Group Forums >> GOD's Cops >> My Redemtion through learning the hard way.

Rate

My Redemtion through learning the hard way.

404 Views
8 Replies Flag as inappropriate
227_max50

10 posts

back to top

Posted over 4 years ago

 

I have been looked down upon my whole life: for my size and for looks. Growing up an only child, my parents did every thing they could to get me every thing I wanted, yet as my father worked his self into bad health, I was forced to return home after school to a bipolar mother whom threw every thing she did for me or bought me, in my face. Afraid of the verbal abuse, I spent most of my childhood secluded in my room in front of video games, hearing all the absurd opinions my mother was thinking unknowingly out loud,  at the time. I can't say it wasn't hard to keep in constant mind that it was just her mental illness that was verbally bashing me, but after all I was just a kid. Then a teenager, as when she would go into a episode and in out of the hospital, she always came out less a person. There where times that while I was being cussed that I stopped my mother from drinking bleach, from burning pictures she cherished and the house for that matter, and even one time rode with deputies to get her to the hospital. Each time the fact of my birth sent her blood pressure into the 300s and triggered this bipolar gen; This she always threw in my face during her bad times. I remember I was dwelling on this one night before work and just hit the gas. My truck hit a patch of gravel and started to turn over; as the driver side tires came off the ground I felt 2 hand impacts hit my rain guard and slam all four wheels on the road and in to the ditch I went. The officer said there was NO WAY my truck should still be siting on its wheels, for the speed I was going. He said it was the grace of GOD and he was not going to file a report.

  All this played a role in drug use at the age of 19, where I smoked pot and experimented with acid and serums  in to my 20's.Meeting my wife and having kids, opened my eyes and turned me around=so that I could once again pursue my dreams of being a martial artist. I found a master in kosho karate in the church we attended a few times,that ended up being a crack head and even took my family to a crack area after I won 3rd place in The Battle of the Dragons tournament.This hurt me to my core and returned me back to drugs.  I got hooked on pain piles, after a few months; my father being in the martial arts in the army told me that Mind Over Matter and my Love for my family will be all I needed to wing myself off the pills, 7 days of the most pain I've ever endured and now,  5 years clean. Still Yet in 04  I was having another child so In fear of my mothers problem I set out for medical advice of this maybe one day becoming  my problem. The doctors placed me under different meds for a month to see if I had bipolar-ism. After being pulled off the road by 2 state troopers and not knowing that my wife and kids where in the car made me see that NO I did not have this illness and the meds were not for me,I even had to go to court for the incident, they gave me a reckless driving charge and I think Jesus was with me or I could had gotten a lot more charges and to this day, That day in question I do not remember.I have spent many years trying to say I am sorry to my wife. Later that year I was In a car accident where I totaled a 2003 corolla sport by parking it under Hayn's construction's work truck. Mark Little was the officer on the scene and told me to go to court  and pay for the damages'. They gave me 24hrs community service and I paid the 500.00 dollars in person after three continuances for being out of work: for I was fired on the same day as the accident.   

 Every thing started picking up for me when I got on at Lowes hardware, the money helped me pull my family out of area that was not suitable for kids. Our septic tank there was over flowing in to the trailer and the landlord there told us that there was nothing that could be done. So with that I finally got my wife and kids in to a apartment that they could be proud to call home. Yet after 5years with the job they call me in and said that since I had signed my name to a form that only said paid for 10hrs and off for jury duty they fired me, this year. My lawyer talked to their lawyer and they said that since I did not return to work on the day of my jury duty, and signed the form for hrs worked, I was fired. Their lawyer told me that If I keep my mouth shut, they would change my termination papers to Laid-off and they would not contest my right to draw. So with a family of 5, I once again tucked my tail between my legs and took their offer. Not long after this my mother went through risky surgery and a bipolar episode that placed her in Fry medical hospital where she spent Thanksgiving of 09, but before she went in she told me that my father found out that he may have cancer, and with my finances I was unable to visit=so once again I smoked weed. And now because of a stupid mistake my hopes for becoming an officer may be ruined. I was told by my wife's cousin that every officer has to under go a polygraph and that there is a 4-5 year stipulation for smoking, he being a deputy told me that If I go through with b l e t, the best thing for me to be is honest....I need advice....will this hurt me... My new martial arts instructor was in the police, then a deputy and now works as an investigator for my counties DA's office told me to be honest. I met him through a calling in my heart to walk in his dojo. There in his kung-fu class is the first time I felt respect and he has inspired me to do something meaningful with my life. For he his a very GOD fearing man.     

  Yet as I look back now being out of work for 6months I don't really regret anything. During these months I have obtained my GED, and have found my path by the many roads I took to avoid it. I don't know if I will be certified by the state. Still I am not going to give up. God has a way of placing us where he wants us to be, and I am thankful of Jesus Christ for helping us to that destination. This is my experience with GOD helping me and having me go through it all has gotten this family back in church. 

Dolphins_fantasy_max50

3800 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Thank you for sharing your story.  Stay focused on your goals.  Start small so you are not overwhelmed.  Do not let frustration get the best of you.   Stay clear from the drugs and unhealthy influences, including past friends who will try and draw you back into the drug scene.  With drugs comes violence and you dont want to draw your precious young family into that life style.  Seek out and integrate appropriate coping skills so when life throws you a hard curve you do not revert back to illicit drug use. 


Remember your young children/family are your priority and you are the example and mentor they see on an everyday basis.  Keep the faith and let God guide and direct your footsteps. 


 

227_max50

10 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Since the moment I told people that I was going back to school to be a LEO, I've lost friends and had three cars tampered with one with suger in the motor, a suv with the wireing and transmission messed with, and with the car now, the radiator was sliced with a razer. I have ran in to old friends in town just to walk the other way. I am truely blessed to have GOD help me and my family out and away from such people. Thanks Sherry 

Photo_user_blank_big

8 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

hi. just like what sherry said. stay focused. PLEASE. always know that you are worth it. every time something comes up against u, find a way to deal with the pain instead of running from it. you are necessary and you are needed. every decision counts so you have to be careful about the choices you make for yourself because it affects your family and your future. its funny, that when we are just drifting, life seems to just happen to us. but once we make a decision, we start to happen to it. each baby step you take away from those things that block you (including you) that means another step toward those things that bring you closer to your goal. hang in there even if you have to go through hell to do it. 


karen 

Photo_user_blank_big

1 post

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

keep the faith!  Hold on to your dreams!  Ask God for help and then ask for God to give you favor with man, your prospective employers.  stay in church, surround yourself with Godly people who can encourage you.  Remember, God can do anything anywhere for anyone.  Resist the enemy and he will flee!  refrain from negative behavior, be serious with and for God and he will reward you, if you cant abstain from negative behavior ask God to help you.  and remember, God can make a way out of no way.  If an agency wont take you, dont give up, just keep on knocking until a door opens.  and be honest about yourself....

Sg_max50

1626 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Good advice from everyone. You gotta stay clean and find a better outlet for your behavior that does not include using drugs. Since that day it will be at least 3 years before you can apply to most agencies, some may be more. You appear to be honest, which is good, but you have quite a battle ahead of you in many ways. You may be deemed a risk to a dept. based on your past consistant behavior. The LE field is a very stressful one, and with your past, you may be a liability to any dept. Don't give up on your dreams, you will be able to apply when you pass that 3 year mark, but it will be a struggle to say the least. You may never get hired at least not for a while. Not all hope is ever lost. Some good advice might be to go to college and get a degree, I'm not saying in Criminal Justice either. It seems you have found somewhat of an outlet in martial arts, which is good. I wish you the best.

0 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

I once read read "One must pass failure, in-order to reach success" unknown author.  That is the only way I could keep moveing forward during the hard times.

227_max50

10 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 3 years ago

 

Thank you all so much for your wisdom.