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Posted over 7 years ago

 

Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?

New Recruit: Call for backup!

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.

"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"

"11" he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."

"What two days of the weekstart with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.

"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

http://www.ahajokes.com/police_jokes.html

Click there for more..

In_remembrance_of_oakland_pd_max160_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

A police officer pulls over a lawyer who runs a stop sign in a residential neighborhood. The lawyer rationalizes to the officer, "but I slowed down". The officer let him off with a warning (God only know why) admonishing him to be sure and stop the next time.

The next day the same officer sees the same car run the same stop sign. The officer approaches the car and sees the same lawyer at the wheel. Once again the lawyer whines; "but Officer, I slowed down!"

The officer reaches in through the lawyer's window and drags him half out of the car pushing him across the roof of the little sports car. As the officer begins to mercilessly pummel the lawyer about the head and upper body he begins to beg the officer; "Stop! Stop!"

The officer continues to beat the man and replies; "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

I like that one, lol..

Markflag_-_jpg_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? LIPSTICK.

Why don't sharks eat lawyers? PROFESSIONAL COURTESY!

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and an honest lawyer...stop me if you've heard this one...right, none of them exist. Good for you. ; )

Markflag_-_jpg_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

...btw, my sister is a lawyer, if anyone's offended. She used to be a prosecutor...she's dead to me now... : (

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

Here is a nice Blonde Joke. Don't know if anyone has heard it...

A blonde is speeding when she is pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop walks up to the driver's side and asks for a DL. The driver responds, "What does it look like?". The cop says, "It's about this big, and has a picture of yourself on it. Something clicked in the blonde's head, and she reached for compact, looked into it, and sure enough there her face was. Convinced this is what the officer was looking for, she handed it over.

The Blonde cop took a sigh, and then peered into the compact. Shortly, she reached it back to the driver, saying, "You can go, I didn't know you were a cop too!"

K9_barry_8_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

how many cops does it take to push a guy down a flight of stairs?

None- he fell


I'm just here and do what I'm told..
Godspeed to all LEO's and EMT's

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

lol

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

A California State Police Officer is pulling a man over for 551/2 in a 55.
With lights and sirens lit he approaches the car at 55MPH.
The man speeds up to 65, the trooper follows suite.
The man speeds up to 75. Again, trooper follows.
The man speeds up to 85. Again, the trooper follows.
Finally the man realizes he's not going to outrun the trooper in his civic hybrid so he pulls over.
When the trooper approaches the man he asks, "Why didn't you pull over immediately?"
Whereas the man replies, "Because my wife left me for a State Trooper yesterday and I thought you were trying to bring her back."

Officer pulls over a man for speeding.
The man asks the officer why he's been pulled over.
Officer replies, "because you we're going 45 in a 35, Man replies, "I wasn't doing 45".
The mans wife is in the passanger seat an replies, "no, you were going 55." The man quitety tells his wife to hush.
Officer informs him that he's also going to give the man a ticket for a busted tail light
Man replies, "tail light, I didn't know my tail light was out?" The wife replies, "don't lie, you've been talking about fixing that light for weeks"
This time her husband aggressively tells her to shut up.
The officer tells him that he's also getting a ticket for not wearing a seatbelt.
The man replies, "I took my seatbelt off to get my licence and registration" His wife comments, "why are you lying, you never wear your seatbelt."
This time he screams would you SHUT UP WOMAN!!!!!
The officer bends down throught the window and says to the wife, "ma'am, does he always talk to you like that?"
She replies, "Oh no officer, only when he's DRUNK"

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

Nice!

Th_ninja_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

Police Chief:As a recruit you'll be faced w/ difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup.


The only way fo evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

Kelsey, that is the first one on the list. The wife jokes are funny.

Th_ninja_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

so why are you being so mean lol all jokes are funny it's just the way you look at them.


The only way fo evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

Th_ninja_1__max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

My bad i didn't see that post


The only way fo evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

An officer in Kentucky pulls a vehicle over for speeding, it is occupied x2. As the officer approaches, the driver immediately begins running his mouth, why are you harassing me? This is bull#$%*! The officer never breaks stride, grabs the offender by the shirt and hauls him out of the semi open window, and begins 'splainin things to him. When he is finished, he immediately walks to the passenger side and grabs the passenger and 'splains things to him as well. "Officer," begs the passenger,"what was that for, I didn't say anything to you!!" The officer calmly replies. I just didn't want you getting 5 miles down the road and look at your buddy and say " I wish he had tried that shit on me!"


Someday, someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

Usmcdevildog_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

To all my Highway brothers don't get offended. This one could apply to all of us actually:

A man is running late for work one day and is speeding when he tops a hill. Sitting at the bottom running radar is a Highway patrolman. The patrolman pulls over the man and approaches the car.
Sir, why are you going so fast" he asks?
well officer, I'm extremely late for work
what do you do for a living that is so important that you spee
i'm a rectum stretcher
what the heck is a rectum stretcher?
well, I start with a normal sized rectum, then I begin stretching it, 1 inch, 2 inch, 1 foot, 2 foot, all the way till it's stretched to at least six foot, maybe more.
What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole, asks the officer?
Well, usually the highway patrol gives them a radar gun and puts them at the bottom of a hill. By the way, have we met?


"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men and liked it never really care for anything else thereafter. You will meet them doing various other things with resolve, but their interest rarely holds because after the other thing ordinary life is as flat as the taste of wine after the taste buds have been burned off your tongue." Ernest Hemingway

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

There was this man who drove an old, beat-up car, and was late for work every morning. He would push his old beater to it's limit of about 70mph to try and get to work on time. Every morning, the same motorcycle cop would come out from behind the same sign, pull him over, and give him a speeding ticket. After a while, the two of them became good friends, but every morning the officer would still give the guy a ticket. The guy decided to play a joke on his cop friend, and had a souped-up engine installed in his car. One morning, he was driving to work as usual, and when the cop pulled out behind him, instead of stopping, he floored it. Once the cop was out of sight, he turned around to go back and tell his buddy what he'd done, have a good laugh, get his ticket, and be on his way. After a couple of miles, he saw the destroyed motorcycle lying in the ditch. A few hundred feet further, there was his cop friend lying on the other side of the road. He ran over to him and said, "Are you alright? What happened?" The cop replied, "Well, when you took off like that, I thought my bike had stopped and got off to see what was wrong with it."