahahahahaha I don't know !!! He's being pretty mean to you , I bet he don't love you no mo !!!!



I was talking to you Cat!  LMAO 




PL's Mamacat

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MarlyB says ...



LOLOL!!! 


I'll take that on advisement.  From an expert.



 


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



Don't fret, DonnaLynn!  Nobody ever accuses me of being a smart-a$$ either.  ESPECIALLY not in  PL!


Waaaaahhh!!!   


A Jesuit brother comes upon another Jesuit brother praying and smoking a cigarette. "Hey how did you get the Father Superior to let you do it? I asked him if I can smoke while I pray and he turned me down flat!"


"That's easy," replied the second. "You asked Father if you could smoke while you pray.  I asked him if I could pray while I smoke."



It's all in the delivery!



 



Well shyeahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

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rc86 says ...



 I thought this thread was going to be about me. How sad.


Ok just kidding, good stuff DonnaLynn!



I THOUGHT THE SAME THING?  LMAO      Damn! 


What doesn't kill me had better start running!

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Now, Lulu, don't let it go to your hayeed.


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



LOLOL!!! 


I'll take that on advisement.  From an expert.



 


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



Don't fret, DonnaLynn!  Nobody ever accuses me of being a smart-a$$ either.  ESPECIALLY not in  PL!


Waaaaahhh!!!   


A Jesuit brother comes upon another Jesuit brother praying and smoking a cigarette. "Hey how did you get the Father Superior to let you do it? I asked him if I can smoke while I pray and he turned me down flat!"


"That's easy," replied the second. "You asked Father if you could smoke while you pray.  I asked him if I could pray while I smoke."



It's all in the delivery!



 



Well shyeahhhhhhh!!!!!!!


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MarlyB says ...


 


Pfffffffttttttttt!


 



Now, Lulu, don't let it go to your hayeed.


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



LOLOL!!! 


I'll take that on advisement.  From an expert.



 


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



Don't fret, DonnaLynn!  Nobody ever accuses me of being a smart-a$$ either.  ESPECIALLY not in  PL!


Waaaaahhh!!!   


A Jesuit brother comes upon another Jesuit brother praying and smoking a cigarette. "Hey how did you get the Father Superior to let you do it? I asked him if I can smoke while I pray and he turned me down flat!"


"That's easy," replied the second. "You asked Father if you could smoke while you pray.  I asked him if I could pray while I smoke."



It's all in the delivery!



 



Well shyeahhhhhhh!!!!!!!



Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Toiiiing!!


Lulusgt says ... MarlyB says ...but HE really said...



 


Pfffffffttttttttt!


 



Now, Lulu, don't let it go to your hayeed.


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



LOLOL!!! 


I'll take that on advisement.  From an expert.



 


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



Don't fret, DonnaLynn!  Nobody ever accuses me of being a smart-a$$ either.  ESPECIALLY not in  PL!


Waaaaahhh!!!   


A Jesuit brother comes upon another Jesuit brother praying and smoking a cigarette. "Hey how did you get the Father Superior to let you do it? I asked him if I can smoke while I pray and he turned me down flat!"


"That's easy," replied the second. "You asked Father if you could smoke while you pray.  I asked him if I could pray while I smoke."



It's all in the delivery!



 



Well shyeahhhhhhh!!!!!!!




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MarlyB says ...


 


Oh Lulu, you're the greatest! I really think you're swell.......Everytime I see you online I get all tingly!!!!! 



Toinnnng!!!  THWAP!!!


Lulusgt says ... MarlyB says ...but HE really said...



 


Pfffffffttttttttt!


 



Now, Lulu, don't let it go to your hayeed.


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



LOLOL!!! 


I'll take that on advisement.  From an expert.



 


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



Don't fret, DonnaLynn!  Nobody ever accuses me of being a smart-a$$ either.  ESPECIALLY not in  PL!


Waaaaahhh!!!   


A Jesuit brother comes upon another Jesuit brother praying and smoking a cigarette. "Hey how did you get the Father Superior to let you do it? I asked him if I can smoke while I pray and he turned me down flat!"


"That's easy," replied the second. "You asked Father if you could smoke while you pray.  I asked him if I could pray while I smoke."



It's all in the delivery!



 



Well shyeahhhhhhh!!!!!!!





Female_bodysurfer_max50

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    Lulusgt says ...



Grrr...I wish MarlyB gave a rat's patoot about me so I'll just say


     MarlyB says ...


            Oh Lulu, you're the greatest! I really think you're swell.......Everytime I see you online I get all tingly!!!!! 



      Toinnnng!!!  THWAP!!!


Lulusgt says ... MarlyB says ...but HE really said...



 


Pfffffffttttttttt!


 



Now, Lulu, don't let it go to your hayeed.


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



LOLOL!!! 


I'll take that on advisement.  From an expert.



 


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



Don't fret, DonnaLynn!  Nobody ever accuses me of being a smart-a$$ either.  ESPECIALLY not in  PL!


Waaaaahhh!!!   


A Jesuit brother comes upon another Jesuit brother praying and smoking a cigarette. "Hey how did you get the Father Superior to let you do it? I asked him if I can smoke while I pray and he turned me down flat!"


"That's easy," replied the second. "You asked Father if you could smoke while you pray.  I asked him if I could pray while I smoke."



It's all in the delivery!



 



Well shyeahhhhhhh!!!!!!!






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MarlyB says ...


I've got to find a way to throw everybody off, because they will all figure out that I think Lulu is the bomb, I mean he's like the greatest, most spectacular Trooper ever......so I'll just say





    Lulusgt says ...



Grrr...I wish MarlyB gave a rat's patoot about me so I'll just say


     MarlyB says ...


            Oh Lulu, you're the greatest! I really think you're swell.......Everytime I see you online I get all tingly!!!!! 



      Toinnnng!!!  THWAP!!!


Lulusgt says ... MarlyB says ...but HE really said...



 


Pfffffffttttttttt!


 



Now, Lulu, don't let it go to your hayeed.


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



LOLOL!!! 


I'll take that on advisement.  From an expert.



 


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



Don't fret, DonnaLynn!  Nobody ever accuses me of being a smart-a$$ either.  ESPECIALLY not in  PL!


Waaaaahhh!!!   


A Jesuit brother comes upon another Jesuit brother praying and smoking a cigarette. "Hey how did you get the Father Superior to let you do it? I asked him if I can smoke while I pray and he turned me down flat!"


"That's easy," replied the second. "You asked Father if you could smoke while you pray.  I asked him if I could pray while I smoke."



It's all in the delivery!



 



Well shyeahhhhhhh!!!!!!!






Vpsomourningband_max50

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tluttrell9 says ...



There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a smart A$$ every now and then. I tend to forget the times at which I need to filter my smart A$$ and when I should shut it all together... but you know, I do try....




Better than being a dumb ass!


 


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MarlyB says ...


My passion for Lulu keeps me awake all night and makes my days seem to be wasted because all I think about is THAT MAN! He's the most sensative, caring and sexy thing I have ever seen!  I must find a priest to confess my lusting behavior too but I can't let THE MAN...Lulu...find out...



Lulusgt says ...


MarlyB is in thrall with my performance as a state trooper, no question.  Here's my surveillance footage to prove it. 



She's obviously flagged down a priest to confess her unrealistic admiration of my worth.  I must get it out in the open to protect her from any further suffering from her overblown passion by saying...



MarlyB says ...


I've got to find a way to throw everybody off, because they will all figure out that I think Lulu is the bomb, I mean he's like the greatest, most spectacular Trooper ever......so I'll just say


 


 


    Lulusgt says ...



Grrr...I wish MarlyB gave a rat's patoot about me so I'll just say


     MarlyB says ...


            Oh Lulu, you're the greatest! I really think you're swell.......Everytime I see you online I get all tingly!!!!! 



      Toinnnng!!!  THWAP!!!


Lulusgt says ... MarlyB says ...but HE really said...



 


Pfffffffttttttttt!


 



Now, Lulu, don't let it go to your hayeed.


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



LOLOL!!! 


I'll take that on advisement.  From an expert.



 


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



Don't fret, DonnaLynn!  Nobody ever accuses me of being a smart-a$$ either.  ESPECIALLY not in  PL!


Waaaaahhh!!!   


A Jesuit brother comes upon another Jesuit brother praying and smoking a cigarette. "Hey how did you get the Father Superior to let you do it? I asked him if I can smoke while I pray and he turned me down flat!"


"That's easy," replied the second. "You asked Father if you could smoke while you pray.  I asked him if I could pray while I smoke."



It's all in the delivery!



 



Well shyeahhhhhhh!!!!!!!







 



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MarlyB says...


     Lulusgt says ...


Several years of nothing to indicate the contrary has convinced me that MarlyB's total disinterest in me has always been just a         front.  Since MarlyB will not acknowledge her unswerving admiration for my unparalleled prowess as a man and hero, I must do my duty.  I will protect poor little MarlyB from the confusion only true obsession can wreak on a fragile woman's sensibillities. I will relieve MarlyB from her heart's distress.  I am forced to out her as my adoring fan once and for all by saying...



MarlyB says ...


My passion for Lulu keeps me awake all night and makes my days seem to be wasted because all I think about is THAT MAN! He's the most sensative, caring and sexy thing I have ever seen!  I must find a priest to confess my lusting behavior too but I can't let THE MAN...Lulu...find out...



Lulusgt says ...


MarlyB is in thrall with my performance as a state trooper, no question.  Here's my surveillance footage to prove it. 



She's obviously flagged down a priest to confess her unrealistic admiration of my worth.  I must get it out in the open to protect her from any further suffering from her overblown passion by saying...



MarlyB says ...


I've got to find a way to throw everybody off, because they will all figure out that I think Lulu is the bomb, I mean he's like the greatest, most spectacular Trooper ever......so I'll just say


 


 


    Lulusgt says ...



Grrr...I wish MarlyB gave a rat's patoot about me so I'll just say


     MarlyB says ...


            Oh Lulu, you're the greatest! I really think you're swell.......Everytime I see you online I get all tingly!!!!! 



      Toinnnng!!!  THWAP!!!


Lulusgt says ... MarlyB says ...but HE really said...



 


Pfffffffttttttttt!


 



Now, Lulu, don't let it go to your hayeed.


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



LOLOL!!! 


I'll take that on advisement.  From an expert.



 


Lulusgt says ...



MarlyB says ...



Don't fret, DonnaLynn!  Nobody ever accuses me of being a smart-a$$ either.  ESPECIALLY not in  PL!


Waaaaahhh!!!   


A Jesuit brother comes upon another Jesuit brother praying and smoking a cigarette. "Hey how did you get the Father Superior to let you do it? I asked him if I can smoke while I pray and he turned me down flat!"


"That's easy," replied the second. "You asked Father if you could smoke while you pray.  I asked him if I could pray while I smoke."



It's all in the delivery!



 



Well shyeahhhhhhh!!!!!!!







 




Gator_max50

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Is it just me or do we seem to have taken over this entire thread? Just wondering!

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Evidence does point to that.



 


 

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I thought this thread was for smartarse answers you've gotten for people you were gonna give a ticket to.


I had one a couple weeks ago.


Car parked in painted no parking area, with a sign right in front of the car.  I go to the driver and pointed out they were parked in a no parking zone. 


Driver answers "I'm not parked I'm standing" with all the seriousness on their face.


I was a bit stunned then asked, is your car in gear?  She replied no it's in park. She continued to argue that she wasn't parked case she was still in the car and the engine was running.


 


God is a Ninja with a sniper rifle waiting to take you out

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A woman and her girlfriend were speeding down the highway going over 90 MPH.
    Brunette:  "Hey," do you see Any cops following us?"

    Blonde:  "YUP, sure looks like it."

    Brunette: "Are Their flashers on?"

    Blonde:  Hold on..................................."Yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....nope....yup..."


ehhhh, Figured I'd throw this one in, being a brunette and all


What doesn't kill me had better start running!

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