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The officer pulls you over, and he says, "Do you know why I stopped you?"



And you [don't] say:



1. "Hmm ... Because you can?"



2. "The aroma of a donut wafted from my trunk?"



3. "Waffle House is closed for remodeling?"



4. "Uh, I don't know, but I bet you're gonna tell me!"



5. "Y'all haven't met your quota of ticket-writing yet?"



6. " You were just trying out your new, really cool siren?"



7. There were no murderers or other fun folks to mess with?"



8. " You luuuuuuv me! you want to daaaaaaate me!"



9. You want to see me do that really neat drunk-test?"



10. My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal.



11. Are You Andy or Barney?



12. Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?



13. I pay your salary!



14. Honestly officer, I didn't see that stop sign. My vision isn't what it used to be.



15. "Sir, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"<!-- google_ad_section_end --><!-- / message -->

And the ever famous

"Do you know who I am?"

"I know (insert name and status) so you can't ticket me"

"because your radar thing told you to", had that one last month.  First I explained that it's a laser gun and second, it doesn't speak.  I thought the girl was high.   But after asking a few questions, I figured out she was just a space cadet.  Gave her a warning.

 "Thay big fella, I justh LOVE a man in uniform"

Woman driver: "But officer, I don't want that ticket!"

Officer: "Neither do I. Thats why I am giving it to you!"

My all time favorite still is the guy all by hinself who when asked for his licence says "WHO ME"?

tstanfill63 says ...

"Is that a glock 40 cal, thats nothing compared to my 44 mag" as he reaches under the seat.

 

 

as you screw your pistol in his ear.

  

 

Here is a true incident which happened to me years ago not long after my mother passed away...

First, the background setup for this incident:

About a week earlier a 14 year old kid drew down on me when I confronted him and his friends for messing around with the elevator next to my store in the shopping center. I dove back through my store's door and went for my PPK in my desk drawer, but the kids had already took off and fled. It turns out that the kid's gun was a cap gun and that they all were kids of gang members from NY. They were arrested on other charges later that evening, but I couldn't readily identify him. A cop told me soon thereafter that it was a good thing that I couldn't readily identify him as most likely they would have had one of their friend shoot me later. Still, the cop asked me if I owned a gun. I said that I did. He gave me his card and told me for the next month to take my gun with me whereever I went even though I didn't have a concealed carry permit. He was extremely worried that the kid's gang family still might consider retaliating against me. So, I did as he said and here is what happened about a week later...

I and a good friend were in her car (registration still not transferred to me yet since everything was still in probate court) on a Friday night in Decatur, GA. We stopped at a convenience store and we both bought a can of soda pop. We leave and a few blocks away we are sitting under a bridge waiting to turn left to get onto the highway. While waiting on the light, each of us opened our soda cans and took a swig. Unbeknowngst to us, a Decatur cop was behind us and thought that we were tossing back some beer. He also noticed the California plates and expired tag since the vehicle ownership was still in probate. So, of course, he pulls us over for the expired tag and because he thought that we might be drinking alcohol.

I explain the situation with the car and that I had both a certified copy of my mother's will along with the probate court papers. He asked to see this info which was in my briefcase in the back seet. At this point I informed him that I had my pistol in the briefcase, but at the same time his walkie-talkie makes a bunch of noise. The officer replied "okay" so I opened my briefcase and paused, allowing the officer to clearly see the pistol. Needless to say, when the officer said "okay," I thought that he was acknowledging that I had a pistol in my briefcase. It turns out that he was replying to the garbled static on his walkie-talkie thing. The next thing I hear is a snap and then I am staring down the barrel of his service pistol. It was like the begining of one of those James Bond movies where you are looking down the barrel and can clearly see the bullet's full metal jacket. That is exactly what I saw with my left eye!

The officer gave me specific instructions to slowly and carefully grasp the pistol by the end of its barrel and to place it on the dash in front of me. Needless to say, I did this very slowly and carefully! He takes the gun (no clip in it) and verifies that it is empty. He then asks me why I didn't tell him about the gun. I replied that I did and that I thought that he was listening to me rather than to his radio, and that when he said "okay" that I thought that he was acknowledging the fact that I had a pistol in my briefcase since he told me to open my briefcase and show my the paperwork. I then told him about the incident the week before and gave him the sheriff deputy's card. He then ran my gun just to make sure that it wasn't stolen.

Finally, he apologized for the confusion and having drawn down like that on me. He added, "I like guns, collect guns, and I am a fan of the NRA, but I just don't feel like getting shot tonight." I then replied, "Well, for that matter, I guess not on any other night either." That started him just dying laughing, which made me start dying laughing too. That definitely was one of the more exciting Friday nights which I have ever had.

I'll admit, I've been cheeky to a cop before but I've never crossed the line. I just said because I was speeding and you had nothing better to do. That's the worse one. I was in a very bad mood already and I was in a worse one when I got pulled over. I apologized to the police officer after he gave me the ticket... He said that I was still getting a ticket though and I just smiled and said I understand.. I would have given me a ticket too, even though my driving record is very good.

Officer: Licence and Regerstration...

Driver: Sure, lemme get my gun first...

I think I saw that on cops one time.. not sure though.

What happened to me years ago, after a high speed chase.  Officer: may I see you drivers liscense and registration, Driver, you cannot charge me with DUI I have been smoking pot.  Upon a search of the vehicle a roach was located in ash tray.

I can honestly say in the 2 years I have been running traffic I have not been given a single smart remark.  By what I say goes like this:

I'm Cpl. Raabe with the Columbus Police Department.  You were stopped for doing 45 mph in a 35 mph zone.  Was there any reason for your violation?

I do this for two very good reasons.  1. If there is an emergency it can be brought up right away.  2. 95% of the time people give me an excuse, such as being late or not paying attention.  I have never lost these cases!  It is basically a taped confession.  I had a lady try to fight a stop sign ticket which she dropped pretty quick when she was told I had her recorded saying she ran it because she was talking to her passenger.

I think the reason no one has come back at me with some silly one liner is because most people expect to hear "Do you know why I pulled you over?" and when you basically ask them "Why did you break the law?" it throws them off.

I was trained to never say "do you know why I pulled you over?".  I always say "I stopped you becuase...."

TXPD says ...

I can honestly say in the 2 years I have been running traffic I have not been given a single smart remark.  By what I say goes like this:

I'm Cpl. Raabe with the Columbus Police Department.  You were stopped for doing 45 mph in a 35 mph zone.  Was there any reason for your violation?

I do this for two very good reasons.  1. If there is an emergency it can be brought up right away.  2. 95% of the time people give me an excuse, such as being late or not paying attention.  I have never lost these cases!  It is basically a taped confession.  I had a lady try to fight a stop sign ticket which she dropped pretty quick when she was told I had her recorded saying she ran it because she was talking to her passenger.

I think the reason no one has come back at me with some silly one liner is because most people expect to hear "Do you know why I pulled you over?" and when you basically ask them "Why did you break the law?" it throws them off.

Pretty good, I get them all the time. I tell them why they were stopped, but not the "why violation" question. I get everything from, "Don't you have anything better to do than this?", to the, "I wasn't speeding.", to "what stop dign". There is still always an excuse. I had one once that went down like this....

"Ma'am I stopped you for running the stop sign back at 206.:

"I slowed down."

"Ma'am that would be fine if it was a 'slow down' sign, but it is a stop sign."

       I went back and wrote the ticket...upon my return....

"I can't believe at 2 am you have nothing better to do than this. Shouldn't you be looking for real criminals?"

      It had been a bad night...

"Ma'am, the dictionary defines a criminal as someone who knowingly violates the law. You knew the stop sign was there?

"Yes."

"And you failed to stop because it's 2 am and no one was coming?"

"Yes."

"Then, ma'am, I'm doing exactly what you think I should be doing since by definition you are a real criminal. Sign here please."

That cost me a complaint, but it was worth it.

Of course, I am also guilty of the smart ass answer. Once, on a trip to CO I was pulled over about 20 miles west of the CO / KS line, west bound. It had been a long day, 4 of us in the car to visit family there and go skiing, and we had been on the road about 10 hours. NOTE, we were in a 1990 Olds 98 with close to 200,000 miles and we were loaded down.

The trooper walked up and asked, "Sir, do you know why I stopped you?" My answer,

"Well, I was being passed by other cars so I know I wasn't speeding. And since my license plate is up to date I can only assume its because I have Oklahoma tags."

Yeah, it pissed him off but I didn't care. I was being passed by everything on the highway and I was doing 70 so I thought, in my tired brain, it was a logical conclusion. Then he asked if I had a gun in the car. When I said yes his eyes almost fell out of his head. I then identified myself. We talked a few minutes than had a nice laugh over the out of state tag coment. e said he had never heard that one. I don't really recommend trying that though.

COPinNC says ...

Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?

Driver: Apparently not fast enough.

 

I'm guilty as charged of saying that one. But the God's honest truth was the person in front of me was the offender and as the deputy walked into the roadway, the driver swerved a double yellow line and the officer pointed at me instead to pull over. When he asked the question it came out before I could retract the statement...

Deputy: "You know how fast you were going?"

Me: "Apparently not fast enough or I woulda had you on my windshield for walking out into the roadway like that!!"