>They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank goodness for church

>ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually

>appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

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> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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> The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:

>'Searching for Jesus.'

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> Ladies, don't forget 20 the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those

>things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone

>who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

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> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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> Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious

>pleasure to the congregation.

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> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

>downstairs.

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> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help

>they can get.

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> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.

>So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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> A bean suppe r will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music

>will follow.

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> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'

>Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several

>new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.

>Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person

>you want remembered.

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> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and

>gracious hostility.

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> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be

>seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from

>the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are

>invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

> --------------------------

> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend

>him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

> --------------------------

> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the

>back door.

> - -------------------------

> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church

>basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

> --------------------------

> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please

>use large double door at the side entrance.

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> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last

>Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.