The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.

"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"

"11" he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."

"What two days of the weekstart with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.

"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

A police officer pulls over a lawyer who runs a stop sign in a residential neighborhood. The lawyer rationalizes to the officer, "but I slowed down". The officer let him off with a warning (God only know why) admonishing him to be sure and stop the next time.

The next day the same officer sees the same car run the same stop sign. The officer approaches the car and sees the same lawyer at the wheel. Once again the lawyer whines; "but Officer, I slowed down!"

The officer reaches in through the lawyer's window and drags him half out of the car pushing him across the roof of the little sports car. As the officer begins to mercilessly pummel the lawyer about the head and upper body he begins to beg the officer; "Stop! Stop!"

The officer continues to beat the man and replies; "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? LIPSTICK.

Why don't sharks eat lawyers? PROFESSIONAL COURTESY!

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and an honest lawyer...stop me if you've heard this one...right, none of them exist. Good for you. ; )

Here is a nice Blonde Joke. Don't know if anyone has heard it...

A blonde is speeding when she is pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop walks up to the driver's side and asks for a DL. The driver responds, "What does it look like?". The cop says, "It's about this big, and has a picture of yourself on it. Something clicked in the blonde's head, and she reached for compact, looked into it, and sure enough there her face was. Convinced this is what the officer was looking for, she handed it over.

The Blonde cop took a sigh, and then peered into the compact. Shortly, she reached it back to the driver, saying, "You can go, I didn't know you were a cop too!"

lol

Nice!

Kelsey, that is the first one on the list. The wife jokes are funny.

My bad i didn't see that post

To all my Highway brothers don't get offended. This one could apply to all of us actually:

A man is running late for work one day and is speeding when he tops a hill. Sitting at the bottom running radar is a Highway patrolman. The patrolman pulls over the man and approaches the car.
Sir, why are you going so fast" he asks?
well officer, I'm extremely late for work
what do you do for a living that is so important that you spee
i'm a rectum stretcher
what the heck is a rectum stretcher?
well, I start with a normal sized rectum, then I begin stretching it, 1 inch, 2 inch, 1 foot, 2 foot, all the way till it's stretched to at least six foot, maybe more.
What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole, asks the officer?
Well, usually the highway patrol gives them a radar gun and puts them at the bottom of a hill. By the way, have we met?