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Please forgive me if I speel.. I married a soldier, I was abused physically, mentally and verbally every day of the 7 years he was in the Army. When he was away he had them on base spy on me 24-7 and when he got back he knew everything.  I was not allowed to have family or friends, I was not allowed to speak to anyone and when we were out I was to cast my eyes to the ground. If I didn't serve him fast enough he would throw it in my face. When company came over, I was to sit in the corner, refresh drinks, change ashtryas, etc. I could not eat until he was done, I was either stripped of my clothing and thrown outside or my head went down the toilet, literally. I had 8 miscarriages because of the physical abuse and I started menopause at 22...When my children were old enough, and that was a chore because he had them treat me the same, I got up and left. I loved my children but I needed to get out before I either went nuts or Dead.. I used to go to work with black eyes bruised ribs, they knew but didn't do anything and then there was no help, nowhere to go and the police at that time did not involve themselves in domestic abuse and when they did they would asked me sit and talk it out leave me there and then I'd get it because they came...I LEFT and TOOK my life back and slowly, never living on my own, never being able to keep any money, never paying a bill or buy food, I GOT OUT and I DID IT ON my OWN.. I wish then that there was more help available but then Im not sure I could have got the courage to tell another person my personal life after being told for so long was ALL my fault and this crap about"WELL I LOVE HIM" really takes a hold and we seldom can't understand why a woman stays. We just have to offer our ears and our shoulders and our advice to get someone out thats terrified she/he is gonna have the crap beaten out of her/him, men are just as likely to be in an abusive situation as women are. The situation can just as easily turn from a woman to a man...Today I am happy, I have my LIFE back and NO ONE will EVER touch me again. I HAVE TAKEN CONTROL OF MY LIFE and when I started my website I provided safe and fun sites for kids and helpful websites for women as well as my friendship, my ear and my shoulder and a full understanding of their situation because I've been there and If I could help one woman/man get out I would....

Im sorry I speeled like that and it was not something I wanted to relive and man I did with every word here I felt I went thru it as I typed it and Im not upset, IM ANGRY..that another human being can treat another like that....Annie GOD BLESS YOU MY SISTERS/BROTHERS, I KNOW YOUR PAIN ...

Your not speeling hun, if it feels good then say it. When I went for help I needed someone to tell me IT WS NOT MY FAULT. I made him mad,

AND its not love, you not supposed to hurt and like you say, ITS NOT GOING TO GET ANY BETTER... But the pschy said to either talk about it or write it down and then destroy it as if to say THATS IT. NO MORE, Apologies, suicide attempt. its not love its CONTROL, its POSSESSION, they figure that piece of paper is a permit allowing them to absue us.. TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE SISTERS and BROTHERS TOO.. Love is not supposed to hurt...Alcohol is no excuse...YOU TOOK the first step sister and NEVER look back again and once you have control of your life NEVER let it go...Take care my sister and God Bless and give the KIDDIES and big hugs. They don't need to learn it this way and make sure you sit down with them and tell them, especially the girls that this is not permisible and tell the boys that this is unexceptable behavior and teach them manners and respect and teach them to walk away take a deep breath before you say or do something you will regret..The children should never see or hear violence.. They are like sponges they absorb everything they see and hear...girlfriends...Annie

I"m so sorry that you went through this.  I will never understand how a human could treat another this way :(  I dated a guy who emotionally abused me and that was a really long time ago.  No one deserves to be treated like you were treated.  You are a survivor.

patchez says ...

Please forgive me if I speel.. I married a soldier, I was abused physically, mentally and verbally every day of the 7 years he was in the Army. When he was away he had them on base spy on me 24-7 and when he got back he knew everything.  I was not allowed to have family or friends, I was not allowed to speak to anyone and when we were out I was to cast my eyes to the ground. If I didn't serve him fast enough he would throw it in my face. When company came over, I was to sit in the corner, refresh drinks, change ashtryas, etc. I could not eat until he was done, I was either stripped of my clothing and thrown outside or my head went down the toilet, literally. I had 8 miscarriages because of the physical abuse and I started menopause at 22...When my children were old enough, and that was a chore because he had them treat me the same, I got up and left. I loved my children but I needed to get out before I either went nuts or Dead.. I used to go to work with black eyes bruised ribs, they knew but didn't do anything and then there was no help, nowhere to go and the police at that time did not involve themselves in domestic abuse and when they did they would asked me sit and talk it out leave me there and then I'd get it because they came...I LEFT and TOOK my life back and slowly, never living on my own, never being able to keep any money, never paying a bill or buy food, I GOT OUT and I DID IT ON my OWN.. I wish then that there was more help available but then Im not sure I could have got the courage to tell another person my personal life after being told for so long was ALL my fault and this crap about"WELL I LOVE HIM" really takes a hold and we seldom can't understand why a woman stays. We just have to offer our ears and our shoulders and our advice to get someone out thats terrified she/he is gonna have the crap beaten out of her/him, men are just as likely to be in an abusive situation as women are. The situation can just as easily turn from a woman to a man...Today I am happy, I have my LIFE back and NO ONE will EVER touch me again. I HAVE TAKEN CONTROL OF MY LIFE and when I started my website I provided safe and fun sites for kids and helpful websites for women as well as my friendship, my ear and my shoulder and a full understanding of their situation because I've been there and If I could help one woman/man get out I would....

 

Im sorry I speeled like that and it was not something I wanted to relive and man I did with every word here I felt I went thru it as I typed it and Im not upset, IM ANGRY..that another human being can treat another like that....Annie GOD BLESS YOU MY SISTERS/BROTHERS, I KNOW YOUR PAIN ...

Thank you for starting this post. It really does help to talk about it. I just wish my 2 daughters had comps. They are 26 and 22. They have both been in bad relationships already and both have 2 chidren of their own. All boys.. My oldest has been married almost 10 years but is going thru a divorce. He is fighting her at every turn that involves custody of their boys. It has taken almost 2 years just to get this far. He was a very controlling person also. I know for fact he grew up in that kind of life with his parents. Once he married my daughter, his mom left his dad. My younger daughter has only been married for less than a year and already split with her husband. I thought he was going to be different. But alas, he was like the others. I have been really talking to the both of them. They both ended up in relationships with women but as it turns out, women can be as controlling as men. Being a mother, I am always worried about them, but I am here if they need me. My door is always open. And I have a spare room set up for either or both of them if they need to just get away sometimes. Thank you for all you do. God Bless and Take Care.

Im sorry to say that the relationship my daughters and I have is not much. The oldest one always ran to daddy and he always over rode all my decisions and punishments. The young one I kept close to me and gave her everything and allowed her freedom...It was like a war zone in my house.

Now I stand back and see the same thing in her two daughters, ones spoilt the other is treated like crap. When I saw that I phoned the Maury Povich Show cause he was having an episode on Forgive and Forget..We got there, we did the show but it didn't matter...Now they are 35 and 37 and they are still the same but but for a year I sat the 3 grandkids to help her fiancially while she worked, they have grown up now and I went back to work for the past 2 years but now the grandkids are coming to me and I asked why mom doesn't call me. because I was trying to help her and like she said, you couldn't raise us so what makes you think  you can advise me on mine... So we have not chatted in nearly 2 years...My point is, PLEASE do not raise your kids "Mom can I, or Dad, Mom says and he oversteps he decision and then the parents fight and the kids are watching with a smirk. If you make equal decisions on the kids, you should have 1 disciplinary and the other parent abides by it.. Its the kids job to pit the parents, thats what makes for a disfunctional family...

OH  I feel so good when I say whats on my mine....Please tell US, WHATS ON YOUR MIND!!!!

HAVE A WONDERFUL SUNNY SUNDAY....Annie

aprilinvenice says ...

Thank you for this topic, and to the person that invited me to this group!!

 

I just recently went to court, again, as a witness to the fact that my husband hurt me. AGAIN.

I was all torn up, for weeks before I went,  not really knowing what to do... i do love this man, but knowing he will eventually kill me one day... so.. I prayed. I prayed for God to do for me what I can not do for myself. I have to say, my co workers, all sheriff's deputies, were really pissed off at my husband, and knowing the statistics, DID NOT WANT me to go back again.  So the DA said that I do not have a choice about the no contact order. They extended it to a year. I breathed a sigh of relief. I know in my heart that love is not enough.

its hard. but living in fear, my 16 year old son having to walk on eggshells everyday is hard too.

I need some counseling, for sure, but I will never be a victim again.

 

 I understand that you feel you love this man, but I think being with him for as long as you have and being his victim for as long as you were, may not really be love, but more of a fear of being alone, feeling as though you are worthless, that HE is the only one who could love somebody like you.  Well I am here to say, first I am a very straight forward person and I never set out to hurt feelings so here it goes.  Pick your head up woman, repeat after me DO NOT LET THE WORLD MAKE YOU A VICTIM, MAKE THE WORLD YOUR BITCH!

You have a son, your son is going to need counciling, he needs to know that after what he has wittnessed for 16 yrs is not the norm and  it is never ok to put your hands on somebody man or woman.  You both are going to need a strong support system, 16 is such a rough age for a young man.  Please don't ever feel guilty, don't ever feel that you deserved what you got.  These situations are hard to escape, the fact that you have been able to come out alive means that you have been given a second chance.  Jump on it, show the world the strong woman that you truely are, because only a strong woman would admit and then ask for help.  Please DO NOT ever go back to this man,, no matter how sorry he is or how many times he says he will never do this again.  It is time to break the circle of abuse, if you don't as harsh as this may sound, your child may grow up to be an abuser or become abused.  This is not just about physical abuse, but mental abuse as well, these scars last along time, but they can be healed.  So you have a year of no contact, great, stick to it!

Please somebody else throw there 2 cents in here  =-)

I hope I helped alittle

An abusive spouse will ALWAYS be an abusive spouse and they WILL NOT change. If you are hit on more than one occasion, your spouse will hit you again and again until you leave or one of you is dead, period. GET OUT of any abusive relationship, period. Never stay for 'the kids'. If you can get them out with you, do so. If not, then get out anyway and call the police and get an attorney to make sure you get the kids. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Before 'Civil Rights' went crazy the police were sometimes called to simply kick the crap out of the abusive husband to keep him in line. Can't do anything like that at all anymore so it is up to you to get out and take shelter. There are many women's shelters and attorney's and programs to help you now. This advice also goes for any abused husbands, get the hell out and get a divorce.

This is horrible and even though there is help available to get away from the abuse, many stay out of fear.

I worked with a girl who's husband would take her into the woods and hunt her.with a gun......she was terrified of him. one time she left he went into her work place and literally carrried her out . Not one of her cooworkers did anything to stop him..  My cousins hsb would take all of her clothes and make her sleep naked on the floor with no blanket or would lock her outside with no clothes......Another woman is married to a minister who walks around like he is God but he is also an abuser.  I cannot imagine this much less how it would feel to be beaten physically.  My husband never hit me which is probably a good thing b/c I would have killed him and he knew that.

But...ppl do not realize that though not fatal, the verbal control hurts and destroys also and it is not always coming from a deadbeat husband/wife (yes women abuse too)  Many hardworking, pillars of the community, professionals and religeous leaders are abusers.... . Constantly accusing, following, questioning every move , irrational displays of temper, questioning what you wear to the point that you wear clothing that is unflattering so he will not think you are trying to impress other guys, the only friends you have ourside of work are his friends, goes thru your purse, cellphone etc.. etc.... .. 

Always glad to see someone break free from this treatment! May God keep you strong and heal your internal and external wounds.

I have posted my own personal story of child abuse in the group God's Cops....it is called "The LIstening Ears of Children"...I share my story to let others know they have the courage and strength to survive their abuse and also to move forward and be an inspiration and hope to others.

Radiographer states:

Check dut the song Bricks from Ashes. Just type it in. Check out the website.

Please check this site out.  It is a tremendous tribute to the strength of surviving abuse and violence.

I know the best of who I am comes from surviving what I did as a child.  I learned perseverance, endurance, tolerance, critical thinking skills, stewardship,  leadership.  Never underestimate what you can gain from the most extreme circumstances.  It forges our character as a human being.

To all of you who have lived through abuse please realize you are not to blame.  Your perpetrators are the ones who are  weak, not you.  It is those who choose to disgrace, humiliate, shame, degrade and abuse who are the cowards.   Find the help you need to get out of your abusive circumstances, do not wait for your abuser to change.....it could cost you your life.  God bless and stay safe......life is precious.

Faye_Cat91 says ...

wow..that's very sad and very touching. i'm sorry this happened to you. but then again, it seemed like you got out alive and stronger and probably more aware of those you grow close to. Thanks for sharing such a personal time of your life with us.

Just remember an abuser will use any style of emotional and verbal abuse to  beat down the confidence of their victim.  Take care.