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What should I do?

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Posted over 4 years ago

 

I have been an LEO for many years now. I have not cheated on my wife or done anything she would not approve of. I have cut back on my overtime and every chance i get, I stop by the house to check on her and our 2 children. The problem is, she dont trust me and she wants me to quit my job. I feel I have done all I can do to prove myself to her. Its either quit my job or get divorced. What should I do?

Casey_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Please post an introduction per the TOUs and Rules.


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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Your wife is feeling insecure about your career choice and needs some reassuring from you. It is not easy to be a Cop or a Cop's Spouse. When I started in L.E. my wife and I discussed the job for a long while. She knew that this was what I wanted and she did support me. I have always worked shifts even as a civilian so this was not a problem. My wife worries about me and my safety. I tell her each and every day prior to going on shift that I love her and that I will be safe. I also have taken my wife on ride-alongs in the past so she can see what the job is about. There is a great book out there to assist the spouses of LEOs it is called: I love a COP check it out and get her a copy to read it helped my wife. Good luck with this and let me know how it goes. 


PS my son is also a LEO and has been for 10 months and just finished the Academy. We are now an Offical L.E. family. Take care and God bless you and your family.  


Bad stuff happens to good people, handle it and overcome.
My motto for life:
Let go and let GOD,
Only HE can control everything.

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

It sounds like a lose-lose for you. Are you ready to walk away from your family? Are you ready to walk away from a job you love? If she doesn't trust you while your a cop will she trust you when your flipping burgers at Mcdonalds? You and you alone have to make this decision...think long and hard about what is important.

White_shirt_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

I can't believe you would post something so personal. You and your wife need a sit down with a professional.

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IMO, your wife is only hurting your family by asking you to quit (financially and emotionally). It's not your job that's the problem, its underlying issues she has with your actions at work. Perhaps someone is feeling guilty (either you stopping home all the time, or her making accusations because of a guilty concious). Regardless, you guys need to sit down and try to communicate rationally - if you can accomplish this, it may not be the end of the road for either your career or family.


I was told once (by the JCOIC, Gen. Richard Myers of all people, in a personal conversation), "God, family and then country", "thats the order of your priorities". If you whole-heartedly feel that quitting your job will be in the best interest of your family, do it, but you must weigh the options. Something tells me quitting your job is not a solution to the problem, and was not well thought out by your wife.

Female_bodysurfer_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Get quality marriage counseling.

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Yo Kevin, tell ya what. Have your wife check in at PoliceLInk. She will learn soooo much! Many in here are wives of Police Officer. I tell you one thing. the very reason that you are posting this very personal question on line kinda makes me wonder, like Mmm??? I'll be her friend if she needs some expert advise and wise couseling..  There has to be trust and whole lot of love in a marriage when one marries a cop. Whether guy or gal. These question should be put to rest BEFORE YOU WALK THE PLANK> LOL...just a form of speech.  well, good luck and just be truthful and make sure your intentions are PURE IN HERE. You can thank me later..Have  a good w/end.. *******USA USA

Avatar_wild_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Unfortuantely, there seems to be a higher percentage of failed marriages and cheating related to this field.


Has there ever been reason to doubt your relationship from her side? Prior history? Maybe she's been cheated on in prior relationships? If there hasn't been, then she clearly has insecurity or other issues. Best to sit down with a professional. One other alternative, maybe start going out together with her and a partner at work with a solid relationship. LE wives often get along well, due to the common ground. That kind of support is rewarding.


Heroes Live Forever!

Newpatch_sq90_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Sounds like a dictatorship to me.  Did she know what you wanted to do before you got maiired?  The answer will be in this question.


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chiefdennis says ...



I can't believe you would post something so personal. You and your wife need a sit down with a professional. Wow....................I can't even Answer this one for him.


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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Does she have any idea of what kind of job you are going to get once the checks from the department stop coming? Does she have any idea what the job market is like out there now? While you're at it, find out who or what is putting certain ideas in her head. There is a reason for this being an issue. The assistance of a professional counselor is probably in order.


Also, please post an introduction. (Moderator #4)

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

If she don't trust you now, she aint going to.

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Rated -1 | Posted over 4 years ago

 

There is plenty of fish in the sea. This job is a life choice if she can't understand that than you need to find someone who can.


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