Law Enforcement Specialties >> Communications Center >> how to balance loyalty to officers and the moral dilema of a cheating officer

Rate

how to balance loyalty to officers and the moral dilema of a cheating officer

676 Views
21 Replies Flag as inappropriate
Blue_hills_max50

62 posts

back to top

Posted almost 7 years ago

 

While the dipatcher is probably of utmost imporatnce, vital obviously in the communications that save people and officers , Loyalty to those those officers can be emotional. One in the same how should you handle the knowledge that an officer is cheating, "on duty", or how do you explain, reconcile that he is cheating, especially when a wife calls? What is the protocal? Are ther standards set by each Dep. or is it even discussed?

Hobbs_kc3_max50

130 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

Good topic! In my opinion one has to seperate the responsibility of dispatcher from that of any "personal" issue. If I see your problem...you're stuck between your own morales and the actions of the officer. Maybe a frank personal discussion with the officer would be in order. A cheating spouse, no matter what walk of life, can cause problems not only at home but work as well. The offending person, when confronted by yourself, will have to make a decision and understand that the problem goes beyond his personal life!

Blue_hills_max50

62 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

WHILE THIS IS A LEGIT QUESTION, POSED TO DISPATCHERS, THERE IS A MOTIVE. LET ME SAY FIRST THAT I AM NOT BITTER OR ANGRY OR ANY OF THE ABOVE, I AM OLDER AND WISER NOW. dISPATCHERS COULD BENEFIT BY EXAMINING THESE THINGS....CASE, MY HUSBAND (EX NOW) HAD A FLING WITH A GROOPIE, SHE WAS MARRIED. THE DISPATCHERS KNEW AND COVERED FOR HIM WHEN NECCESARY. (TORN I AM SURE) AS THEY LIKED ME AND WE WERE 'FRIENDS'. EVENTUALLY THE HUSBAND OF THE GROUPIE CAUGHT ON, FILED COMPLAINTS AGAINST MY HUSBAND, RIGHTFULLY SO. STILL NO ONE SAID AYTHING UNTIL I READ MY LIFE STORY ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE LOCAL PAPER. HARD FOR A YOUNG WIFE TO DIGEST.
POINT...THE HUSBAND DECIDED TO PURSUE HIS WIFE AND WIN HER BACK, BUT SHE HAD MOVED AWAY TO AVOID THE GOOD OLE BOY SMALL TOWN DRAMA.....HE (THE HUSBAND) TOOK A TRIP IN ORDER TO WIN HER BACK I GUESS, BUT THE COMPLAINTS AND FEARS WERE ALREADY SET IN MOTION AND UNRETRACTABLE.
I PLEAD WITH THE YOUNG MAN ABOUT THE CHARGES, NOT TO COVER MY HUSBAND BUT TO SPARE HIM THE AGONY, THE PRESS TURNED THAT INTO A SPIN UNIMAGINABLE........ON HIS WAY TO THE OTHER TOWN TO FIND HIS WIFE, HE MYSTERIOUSLY DIED IN AN AUTO ACCIDENT. THE EVIDENCE WAS QUESTIONABLE AND ALLIGATIONS ABOUT MY HUSBAND (KILLING HIM) WERE UNFOUNDED. WE SPENT YEARS DEFENDING, REASSURING, FIGHTING AND MOURNING FOR THE FAMILY THAT LOST THEIR SON, ALL OF THIS IN THE LOCAL NEWS. LIVES WERE LOST AND RUINED. REPUTATIONS TARNISHED AND UNFOUNDED OR NOT, THE QUESTION STILL LINGERS....IN A SMALL TOWN. a COINCIDENCE? i WONDER, IF THE TRUTH WAS TOLD, IF ONLY IN THE NAME OF RESPECT FOR THE OFFICER AND THE FAMILY....COULD THE OUTCOME HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT.
IT IS SUCH A TOUGH CALL, BUT ONE I KNOW DISPATCHERS MUST STRUGGLE WITH, PROTECTING THE OFFICER, WHEN IT COMES TO THE LAW....THE DUTY, THE JOB. OR PROTECTING, RATHER JEOPORDIZING COUNTLESS PEOPLE BY NOT FINDING A GOOD WAY TO HOLD OTHERS ACCOUTABLE.
i HONESLTY DO NOT HARBOR RESENTMENT, ANGER OR BITTERNESS, WE DO WHAT WE CAN WITH WHAT WE KNOW. WHEN WE HAVE THIS SCENARIO OF KNOWLEDGE....IT'S WORTH SHARING.

Tink_max50

209 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

For what its worth, you don't sound bitter to me....

Policeofficers_normal_max600_max50

95 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

My stance would be, not to send insensitive, but it is not anyone's place to inform anyone's significant other of any information. This never ends well. I assume that's why your "friends" that knew didn't tell you.
Your situation sounds very unfortunate, but I don't see how any drama could have been avoided once two consenting already married adults decided to have "a fling"
It is difficult to look at a cheating officer and determine if his integrity on the job is tarnished by his lack of integrity off it.

Joefriday_max50

157 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

I disagree. Why would this officer put you, his coeagues or another dispatcher in a position to have to lie for him. One I respect my wife too much to do that to her. Two if he will lie to the woman he stood before god and promised to love and hold before all others he will lie on anyone else too. Three you know the answer to this question, it troubles and bothers you enough to ask, the right thing is to not lie for him ( or anyone else) and if the wife calls tell her. You were on the other end of this situation and it might not have been the easy thing to do but it was the right thing to do to let her know waht is going on.
We have an officer that cheated on his wife and eventually left her, he left her with the kids and a strain of herpes he passed on to her from the girl he was cheating with.

-428 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

I leave, this one alone...If it doesn't involved you then leave it alone....All you are going to do is add more drama to the problem, if he wants to cheat then let him cheat...It's only going to be on him..

Handcufs-sexy_max50

1022 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

I have a rule that all my officers are very aware of on this matter. "Your business is your business; however, do not expect me or to lie for you or create a cover story for you if your spouse calls." I would never approach any spouses with information but if asked I will not lie for an officer and sacrifice my own intergrity and morals.


"A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

0 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

Tough question never a good answer I WOULD JUST PLEAD THE 5TH

Photo_user_blank_big

13 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

It is none of your beeswax! Stay out of it if you can. Maybe inform your buddy that their wife or husband is asking questions and they need to keep their personal life out of their professional life. If it gets to be too much (aft you have warned your buddy) then next step is to be honest w/the wife or husband. ONLY if they ask you! Don't lie just don't offer any free info.

Joefriday_max50

157 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

eliyah said:

It is none of your beeswax! Stay out of it if you can. Maybe inform your buddy that their wife or husband is asking questions and they need to keep their personal life out of their professional life. If it gets to be too much (aft you have warned your buddy) then next step is to be honest w/the wife or husband. ONLY if they ask you! Don't lie just don't offer any free info.

If this guy is cheating and using the job as cover it IS your beeswax. Wait till a divorce proceeding and she decides that the night in question you covered for him and she called in and FOIA's the call in if it is recorded and you say "he is working X detail" I wouldn't want to sit on the stand and explain that. "it's Ok to lie to the wife of this cop because it made me uncomfortable", But your honor I am telling the truth now.
We are not hired trained and paid to be comfortable we are selected to do what is right not what is easy.I know it is very easy to just say it is not my buisness but it Is your buisness don't let them drag the badge down.

Trex_comp_max50

1365 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

If my job is being affected by a coworker's infidelity, I will not lie. I also will also not speak of things I do not know of. If the significant other asks if they are here, and if they are not, I will say "no they are not" and let them figure out where they are. But i'm not going to be like "nah, he/she's out banging so and so, didn't you know?" LMAO, no way. Not getting caught up in that.


"Indecision may or may not be my problem." ~ Jimmy Buffett

Joefriday_max50

157 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

I agree Trex, you don't have to lay it out but you most certainly don't lie for them if they are using the job as a cover

911clr_max50

150 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

We don't handle officers personal phone calls, so I can say I wouldn't be in this situation at all. But I guess I need an example of how you could get involved? If his wife or her husband calls you tell them you'll have him or her give them a call. I just dont see how this could be a problem unless you get "involved" beyond taking the call.


Someone once told me that time is a predator that stalks us all our lives. But maybe time is also a companion who goes with us on our journey, and reminds us to cherish the moments of our lives because they will never come again.

Large_security_enforcement_officer_badge_max50

2570 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

Of course this is going to be an issue, especially if your morals are not on the same level as the offending officer. That is where your professionalism has to take over. The professional thing to do would be to tell the officer that he needs to be aware of his wife's calls, and also inform him that he needs to knock it off or there may be consequences. I'm sure most senior officers wouldn't appreciate their guys or gals 'sleeping around' on the job when they're supposed to be on a detail or whatever. Our department doesn't ever disclose the location or duties of an officer to anyone other than another officer or a supervisor. Thats for safety and privacy, and takes care of those other issues as well. An officer who wants to cheat on the job is an idiot. An officer who wants to cheat on the job and let all his coworkers know about it too is just remedial. Its also extremely inconsiderate to put coworkers in a situation that nobody should have to be in. So, do you tell? Not the significant other. Talk to the officer or slip a note to the supervisor or even chief if he doesn't get the hint. Its not your place to speed along the downfall of a relationship. He will do that on his own, and hopefully on his own time and not the departments. But it IS your work environment, and you have a right to show up every day and not have to think about some bull like that.


In God we trust...all others we run through NCIC

Copcat2__488_x_356__max50

185 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

I'm sure "stuff" goes on in every department but we are all human. I guess I'm too old to be shocked by any of it. I also don't judge people. I show up to do a job. I am a dispatcher. What the men and women do on their own time is not my business. We are way too busy most nights to have people messing around, but I know where there's a will there's a way so I guess it happens. But again, they are adults and must make their own choices, just don't expect me to be part of any coverup. I'm not a good liar. And so far, I haven't ever been put in that position.

Photo_user_banned_big

247 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

jabro77 said:

I have a rule that all my officers are very aware of on this matter. "Your business is your business; however, do not expect me or to lie for you or create a cover story for you id your spouse calls." I would never approach any spouses with information but if asked I will not lie for an officer and sacrifice my own intergrity and morals.

I would have to totally agree with this.....I will not cover for anyone just because they want to mess around....I will not compromise my integrity for anyone or any reason.....If I did then I would be agreeing with the actions of a liar. Patty I am sorry you had to endure such an unfortunate situation.

Clarke_photo_max50

193 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

Don't ask and I won't tell. Ask me and I am not going to lie.

100_1981_3__max50

1960 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

I have known and worked with officers in the past that were unfaithful to their spouse. The way I look at it...what an officer does on HIS/HER OWN TIME (OFF DUTY) is their business, UNLESS it affects my job or my dept! What an officer does on duty on my shift is MY BUSINESS!!! If an officer is getting their rocks off, ON THE CLOCK, while I am out on the street I will follow my chain of command and report the officer. If you want to cheat, do it on your own time!!! I will not lie for a cheating officer, but I will not volunteer the information either.


"It would be better for one to have a stone tied around their neck and thrown into the sea, than to cause a child to stumble."

"Well-behaved women rarely make history"

Mmp_race_04

2948 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

Fairly simple, I think. The cheater has to cover his/her tracks and not expect anyone to be complicitor, other than the 'other' person, that is. That said, if the spouse or significant other calls and the cheater has taken the night off to be with someone else it's easy enough to say, "he's not working tonight". Any questions after that are referred to the officer's supervisor or watch commander. Dispatch should not be involved, period. They have way too much to worry about without having to worry about being involved in an affair that someone else is having. Covering for someone else only serves to exacerbate the situation. I commanded a fairly large communications center with 41 employees for police dispatch. We did not get involved, even though we had those who wanted us to 'cover' for them.

Blue_hills_max50

62 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

alexy said:


eliyah said:


It is none of your beeswax! Stay out of it if you can. Maybe inform your buddy that their wife or husband is asking questions and they need to keep their personal life out of their professional life. If it gets to be too much (aft you have warned your buddy) then next step is to be honest w/the wife or husband. ONLY if they ask you! Don't lie just don't offer any free info.


If this guy is cheating and using the job as cover it IS your beeswax. Wait till a divorce proceeding and she decides that the night in question you covered for him and she called in and FOIA's the call in if it is recorded and you say "he is working X detail" I wouldn't want to sit on the stand and explain that. "it's Ok to lie to the wife of this cop because it made me uncomfortable", But your honor I am telling the truth now.
We are not hired trained and paid to be comfortable we are selected to do what is right not what is easy.I know it is very easy to just say it is not my buisness but it Is your buisness don't let them drag the badge down.


thx alexy........he used his co-workers, put them in a bad spot......and deaths eventually resulted. the dept. was shamed and the officers reputations , that were in that yucky position , are now in question.
The others are right too.......don't expect your buddies to lie for you when you break for 'lunch' lol..........My a**. :)
Thanks for the input. just wanted to know how dispatchers felt, they have enough emotion to handle from the GP,
and was curious how they responded to the other........