Okay, So I just thought I would bring this up, see if anyone can relate to it. I have been in a relationship with someone who is in law enforcment. He works 6 days a week, which makes our relationship sometimes tougher not being able to see eachother too often. I know of alot of other people who have gotten divorced, because they grew distant from their spouse because they rarely saw eachother. It's really hard on me, because I love him, I constantly worry about him. It seems everytime he gets off work, its off to bed...then back to work the next day...My biggest fear is something happening to him while at work....Thats why I dont go a day, even when we fight, without telling him I love him. ...I dont want to grow distant from him and lose him....Any one relate to this.

I feel ya Amber,yes I can relate to you.I been in love with one for eight years.And it is hard.I keep reminding myself to hold on loosely but don't let go.LOL.

Amber,  Being a male he is wanting to be the bread winner for you & the family, I know been there, done that.  I will say to you every day before he walks out that door to work do 5 things.                                                                                                                                                              

1. Make sure he is wearing his vest.( if he doesn't have one, GET ONE)   


2. Give him a Hug    


3. Give him a passionate kiss, that he'll remember all shift.   


4. Look him straight in the eyes & say "I LOVE YOU"  


5. Tell him to come home to you safe

Amber08,
I beg you to hang in there. If you love him, and he loves you back, please dont give up faith. I have been a cop now for about 5 years give or take a few months, and i have moved around to 3 different agencies. Im in the process of getting hired for another one, because i moved around so much for the military. My job cost me my first marriage. At the time i was a rookie, and going through my FTO training, which is about a year long, and its like your probationary period, and "learning period", eventhough all i really remember is a lot of paperwork. My husband couldnt deal with the "competition" that he created in his own mind. I was never unfaithful to him, or even came close. I moved on, and fell deeply in love with another man, who wasnt a cop. He knew what my job entailed when he met me, and admired what i did, and thought it was "hot". 6 months into the relationship we moved in together, and it all fell apart slowly from there. He got tired of sleeping alone every night, and the days i was off, i would sleep all two days just about, because i was so tired, or worked almost a double shift of OT, or between extra duty, or "detail" work. This lead to us arguing about absolutley nothing, and lacking in effective communcation. I tell you what, eventhough i slept a lot, and i worked a lot, I loved him soooo much. I would have given my life in an instant to save his, and i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and i thought he was the one. How heartbreaking it was for me after Christmas when he showed me the engagment ring he bought, and planned to give to me on Christmas Eve, but didnt because he couldnt imagine spending the rest of his life with that lifestyle.

To be able to survive dating a cop, or being married to a cop, you too have to be able to give "selflessly", and without the expectation of getting a whole lot in return, atleast not immediatley. You have to have a great amount of independence, and strength. Our jobs cost us a whole lot, but at the end of the day, all we really want is that person that loves us, and supports us, and smiles back at us. He may not be giving a whole lot emotionally right now, but i assure you, he probably loves you a whole lot. I wish there were someone in my ex Justins life to try to convince him to stay with me, because other than my job, i tried hard to be the typical wonder woman, clean cook, and satisfy his every need. Be patient. Love does not a boundary, and when you love someone, love them...do not wait to see what you will get back. Try to stick it out with him, tell him how you feel, and on your days off, try to do something relaxing. Justin always wanted to go out and party and hit the night life.... i just wanted to hang out, relax, drink a few beers, watch the game, maybe catch a good movie. The little things go a long way, but most of all, communicate with him how you feel, otherwise you will keep it in too long, and grow farther away, and there is a good chance you will not come back from that.

Good luck, and you guys are in my prayers.

JIMROC says ...

I have been in Law Enforcement for 35 years.  I have been married to the same person for 35 years.  We have discussed this on many occasions.  She knew what she was up against before we got married.  Any lady married to a cop has to be very understanding, patient, caring and willing to live with out him for periods of time, just like the military.

There have been times when I got a homicide case, where I didn't even come home for three to four days at a time, that's just the way it is. It takes a very understanding and loving wife to put up with the occupation if police work.  If you are not willing to sacrafice this kind of relationship, it will never work out.  Law Enforcement and Firefighters have one of the highest divorce rates of any other occupation. There will also be times when he will come home and not want to talk or even cuddle.  I tried to never bring my work home, but sometimes you have to vent.  It is a very stressful job.  Some police officers will only want to talk to other officers about their problems, that's just because they understand and relate to the situation, where a wife might not understand at all.  Do not take that personal, it's just the way it is.

Everyone handles their problems and relationships differently.  I just happen to be one of the lucky ones, I think, or maybe she really didn't care, just kidding.  It's best to talk it over before you get married, or even serious.  I can pretty much assure you that it will be just the way I explained it.  It will also depend on the department, if it's a large or small one.  That can change things a little, but the work will be the same.

Hope this helps.  I am not a marriage counselor, just talking from my experience.  It can be done, but you have to be very understanding.

I agree with you. My ex's biggest complaint was that i never wanted to talk about my problems with him...i have always felt more comfortable talking to other officers. They understand me better, and understand what i am going through, or what im talking about. Our minds are on the same level...so yes this is where the poor communcation, and jealousy came into play. Kudos to you JIMROC for being married that long, youre in my prayers bud. Stay safe.

 I'm dating someone in LE and in two years will become his wife. He is a police cadet and I already am getting a taste of what it is like to not have him there at night and finally get to see him about 6 a.m. when he comes home. I'm already scared to death that the LT. for this crew is going to call me one night saying something has happened while he is out riding. He has already been in an accident in a patrol car just last month and it hurt his back. Last night we were talking about him getting shot and killed so when he left tonight to go ride I hugged him, kissed him and mostly told him I loved him and couldn't wait for him to wake me up in the morning (if I even sleep). Just hang in there and remember you have people to support you and understand. If you both love each other it will work out just don't give up. Everything will be okay. And this is coming from a 15 year old(almost 16). I've lost one officer already which makes it hard to believe when he says he'll be okay. But you just have to hang in there and pray. God will keep him safe and also you. I'm praying for you. DON'T GIVE UP!! ♥