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ADD YOUR BEST: WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A COP!

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Me_max50

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Posted over 5 years ago

 

22 Things To Never Say To A Cop

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

5. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

8. Bad cop! No donut!

9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?

12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

14. I pay your salary!

15. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

16. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

17. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.

22. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

Pug_max600_max50

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+2

Rated +2 | Posted over 5 years ago

 

When the officer says, "Your eyes are red have you been drinking?"  You reply Officer," your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?"

Mr-natural_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

Why are you dressed up as a police officer--is it Halloween already?




Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

Mr-natural_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

OMG, I forgot the obvious one:


"Don't taze me, bro!"




Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

U_of_copatch_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

When asked if he knew why he was pulled over, the speeder replied, "Because you smelled the doughnuts?"

Cpusey-001_max50

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Rated +3 | Posted over 5 years ago

 

A buddy of mine was pulled over by a female officer. teh female officer walked up to his car and told him that anythign he says will be held against him..... My buddy replied "BOOBS"........

Iphone_pics_014_max50

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+2

Rated +2 | Posted over 5 years ago

 

True story:    Driver speeding down the freeway, Sheriff Deputy Smith clocks her on the radar and eventually pulls her over.


Deputy: "Ma'am, do you know I pulled you over?"


Driver: "Because you thought I was cute and wanted to ask me out to the Sheriff's Ball"


Deputy: "Ma'am, the Sheriffs don't have Balls"....silence as what he said sinks in.


 


Deputy: "Ma'am, have a nice day"   and walks away. 


 


My former roomate told me that about his lady friend that actually did this when he was living out in California.

Mr-natural_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

Chief171 says ...



A buddy of mine was pulled over by a female officer. teh female officer walked up to his car and told him that anythign he says will be held against him..... My buddy replied "BOOBS"........



That reminds me of a part of a newish X-Files-esque TV show called Fringe. The very fine looking blonde FBI agent shows up at the door of a frat house and asks "Would you mind if I came in and asked you a few questions?" and fratboy replies in a very suggestive manner, "I would loooove it."


 




Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

Pug_max600_max50

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+1

Rated +1 | Posted over 5 years ago

 

A LEO buddy at a trafficstop: I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty ladies? Your right , We don't.....sign here.......

100_0228_max160_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

Dui Check point= Could you please park my Car


Only God knows his plans for all of us and why we might meet in life

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

I thought I saw a kid jump out of a dumpster, but I wasn't sure, I was driving but I turned around and pulled up next to him and his friend.


Me: "What's going on today? Hey did I just see ya'all  playing around in a dumpster?"


One of the teenagers "Which one?"


My partner then laughed hysterically....


--------------------------------------


then the other night I had a drunk in public Navy Wife..


Navy Wife: "Hey, pollllicceeer officeeeeeerrrr...."


Me: "Yes ma'am."


Navy Wife: "Guess whhhaat!! Yourrrr aaaaaaaaa.... DYKE!!"


I thought my watch commander was gonna fall down laughing hysterically....

D454d7298dd76a808385_max160_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

Lol!  Those kids were making the rounds, huh?  "Which one"  And I hope you got the last laugh on Navy wife!  How long was it before she threw the "my husband's an officer"  line on the ground?  I HATE that shi-.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away...

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

Well she got it in the end. I just smiled at her.


"My husband is a Senior Chief- he'll here about this."


She had passed out behind the NEX.


We took her home... come to find out she had beat the crap out of her husband.


and now she is lawyering up....


she tried to pull the whole 'I'm a nurse- I save lives and you ruin them."


me "I was an EMT, I saved a bunch of lives, now I'm just balancing it all out ma'am."


she was too drunk to understand what was going on she blew a .227- amazing

Mr-natural_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

ernswat says ...



she was too drunk to understand what was going on she blew a .227- amazing



Wow--she's lucky to be alive with that BAL, no?




Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

For sure. She was dazed and confused. But I did administer the test and that's what I was told was her result.


THe senior chief blew a .17 so he wasn't far behind.

Photo_user_blank_big

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Rated +1 | Posted about 5 years ago

 

My favorite was the soccer mom I pulled over for 75 in a 55 zone.  As I'm asking her to sign the ticket she says, "Why don't you go out and arrest a bank robber instead of harassing good people?"  "Bank robber!", I replied, "Gee that sounds dangerous, I think I'll just play it safe and give you a ticket."

Slspic_max50

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+2

Rated +2 | Posted about 5 years ago

 

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?


Driver: No Officer


Cop: You were clocked going 102 in a 70. I am going to issue this citation. You can pay the ticket in person or by mailing it in. If you would like to contest you need to appear on the court date appointed on the back. Have a nice day.


Driver: So does that mean I can keep my Weed?

Photo_user_blank_big

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+2

Rated +2 | Posted about 5 years ago

 

Stopped a kid for speeding who thought for some goofy reason that his family wielded a lot of influence in the community. First question out of his mouth before even producing his DL..."Do you know who my father is?" That elicited a question from me..."No, do you?"

Me_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 5 years ago

 

that was funny! lol

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+1

Rated +1 | Posted about 5 years ago

 

State trooper tried to pull over a driver. The driver took off. when the State trooper got him stopped, he asked why he ran.


Tooper: " Why did you Run?!"


Suspect:"WEll you see, my wife ran off about a year ago with a state trooper and I thought you were trying to bring her back!"


 

Me_max50

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+1

Rated +1 | Posted about 5 years ago

 

These are both true stories, my buddy was speeding home one day and I was in the vehicle with him, this is before I becamse a corrections officer.


Deputy: excuse me, but how fast do you think you were going?


Buddy: chuckles, uhm not as fast as I was with your wife last night.


Deputy:........ OUT OF THE CAR MOTHER !@#$%^


 


Sir I am pulling you over on the account of excessive speeding and racing do you have anything to say?


I'll race you to the station for a six pack sparky.

Photo_user_blank_big

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Rate This | Posted about 5 years ago

 

As I was catching the intoxicated driver as he was falling out of his car door opening. Driver: Say your a pretty good feller, you want a beer? I got more in the back seat!

Just_passin__thru_max50

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+4

Rated +4 | Posted about 5 years ago

 

"One Moment, Please."


Officer makes vehicle stop in pouring rain. Walks up to the car and the driver rolls down the window a crack. After reason for the stop is made, driver goes to look for her license. Rummaging, rummaging, she turns to the officer through the crack and says, "One moment, please." Still rummaging and officer is getting soaked to the skin. Short time later the driver slides the drivers license through the crack and closes the window.


Officer goes back to his unit and scratches out a cite. Goes back to driver, slides cite book through the window. Driver signs the cite and contact is complete.


Officer goes back to his unit and waits.


Eventually the driver steps out of her car, comes back to the officer (still pouring rain) and officer opens his window a crack. She says, "Sir, I think you have my license."


Officer says, "One moment, please." and begins rummaging through his car ... rummaging, rummaging, rummaging.


After a bit, officer finds the license, slides it throught the window crack and now, the contact is complete.


The Guy !
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Honoring the Fallen

Trot_copy_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 5 years ago

 

lamo. Oh, those are great!


I'd love to have a battle of wits with you, but you appear unarmed.

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Rate This | Posted about 5 years ago

 

Texas2step says ...



NightEagle says ...



Dont tell a cop you work for x amount of lawyers.   Then again tell them and let them do their deeds .. makes for an excellent law suit, for those who dont study law yet enforce it.  If only all cops where made to have the knowledge of lawyers.  Which brings me to my interest, why arnt cops made to know the law like a lawyer?   Simple .... people are to lazy to do 6 years of college.   Apparently 8 weeks of training is enough to know the letter of the law.



Not cool at all.................



WOW!!!!!  Obviously, this person does not realize the many basic peace officer training course take 6 months to a year to complete and then there is continuous required training. I have a couple thousand hours of training. I know that tons of officers on this site have the same and even more. Plus there is on going formal education while we work.  But what do we know....... We're just cops.  We specialize in criminal law and procedures.  Law students only get a basic foundation in criminal, civil, family, juvenile, tax, corporate, probate, etc. laws.  Lawyers then learn a specialized field they want to practice.  Believe it or not, but cops teach lawyers as much as lawyers teach cops.

Photo_user_blank_big

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Rated -1 | Posted about 5 years ago

 

Speeder: I am late for work and that is why I was speeding. Do you mind hurring it up?


Me: Ok sit tight. I go to my car and check for warrants using the wrong name several times, then wrong birthday, then watch a Policelink video then issue a citation with a mistake, void it out, write another one. and ten or so minutes later walk back up and say.. sorry about the delay for some reason they had you flag as a wanted person for prostitution. Tell me again what kind of work do you do?


Ok that is a slight over statement but I do take my SWEET time in issuing a citation if they try and hurry me along.


How about what people imply without words.. such as signing a citation Jane (John) Doe, R.N. (M.D.; D.O.) OR MY FAVORITE Attorney Jane (John) Doe.


My reply to this was, Ma'am I understand your a nurse and it is fine you signed as such but it will not void this citation out. You were traveling 68 mph in a 35 mph zone and you took over one mile with my lights and siren on before you pulled over.

Sparkle_girl_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 5 years ago

 

Well helloooo there, Glad you pulled me over, I was just heading for a cup of coffee ...want to join me handsome? 


LOL..just kidding, I have never been pulled over, so..I haven't a clue!


I Don't look back for long, I keep looking Forward!
From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven.

Lpd_patch_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 5 years ago

 

One of my favorites was during a DUI stop a number of years ago.  I demonstrated the walk and turn to a twenty-something blonde coed from the local university and her response (on tape) was, "I couldn't do that sober!"  She later pled guilty.

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Rate This | Posted about 5 years ago

 

NightEagle says ...



why arnt cops made to know the law like a lawyer?   Simple .... people are to lazy to do 6 years of college.   Apparently 8 weeks of training is enough to know the letter of the law.



I hope this isn't a serious question..............


 

Photo_user_blank_big

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Rated +1 | Posted about 5 years ago

 

NightEagle.. so I guess the forum of Humor was to much for you.. and why does my statement give a negative image?

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