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Beers after work

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Posted over 5 years ago

 

So I have been married to my husband for 3 yrs. He started his career as a sheriff and has recently went PD side. I used to work for the PD he chose and my mother still does. I am now pregnant and frustrated. Is it really necessary to go get beers after work everytime someone leaves the department, retires, has a b-day, etc? I feel left out. I knew these people first and now I am not even invited! It is hard enough to wait up for him when he comes home on time. Am I just being a big baby?

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

I would say (quick answer) is YES to your questions.................cops need cops and they need time together on duty and off. The part that sounds like a bell or alarm going off is the left out part. YOU might want to talk it over and reach sometype understandings or as you well know....................sometime away can lead to lots of time away.


Good luck.


It is what it is.............and.........these things too shall pass.

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

Should have expected that answer I guess. So why am I so annoyed then? I feel like I am always waiting, scheduling everything around him. The job already consumes enough time. Shouldn't I get first priority at EOS and on days off? He asked how I felt about it and I said I felt left out but he went anyway. Seems like the department comes first sometimes. In the end they won't change his diapers when we grow old.

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westywife says ...



Should have expected that answer I guess. So why am I so annoyed then? I feel like I am always waiting, scheduling everything around him. The job already consumes enough time. Shouldn't I get first priority at EOS and on days off? He asked how I felt about it and I said I felt left out but he went anyway. Seems like the department comes first sometimes. In the end they won't change his diapers when we grow old.



You're right.....they won't change his diapers...................but YOU (and HE) must work it out. No one else can do it for you. If you are pregnant, i'm sure your emotions are running HIGH and that will not always be the case, so at some point in the future, you'll be better equipped emotionally to handle things. THAT in no way is to say that you are at fault - just that you are at a different place in time than he is.


I have ALWAYS said that the only job tougher than being a COP is being a COP's WIFE........and a COP's WIFE is a special breed that not every woman is cut out for.


AGAIN - good luck.


It is what it is.............and.........these things too shall pass.

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

I wanted to! Wasn't invited! That's not how his department is. It is very much a boys club. Besides, who wants to be the guy who is so whipped he has to bring his wife everywhere.

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sit down and have a talk with him and tell him how u feel. Yes when people retire etc it is customary to have a choir practice. We had wives show up at ours however, and it was never a big deal.

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

From reading the aggravation and emotion that is going into the replies I have a feeling that this runs much deeper than not being invited to "hang out with the guys". Perhaps you should meet with a counselor and delve into this a little deeper.  You may be surprised.

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I think it is not my marriage that is really the issue here. I think it is my history with the department. They were not  very nice to me when I worked there. I struggled and was constantly reminded I wasn't tough enough. I guess it  sort of feels like he is sucking up to the enemy. I want him to be happy and successful there but I guess I am jealous cause I feel like I wasn't. Felt like he chose them over me. Plus, with his previous department I was always invited and if I wasn't he didn't go. He just did that automatically. It is hard to understand what changed. Anyway, there are a ton of other factors here. I am happily married to a wonderful man. It just takes a toll on a marriage.

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

I didn't suggest that your marriage was in trouble only that there was more to the story...and apparently there is, I stand by my suggestion to speak with a counselor about your issues... with your former employer. 

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Or maybe a counselor about my control issues and perfectionism! We can't afford that on his sad LEO salary! LOL! Just kidding! I really just wanted to know if I was being crazy emotional or if I had a right to be threatened. I don't think I picked the best place for sympathy. I thought more wives and less cops would respond. Plus, who wouldn't want to have me around? I am just such a peach! Don't worry, I only yelled at him for an hour or so when he got home. I am slowly getting over it anyway (til next week when he gets invited to something else!) C'est la vie, I suppose. I need to grow up.

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Don't forget what hormones do to you. When I was pg with the 1st one I was a raving lunatic. My husband and I met throwing darts so we were in the bars a lot. When I got preg. the first thing that happened was I couldn't STAND the smell of beer. I had quit darts but my husband was still throwing darts and playing in the pool league. I knew what bar they had played in by how his clothes smelled when he came home. Cried at the drop of a hat and gained a TON of weight. And when they put me on desk duty I thought I would lose my mind. Trust me it does get better with time


PL's Mamacat

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Cat D, Thanks for the support. Fortunately for me (and unfortunately for him) I am pretty emotional all the time. I haven't had a lot of prego induced craziness and most of the people I know would agree. But I do think that the changes in our social life due to my pregnancy probably have played a role in how I view this whole issue. I bigger problem is I really like my hubby and I want him around all the time. I get mad when this is not possible. It is even worse because I am so aware that we may have limited time together. I don't wanna miss anything. I just wanted someone to tell me it is okay for me to be selfish every once in awhile since his job asks me to be selfless so often!

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westywife says ...



So I have been married to my husband for 3 yrs. He started his career as a sheriff and has recently went PD side. I used to work for the PD he chose and my mother still does. I am now pregnant and frustrated. Is it really necessary to go get beers after work everytime someone leaves the department, retires, has a b-day, etc? I feel left out. I knew these people first and now I am not even invited! It is hard enough to wait up for him when he comes home on time. Am I just being a big baby?



An event to get a chance to be together and unwind is an great event. Do they have to drink, no but  finding reasons to do something is a plus. I can understand you feeling left out, but it happens. You are pregnant, and I see why you are upset, but you will not be pregnant forever and you will be back amoong them. Let your husband enjoy his time, they need to throw you all a get together when the little one comes..


I love each day like its my last! Why do we are have to be so serious?

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westywife says ...



Should have expected that answer I guess. So why am I so annoyed then? I feel like I am always waiting, scheduling everything around him. The job already consumes enough time. Shouldn't I get first priority at EOS and on days off? He asked how I felt about it and I said I felt left out but he went anyway. Seems like the department comes first sometimes. In the end they won't change his diapers when we grow old.



You should be first to him and I say you are to him. But he is living life as it goes, you are feeling left out and just need to tell him. I say you are not the first to feel this way. My wife was the same when she was expecting the twins, but she told me she needed me with her more and I had to make more of a effert.


I love each day like its my last! Why do we are have to be so serious?

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

Lil Sis you have PERMISSION to be selfish !!! Being preg is hard work !!!. The bad part is I am the leo in my house but my husband was an MP 20 + yrs ago so he understands the "attitude". The big part of dealing with this is knowing what is making you unreasonable. You really don't want him around when he's had a really bad day. He needs to be with his brothers to let the stress off. If your not a leo, you don't want to know the details of what he's had to do that day. TRUST ME. Just remind him you like to spend time with him too. Do the crying when he's not there. Enjoy every day off that you can. If you loved him enough marry him and he was a cop you knew what you were in for. Hang in there. If you need to talk you can always PM me


PL's Mamacat

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Account Removed says ...

I think it is not my marriage that is really the issue here. I think it is my history with the department. They were not  very nice to me when I worked there. I struggled and was constantly reminded I wasn't tough enough. I guess it  sort of feels like he is sucking up to the enemy. I want him to be happy and successful there but I guess I am jealous cause I feel like I wasn't. Felt like he chose them over me. Plus, with his previous department I was always invited and if I wasn't he didn't go. He just did that automatically. It is hard to understand what changed. Anyway, there are a ton of other factors here. I am happily married to a wonderful man. It just takes a toll on a marriage.

Sounds like your still trying to be accepted by that department. My fiance and I went through something similar when I was leaving my old job to become a corrections officer..The guys all wanted to go out to the bar after my last shift and she expressed to me that she wanted to come along..I (being the manly man) refused because there were no other wives/girlfriends coming. She made sure I didn't have a moments peace all night by dialing my cell phone atleast 200 times..I had no bad intentions and I honestly love her with all of my heart and Im sure your husband feels the same way...You probably didn't want to be around a bunch of drunk slobbering men in a cramped smokey bar anyways lol.

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Rate This | Posted over 5 years ago

 

I understand what you mean. You are annoyed that they don't bother with you but.....when you knew them first, did they bother inviting you anywhere and now they suddenly stop? Are they all men or any women cops in the group?