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Mall Ninja

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Cbpunifclassi_max50

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Posted over 4 years ago

 

I freakin wet myself!


I could only find three, very old posts about this legend. I saw the website reference in another post here on PL, and was almost dissapointed nobody has followed up with this.


I was a giggling bafoon of a school girl on my government office chair, as i urinated upon its cushioney a$$ pillow. Then I found the Mall Ninja Apptitude Test, and damn near passed out from lack of oxygen to the brain.


Here are the links:


http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/
 

 


aptitude test at:


http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=6753325773046944943

Recommend the use of a restroom facility prior to perusing said material. Love to hear your own Mall Ninja sightings and post your aptitude scores.


A got a 23 aptitude....now I feel like a tool. 


PESTIS PER BARDUS POPULUS NOS AGO PORRO
(PLAGUED BY MORONS WE PRESS ON)

Cbpunifclassi_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

You might be a Mall Ninja if...


The bulk of your training is from youtube videos.


You refer to other people as civilians, and have never been in law enforcement or the military.


Stories of when you were "in the military" refer to the week and a half you were in the reception battalion because you never even made it into basic training.


You think you can use martial arts moves you have seen in a movie once, but you can't do a single push up.


You enjoy throwing an acronym into everyday conversation and laugh to yourself that the stupid civilian has no idea what the acronym means.
 
If you have more than one firearm with a 'tactical' accessory attached.


If you own fatigues, but not natural earth toned.


If you shoot your pistol sideways, with only one hand... you might be a mall ninja... or a gangster.


If you own a gas mask, but dont use it for its intended purpose.
 
When you look in the mirror you see Rambo but when others look at you they see Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.


You think getting a tattoo of barbed wire on your arm makes you look tough.


You spend more time thinking about guns and tactical gear than you do about sex.


You have a better chance of hitting the lottery this Saturday than you do of getting laid in the next 5 years.


The only pictures of females in your wallet are pictures are the ones it came with.


You've been kissed by girls lots of times, unless Mom and your Aunts don't count.


You have worn camouflage clothing off your own property for something other than a trip to the hardware store to get supplies for a home project, but you have never been in the military.
 
If you've ever jumped in the middle of a gun conversation and asked if they own a SAW Machine gun.
 
When you are told by your significant other to sweep the garage, you grab an AR and yell back “Clear!”
 
When the inlaws come for a visit,they pull in your drive way and you yell out..

"Hostiles inbound!!"


You have a glock with a lanyard hanging next to the shampoo in your shower.


You lean up against the handgun case in BPS and try to look cool.


When you enter a gun shop, the employees roll their eyes because they know your gonna’ ask to look at that AR.....for the 8th time that week.


Your self defense knife is a Swiss army...double points if it's the model with the clock built in.
 
if you have any edged weapon "strategically" placed for home defense.
 


PESTIS PER BARDUS POPULUS NOS AGO PORRO
(PLAGUED BY MORONS WE PRESS ON)

Evil_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 


1 or 2 of those sound dangerously close to somethings I may have or do.....


Io might try that garage thing just to get a rise out the wife I presently don't have.  It would almst be worth it to get a wife so i could.  Hostiles inbound, I'm going to have to remember that one, LOL.


You have the rest of your life to solve the problem, how long your life lasts depends on how well you do it. -Clint Smith

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Lone_ranger_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Dang,, that sounds like a good portion of my agency.  Crap!


"You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than with a kind word alone"- Al Capone

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Melilly_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Lol I have to send this to my husband.

Online-photo-sharing-gallery-animal-cat-cougar-artct45_max160_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

ROFLMAO !!!! I can't believe  that crap.   FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY !!!!!


PL's Mamacat

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Very funny.

1067_med_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

  That guy had me going for a minute.


I don't believe in an eye for an eye...I believe in two eyes for an eye.

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

I can hardly believe there are people out there like this. It is truely astonishing. These people may need professional help...seriously.

Transformation__rebirth_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

WOW ... that was scary funny LOL


"Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. And NEVER regret anything that made you smile"

friend formerly known as "Sprite"

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Good grief.  That was entirely worth the 45 minutes it took me to read all of that.  Such entertainment!  I was really expecting SpecOps to turn out to be faking it the whole time, and the friendship with Gecko completely ruined.  A guy can dream anyway, right?

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Evil_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted over 4 years ago

 

The sad part of it all is that people like that walk among us and they breed.  There are some tools working some low end security job like a mall that truly think like those goobers.  Sometimes they even show up on PL claiming to be just like the police.  They truly believe they are high speed low drag operators because they took an online seminar from another tool claiming to be a Navy Seal. 


They are endless source of online entertainment.  It is hard to believe that some people really are that .......... stupid and still remember to breath


You have the rest of your life to solve the problem, how long your life lasts depends on how well you do it. -Clint Smith

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Online-photo-sharing-gallery-animal-cat-cougar-artct45_max160_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Scurge is right. and you call always tell which ones they are by the way they walk (swagger) down the walkways in the mall. I always laugh and avoid them.


PL's Mamacat

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Ever  see Paul  Blart, Mall Cop? lmao!People  actually  act   like  this!

Cbpunifclassi_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Ive heard Observe and Report was a pretty good representation of this train if thought. With this joker in Minessota caught for terrorist activity against the mall, it would be classic if this mo-mo showed up again with a ...told you so! Better yet, claiming to have headed up the investigation to catch him.


PESTIS PER BARDUS POPULUS NOS AGO PORRO
(PLAGUED BY MORONS WE PRESS ON)

Patrol_car1_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

 That was well worth the time to read through it. I was laughing so hard my wife had to come in and check to see what I was doing. Then she got hooked on it and couldnt stop laughing, I just have a mental pic of what his golf cart looks like with the up armor and missiles attached to it.

Photo_user_blank_big

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

God help us all if these guys are really carry those weapons at the mall. All we need is to get in a active shooter situation while off-duty and have this idiot end up shooting the off-duty cop instead of the bad guy. But, overall the read was pretty freaking funny....

Packerbacker_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Cat_D says ...



Scurge is right. and you call always tell which ones they are by the way they walk (swagger) down the walkways in the mall. I always laugh and avoid them.



big BUMP!


The tude that never ends... their stuff don't stink they are the ruler of the mall and don't forget it!




speed's the key.. when in doubt punch it out

Cot_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 


MODERATOR #7

Hpim1329_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

For shame, positing about the Mall Ninja.  It is like you are mocking his greatness.  Long live the Mall Nija.     

The_

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Rate This | Posted over 4 years ago

 

Absoulty Hillarous,  but according to the "you migh be a Mall Ninja if"  I've got a couple that are pretty close.  Just for fun i put up a pic of me posing with my AR after reading this.  I'm thinking the guy might look something like this except he'll have several layers of body armor duck taped to himself and 2 or three more long guns hanging off something in his back. 


Yes i'm a security guard, yes I work armed, and yes I have even worked a mall a time or too, but no I do not feel the need to duck tape trama plates to myself for the walk to my car.  I use phone books, lol


Stay safe guys, and Kudos to the Mall Ninja for having the guts to actually post stuff like this on the internet. 


Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition.

In Loving Memory or Officer Nick Erfle EOW 9,18,2007

Cbpunifclassi_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 4 years ago

 

It’s an extra special kinda’ funny for anyone who has worked security. I was the Asst. Director of Public Safety at a super secret squirrel mall (The Shops @ Mission, Mission Viejo, CA....damn....now I gotta’ kill ya’.)


I’ve hired and fired these types. How are they gonna’ appropriate and master weapons of ass...er...mass effect to whit they will distribute an ungodly amount of lawful discipline with extreme prejudice and envious accuracy is beyond me. While presented with their weasely and rather pathetic presence, I can’t imagine feeling safe with them handling a water hose rather a rifle (code name booooom stick). 
 
Long live the Mall Ninja.
 
Even more disturbing: you can see where I work now.....and they are still among us.


PESTIS PER BARDUS POPULUS NOS AGO PORRO
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Online-photo-sharing-gallery-animal-cat-cougar-artct45_max160_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 4 years ago

 

mOOSEmAGIC says ...



It’s an extra special kinda’ funny for anyone who has worked security. I was the Asst. Director of Public Safety at a super secret squirrel mall (The Shops @ Mission, Mission Viejo, CA....damn....now I gotta’ kill ya’.)


I’ve hired and fired these types. How are they gonna’ appropriate and master weapons of ass...er...mass effect to whit they will distribute an ungodly amount of lawful discipline with extreme prejudice and envious accuracy is beyond me. While presented with their weasely and rather pathetic presence, I can’t imagine feeling safe with them handling a water hose rather a rifle (code name booooom stick). 
 
Long live the Mall Ninja.
 
Even more disturbing: you can see where I work now.....and they are still among us.

BWAHAHAHAHA !!!!! Sooo sorry for you Moose !!! Hey, If I promise to stay out of Ca can I live ? Just askin'.


PL's Mamacat

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Rate This | Posted almost 4 years ago

 

I have just wasted 45 minutes of my life and I could not finish reading it.


R.I.P "Macho Man" Randy Savage

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Rate This | Posted almost 4 years ago

 

I just sat down and watched Paul Bart Mall Cop with my son. then BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH


PL's Mamacat

Eagle_logo_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 4 years ago

 

I don't see whats so funny, those two obviously worked for a super secret government black ops team that patrolled the mall to keep away the nazis, chechen rebels, and the italian mafia.


Long live Mall Ninja!

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Rate This | Posted almost 4 years ago

 

I used to work with one of those guys.

Sg_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 4 years ago

 

I just read through quite a bit. Those guys must have been joking, no doubt.

Evil_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 4 years ago

 

BSL1123 says ...



I used to work with one of those guys.



Was his name BSL....Oops was that my outside voice?  haha


You have the rest of your life to solve the problem, how long your life lasts depends on how well you do it. -Clint Smith

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