To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Watertown, NY night before last.
> Date: 2009-12-07, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
> I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I
> hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my wife, threatening
> our lives. You also asked for my wife's purse and earrings. I can only hope
> that you somehow come across this rather important message.
> First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to
> actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.
> The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My
> wife had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my
> birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
> Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at
> your head ... Isn't it?!
> I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with
> that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking
> bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with
> me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help
> mug us again].
> After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I
> explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up
> my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on
> your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was
> extremely grateful!
> I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van's Go Go, along with
> all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
> I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at
> the curb ... After I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the
> entire driver's side of the car.
> Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell
> just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little
> over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in
> two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while
> mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
> The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while
> he traced your number etc.).
> In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... But I feel this
> type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened
> crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather
> immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity
> to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to
> pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good
> Thoughtfully yours,
> P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil