22 Things To Never Say To A Cop

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

5. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

8. Bad cop! No donut!

9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?

12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

14. I pay your salary!

15. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

16. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

17. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.

22. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

Why are you dressed up as a police officer--is it Halloween already?

When asked if he knew why he was pulled over, the speeder replied, "Because you smelled the doughnuts?"

True story:    Driver speeding down the freeway, Sheriff Deputy Smith clocks her on the radar and eventually pulls her over.

Deputy: "Ma'am, do you know I pulled you over?"

Driver: "Because you thought I was cute and wanted to ask me out to the Sheriff's Ball"

Deputy: "Ma'am, the Sheriffs don't have Balls"....silence as what he said sinks in.

Deputy: "Ma'am, have a nice day"   and walks away. 

My former roomate told me that about his lady friend that actually did this when he was living out in California.

A LEO buddy at a trafficstop: I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty ladies? Your right , We don't.....sign here.......

I thought I saw a kid jump out of a dumpster, but I wasn't sure, I was driving but I turned around and pulled up next to him and his friend.

Me: "What's going on today? Hey did I just see ya'all  playing around in a dumpster?"

One of the teenagers "Which one?"

My partner then laughed hysterically....

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then the other night I had a drunk in public Navy Wife..

Navy Wife: "Hey, pollllicceeer officeeeeeerrrr...."

Me: "Yes ma'am."

Navy Wife: "Guess whhhaat!! Yourrrr aaaaaaaaa.... DYKE!!"

I thought my watch commander was gonna fall down laughing hysterically....

Well she got it in the end. I just smiled at her.

"My husband is a Senior Chief- he'll here about this."

She had passed out behind the NEX.

We took her home... come to find out she had beat the crap out of her husband.

and now she is lawyering up....

she tried to pull the whole 'I'm a nurse- I save lives and you ruin them."

me "I was an EMT, I saved a bunch of lives, now I'm just balancing it all out ma'am."

she was too drunk to understand what was going on she blew a .227- amazing

For sure. She was dazed and confused. But I did administer the test and that's what I was told was her result.

THe senior chief blew a .17 so he wasn't far behind.

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Driver: No Officer

Cop: You were clocked going 102 in a 70. I am going to issue this citation. You can pay the ticket in person or by mailing it in. If you would like to contest you need to appear on the court date appointed on the back. Have a nice day.

Driver: So does that mean I can keep my Weed?

that was funny! lol

These are both true stories, my buddy was speeding home one day and I was in the vehicle with him, this is before I becamse a corrections officer.

Deputy: excuse me, but how fast do you think you were going?

Buddy: chuckles, uhm not as fast as I was with your wife last night.

Deputy:........ OUT OF THE CAR MOTHER !@#$%^

Sir I am pulling you over on the account of excessive speeding and racing do you have anything to say?

I'll race you to the station for a six pack sparky.

"One Moment, Please."

Officer makes vehicle stop in pouring rain. Walks up to the car and the driver rolls down the window a crack. After reason for the stop is made, driver goes to look for her license. Rummaging, rummaging, she turns to the officer through the crack and says, "One moment, please." Still rummaging and officer is getting soaked to the skin. Short time later the driver slides the drivers license through the crack and closes the window.

Officer goes back to his unit and scratches out a cite. Goes back to driver, slides cite book through the window. Driver signs the cite and contact is complete.

Officer goes back to his unit and waits.

Eventually the driver steps out of her car, comes back to the officer (still pouring rain) and officer opens his window a crack. She says, "Sir, I think you have my license."

Officer says, "One moment, please." and begins rummaging through his car ... rummaging, rummaging, rummaging.

After a bit, officer finds the license, slides it throught the window crack and now, the contact is complete.

Texas2step says ...

NightEagle says ...

Dont tell a cop you work for x amount of lawyers.   Then again tell them and let them do their deeds .. makes for an excellent law suit, for those who dont study law yet enforce it.  If only all cops where made to have the knowledge of lawyers.  Which brings me to my interest, why arnt cops made to know the law like a lawyer?   Simple .... people are to lazy to do 6 years of college.   Apparently 8 weeks of training is enough to know the letter of the law.

Not cool at all.................

WOW!!!!!  Obviously, this person does not realize the many basic peace officer training course take 6 months to a year to complete and then there is continuous required training. I have a couple thousand hours of training. I know that tons of officers on this site have the same and even more. Plus there is on going formal education while we work.  But what do we know....... We're just cops.  We specialize in criminal law and procedures.  Law students only get a basic foundation in criminal, civil, family, juvenile, tax, corporate, probate, etc. laws.  Lawyers then learn a specialized field they want to practice.  Believe it or not, but cops teach lawyers as much as lawyers teach cops.

Well helloooo there, Glad you pulled me over, I was just heading for a cup of coffee ...want to join me handsome? 

LOL..just kidding, I have never been pulled over, so..I haven't a clue!

NightEagle says ...

why arnt cops made to know the law like a lawyer?   Simple .... people are to lazy to do 6 years of college.   Apparently 8 weeks of training is enough to know the letter of the law.

I hope this isn't a serious question..............