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Don’t really know what to do

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It is more of a question I lost my daughter Alyssa Lynn Preston on 02/18/09 to CDH (Congenital diaphragmatic hernia) and I have had some issues in dealing with this. I have now been diagnosed with depression and have been put on a few med for this. I have requested to see a shrink to see if that will help but all that I have found are booked for over the next 2 years. Seams a lot of others are having a bad day to. Well my question is if any one has been threw this or has and suggestions on how to get back on track.  I have many up and down days most are down and I love and miss my daughter but I also know that I need to live my life for the rest of my family. For some reason when I am working on the streets it seams to help but then all the alone time seams to make it worse as well. So I don’t know what to do any one have a clue.

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 I am soooooo sorry for your loss. While I myself have not lost a sick child, I feel for those that have. The best I can suggest is to take one day at a time, just 24 hours. I have found out from loosing other family members that this seems to be the key, or it was for me. Don't try to look any farther ahead than that one day because too many thoughts will sneak in and overwhelm you. Unfortunately being depressed compounds things. Talking to a doctor will definately help, for some reason I find it easier to get out raw emotion and feelings to someone I don't know that well(doctor wise). I however am surprised that noone can squeeze you in to discuss things with you. I'm not sure if you were seeking someone that specialized in berevement issues and such but if you were, try looking for a general practice "shrink". There may be more general practice doctors available. Doesn't your work provide you an avenue for this. Have your general doctor refer you to someone.


Make sure your medication is the right one for you. I had to try several different ones. I found after I lost my mom that I felt like I was in this tube or hole and I couldn't get out I was stuck. Depression causes feelings like that. I had separation anxiety too. I was on meds but they weren't working, so I had to have my meds switched. When I did, I started feeling like I wasn't in a tube anymore and everyday noises didn't ring so hollow and sound so far away. I don't know if your depression symptoms manifest themselves this way but that is how I could tell the meds were doing there job.


It is critical however that with you working on the street, you have to concentrate on the job at hand, so you don't wind up getting hurt or worse.


If you can't find someone to talk too. Off load here, that's what this is for. If that makes you uncomfortable, I have also found that, believe it or not, write you feelings and such down like in a journal, diary, or just on paper if you get boxed in emotionally.. I have done that, with other issues of course, but have actually felt better afterwards. It does help get the built up pressure off your shoulders.


The one thing I have found out about loosing those dear to you- you never get over it but you will slowly learn how to adjust to the loss so you can get through the day. You have to have, you time, where you can go off by yourself and let loose, be it cry, curse, punch a punching bag, or whatever, because pent up emotions can cause a physical pressure build up from the inside and that can make you sick- for real. 


There are memorial pages on the internet you can go to and make a memorial for your lost loved one. It seems to be very cathartic. You set things up add whatever you want - text, pics, music, etc. and then you can pass out the id # for your page and everyone can visit and sign a guest book and get to know your lost loved one. It is really quite touching. I'll see if I can scratch up the address and post it for you, if you like.


If all else fails you, I will listen to you! I'm not a professional but I will listen- if you feel really pushed up against the wall, vent to me. I don't discuss secrets or confidences( I'm pretty much a loner anyway). My e-mail is: gumby63857@aol.com, just add your pl name in the content  space under you name so I won't drop your e-mail as junk or something.


I by no means am trying to tell you what to do, I'm just throwing out my experiences in hopes that you can utilize something I said for yourself. It's not always easy, but try to take comfort in the fact your loved one is not suffering. I watched my mom suffer excruciating pain for 2 years and although loosing her hurt like hell(still does 15 years later) I am relieved she no longer has to suffer. Even sounds wierd for me to say after that long.


Many hugs and prayers for you and your family.   Lorrie

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dp224inva says ...



 


It is more of a question I lost my daughter Alyssa Lynn Preston on 02/18/09 to CDH (Congenital diaphragmatic hernia) and I have had some issues in dealing with this. I have now been diagnosed with depression and have been put on a few med for this. I have requested to see a shrink to see if that will help but all that I have found are booked for over the next 2 years. Seams a lot of others are having a bad day to. Well my question is if any one has been threw this or has and suggestions on how to get back on track.  I have many up and down days most are down and I love and miss my daughter but I also know that I need to live my life for the rest of my family. For some reason when I am working on the streets it seams to help but then all the alone time seams to make it worse as well. So I don’t know what to do any one have a clue.

 I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious child. This is the hardest time in any parent's life if they ever have to go through this.  I have lost 5 babies. I don't feel the same pain you do as you got to know your daughter, but that has it's own pain as well as I wished I would have gotten to at least spent some time with all of them before the Lord took them.  I want you to read my post, it's the first one about  my oldest son having CP and being born 1 pound 11 ozs.  I don't know if you have Jesus in your life, it's none of my business to stick my nose into your personal life.  But I will tell you that if you want to start healing your heart and your soul, He is the way to go and it starts with one prayer. If you don't know how, just talk to Him like he's sitting next to you.  Nothing is instantaneous as everything is in His time. Give Him a chance to work in your life, I KNOW you will be surprised. Hand your troubles over to Him like my husband and I did. We didn't expect the answer to be yes when we prayed for our son and gave our son to Him to either leave with us on this Earth,,,but what we did have was trust that either way it turned out, we would accept it.  We souldn't like it one bit, but we would accept it.  If you have any questions, i'll get back to you as soon as I possibly can. I won't cram my religion down your throat, but if you want to talk i'll be here for you.


God Bless, stay safe, an don't get complacent!!


Lori


Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, with a well preserved body...but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting.... HOLY SH*T... WHAT A RIDE!!!

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I am so sorry for your loss .   A phycharist is an MD and I would highly recomment that somehow you find one.  It could take one or more changes to find the right one. they can help with medication also. I learned to grive. Turning anger inward creats depression. I believe in giving my garbage to God. he is ready and willing to take it. God loves us not because who we are, but because of who God is.


It has worked for me. I work with children with life threatening conditions. I watch parents deal with death. Many times I see an incredible pain. The healing process is next. I am proud of you for reaching out to us.  This is one of the first steps. Sometimes we punish ourselfs for something we did or didn't do real or immaginary. 


I am only talking from my experience. I pray for you and your loss and that you will find God's peace and grace. I love being back on track. With love.


 


 


 

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dp224inva says ...



 


It is more of a question I lost my daughter Alyssa Lynn Preston on 02/18/09 to CDH (Congenital diaphragmatic hernia) and I have had some issues in dealing with this. I have now been diagnosed with depression and have been put on a few med for this. I have requested to see a shrink to see if that will help but all that I have found are booked for over the next 2 years. Seams a lot of others are having a bad day to. Well my question is if any one has been threw this or has and suggestions on how to get back on track.  I have many up and down days most are down and I love and miss my daughter but I also know that I need to live my life for the rest of my family. For some reason when I am working on the streets it seams to help but then all the alone time seams to make it worse as well. So I don’t know what to do any one have a clue.

I have a few friends who've lost children. One lost bost her son and her husband. What she frequently says is she keeps going because they wouldn't want her to crawl in the grave with them ... that they would want her to go on with life.


A lot of hospitals run grief counseling sessions ... regularly scheduled sessions that offer sympathy, the company of others who've also lost loved ones and coping strategies. You might want to look into the availability of these in your area.


My other suggestion is cry when you need to ... and pray ... a lot ... for the strength and go on. You'll never forget Alyssa, but maybe the memories of her life will become stronger than the pain of her loss.


You're in my prayers ... God Bless


I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it. For I shall not pass this way again. Unknown

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 Bless your sweet heart. I'm praying for you to find the comfort that you need.


 You've been given a lot of good suggestions here and I'm sure one of them will get you where you want to be.  


In the mean time, just know that there's a lot of good folks holding you up in our prayers and good thoughts and that if you need us, you just have to ask. Just like you did! Good job for reaching out!  


Blessings,


Annie