Law Enforcement Specialties >> Communications Center >> Things you never say to a dispatcher

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Things you never say to a dispatcher

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After a very long day at work, I almost pee'd my pants reading these posts!  Thank you to all who contributed for adding levity to my day!

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midnightspumpkin says ...



Lulusgt says ...



"Fetch me a cop of coffee, would ya hun" All ya'll should use that...............just once!



Actually, we have a Sgt that we always pick on...whenever he comes to the office we tell him that we need fresh coffee to be made and we tell him how we want it fixed...black, 2 sugars, etc.  Once in a while he will actually do it just humor us!



midnightspumkin is my better half so i'll probably get into trouble for this but I cant resist: What she didnt say is that the dispatchers started razzing this particular Sgt by calling him their "Coffee Bitch."    


 

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This one always gets em. SPIT OUT THAT CHEETO BEFORE  YA TALK ON THE RADIO.


Bad stuff happens to good people, handle it and overcome.
My motto for life:
Let go and let GOD,
Only HE can control everything.

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HUT66 says ...



midnightspumpkin says ...



Lulusgt says ...



"Fetch me a cop of coffee, would ya hun" All ya'll should use that...............just once!



Actually, we have a Sgt that we always pick on...whenever he comes to the office we tell him that we need fresh coffee to be made and we tell him how we want it fixed...black, 2 sugars, etc.  Once in a while he will actually do it just humor us!



midnightspumkin is my better half so i'll probably get into trouble for this but I cant resist: What she didnt say is that the dispatchers started razzing this particular Sgt by calling him their "Coffee Bitch."    


You will not get in trouble from me...the Sgt on the other hand may be upset that his secret identity has been revealed!


 


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I would love to have the 10-28(tag) on the LA veh for Delicious Peters. We have a dispatcher here that repeats whatever is in the narrative of a call. An officer ran a tag that came back to a hispanic male and the name was Philashio ( not sure correct spelling, just say it). Officers ran the tag all day long!!

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"Can you hear me know?"


Happiness is a belt fed weapon.
Great danger lies in the notion that we can reason with evil.

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Taffy says ...



"Can you hear me know?"



HUH? You are French, No?


or now?


Honestly Taffy, you're making my head hurt trying to keep up with you!

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We had an officer at my last job (in Maryland) that had cleared for a Code 9 ( bathroom break). Well he neglected to call back in service when he was done, and walked out of the bathroom into an armed robbery in Progress (that NEVER happens). So he calls over the radio:


Officer needs assistance 10-18 My last location. So the dispatcher did her Job


Officer in need of emergency assistance from any available units. Reference Code 9.


He caught hell for that one for MONTHS!!


Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For I have trained my whole life for that moment.
AWB- They Call me FLEX!!!!

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For this post, I will temporarily rename this thread "Things you never say to a male dispatcher."


When we were short-handed on nights several years ago they'd send up an officer, usually the most junior one, to do lunch relief. Translation: they'd sit around and eat, read the paper , or gripe about being up there. They had no dispatch training whatsoever so most couldn't even answer the phone and they were only there because we were 'required' to have 3 on duty (even if only 2 could actually do anything).


So one night this guy is sitting there and a call comes in, I can't remember the details but it was a fight or something similar that many units responded to. The officer calls the sergeant on duty and starts complaining that he's missing the call because he's been "sent up to Dispatch to do women's work."


That went over well, especially because this particular individual wouldn't have lasted a half hour on a console on a dead slow night, much less when it's busy.


Then there's the 'chat' feature in CAD where the officers can converse with one another (and us). Some were apparently unaware that Dispatch could and did read these messages and several snide remarks about radio were made.


I've been around long enough to know all this comes with the territory, and that most of the officers respect us and what we do. If not for that, this kind of stuff would be a lot more disturbing to me.


For a funny one, the state has a 'pet friendly' plate featuring a closeup of a cat head and dog head facing each other in profile.



We had a former state trooper come to our department from a rural area of Georgia. .One day this officer does a traffic stop, gives the tag number, pauses, then says in a heavy, slow drawl, "Radio, it's one of them animal lover tags, it's got a dog and cat kissin'."


  

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AZmeangreen says ...



Me: "Radio, I need FoxDelta (fire dept) at my 20 for a vehicle fire."


Radio: "What's the color of the vehicle?"


Me: "Uh...on fire."



u should have responded with "Charcoal"

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Lulusgt says ...



"Fetch me a cop of coffee, would ya hun" All ya'll should use that...............just once!



My wife is one of our dispatchers, so I might get away with this one once or twice.

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We had a dispatcher ask one of the officers to bring her a bottle of milk from the store (u know..a small one)....he told her she better make that lowfat milk.....eeekk


Im so glad I run everyday so he doesnt say that to me

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Funniest thing I ever heard was the other night at the jail. Our guards pack radios and one of the new guys was gone to do his 30 minute rounds while I helped to book a couple new guys in. Next thing I heard was>>>> NewGuy: Radio I need back up in cell D.,,RADIO:Whats the problem?...NewGuy:This sum bitch slammed my finger up in the cell door. We all rolled laughing at this guy and sure enough he had a smashed finger lol.

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dispatcher4 says ...



I am sure everyone has run the driver license out of LA.. I ran a 10-27 (driver license) and it came back to a Delicous Peters.. It took me 3 times to try and say that on the radio. I would call the officer and start with the 10-27 comes back to and I would have to say 10-12 (stand by) and then I would start again. After 4 attempts I finally said it comes back to that subject and current. I was on the floor laughing so hard. Of course there was a gathering of officers listening and thought it was hilliarous...  Very long night



Try running a 10-27 that comes back to Anita Dick.  Officers love to pull that one on the newbies in dispatch. Then they ask  "dispatch can you repeat your traffic"  I always spelled it out for them phonetically.  Then you have the one that say.  I'll be enroute.  Yeah funny huh.

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AZmeangreen says ...



Me: "Radio, I need FoxDelta (fire dept) at my 20 for a vehicle fire."


Radio: "What's the color of the vehicle?"


Me: "Uh...on fire."


 


OMG! That's too funny!


I had a Firefighter in a training class tell us one time that they were en route to a fire, and one of the guys asked for "directions and a house description" He said the Dispatcher came over the radio and said, "Turn right onto (whatever street) and it'll be the first house on fire."


I could've died laughing.


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signal_4f says ...



When calling out tags, I like to come up with weird replacement words for the phonetic alphabet.... off the top of my head, the most confusing one is   W... why    That really confuses them. Theres always P... Phone, X....xylaphone


any others??



 


We have a new guy (fresh out of the academy) and he was making it up as he went, he didn't know there was an actual alphabet... I'd get "N - Nickel", "D- Dime,:" "Q - Quarter," "M- Money," "" ...and the list went on... My favorite is "B - Banana"

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AZmeangreen says ...



Overheard the following:


Agent: Radio, I've just had an accident involving livestock.  I'm ok. Can you advise a supervisor?


Radio: 10-4, what's your 20?


Agent: South of the intersection of canal road and Rogers.


Radio: What type of livestock was involved and how many?


Agent:  Maybe 30... it looks like I've silenced the lambs...


 



OMG...I would've smacked you when you got back to the station

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dispatcher4 says ...



I am sure everyone has run the driver license out of LA.. I ran a 10-27 (driver license) and it came back to a Delicous Peters.. It took me 3 times to try and say that on the radio. I would call the officer and start with the 10-27 comes back to and I would have to say 10-12 (stand by) and then I would start again. After 4 attempts I finally said it comes back to that subject and current. I was on the floor laughing so hard. Of course there was a gathering of officers listening and thought it was hilliarous...  Very long night



 


LMFAO!!! I would've done the same thing, but I have been laughing on the radio, then have the Southern Linc go off with the Lieutenant, "what's so damn funny?"