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LE and Marriage

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Mercersburg_max50

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Posted almost 6 years ago

 

I have a question that i guess can go round and round. Why is it so hard to say married in this profession? Is it the hours, the stress, the husband/wife always worried, the hours? Is it cheating what. It seems like all of what I listed plays some role in it, what are your thoughts??

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

I guess it depends on those married to each other. I think the average is 53% of all marriges fail.

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

I think its a blend of the overall culture towards marriage in America changing...people dont work on it as much as they used to, people dont go through proper courtship like they used to, and throw in the horrible schedule of law enforcement.....the tendancy for some cops to internalize aspects of the job, the fact that so many "chippies" and "bunnies" throw themselves at cops out of fetish purposes...etc etc

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

It comes down to how much you put into your marriage. If you find someone who loves you and understands the job we do and respects the fact that it's one of the most important, selfless jobs you can do, your relationship will last. Your partner needs to understand what being with you really means... long hours, shift work, working holidays, high stress. If they understand what they will have to endure being with you then you"ll probly make it. My wife has been by my side through my being a Marine, a Firefighter, and now a Police officer. She knew what she was getting into long before we got serious, it was not a supprise to her. We're very happy and I know she would do it all over again by my side. Hope this helps.


 


 

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

it definatly helps if you have a STRONG minded woman

Ericm60_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

it takes you haveing a good support network who you can unload on wether its your wife or inlaws or buddy. My wifes dad was a part time officer and fire chief. i found i burried my self in the job my first 15 years. it will only take once for you to realize the Brass can turn on you in a heartbeat to realize where your true family is. One critical incident can totally rock your world and show you how quick a career can be ended. any officer can be replaced in a second. a good wife and family cant. It is way better to have your wife and family behind you in a crisis i would not trade mine she stood by me during those rough times during the time we dated and through out our marriage 

Mercersburg_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

Who knows like I said it can go round and round. You try everything and guess if you are not with the right person it doesn't matter what you try it just doesn't work. Sad to say!! I have to agree Marriage is not looked upon the way it use to be and that is unfortunate. My grandparents were together over 65 years went through every kind of delema we can think of, but still stuck it out. My parents were together 45 years before my father died. But now days a marriage only lasts an average of maybe 15 years if you are lucky and if you even make it that long. No one takes it as serious or has it's meaning of being partners for life any more.

Hpim0201_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

Well I for one do believe marriage is forever,, I have been married for almost 30 years and prior to being a LEO my hubby was a marine.


Has it always been easy? Nope,, Did we have problems?, did we have to overcome alot of struggles? OMG if you only knew LOL!


Where there times we wanted to quit?? Yeah,, but was it worth it to work hard and stay together no matter what??? Yes Yes Yes,,


My husband is my best friend and I go through it all again..


 


 

Duke_max50

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Rated +1 | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

karate_granny says ...



Well I for one do believe marriage is forever,, I have been married for almost 30 years and prior to being a LEO my hubby was a marine.


Has it always been easy? Nope,, Did we have problems?, did we have to overcome alot of struggles? OMG if you only knew LOL!


Where there times we wanted to quit?? Yeah,, but was it worth it to work hard and stay together no matter what??? Yes Yes Yes,,


My husband is my best friend and I go through it all again..


 



My wife and I have been married for 23 years. Marriage takes work and anyone who doubts that is fooling themselves. The keys are simple, you must want it to work. You must learn to communicate. That is the most important factor, communication. If you don't talk to each other, if you don't tell each other what you are thinking, if you hold things inside and let them fester, you are set up to fail before you ever start; and I don't care what you do for a living.


Yes, it takes someone special to be married to a cop, or a firefighter, or a military member. But these jobs are not the primary reason marriages in these jobs fail. It is, as with the guy who works in an office cubicle, lack of communication. My wife and I talk about everything. I may leave out certain disgusting details but we talk. We must be doing something right because, like I said, 23 years.


If you can put some ice in a glass of bourbon I can drink it. If you can't I can still drink it.

Hpim0201_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

DoubleT213 I totally agree!!!!!!!

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

DoubleT213 says ...



karate_granny says ...



Well I for one do believe marriage is forever,, I have been married for almost 30 years and prior to being a LEO my hubby was a marine.


Has it always been easy? Nope,, Did we have problems?, did we have to overcome alot of struggles? OMG if you only knew LOL!


Where there times we wanted to quit?? Yeah,, but was it worth it to work hard and stay together no matter what??? Yes Yes Yes,,


My husband is my best friend and I go through it all again..


 



My wife and I have been married for 23 years. Marriage takes work and anyone who doubts that is fooling themselves. The keys are simple, you must want it to work. You must learn to communicate. That is the most important factor, communication. If you don't talk to each other, if you don't tell each other what you are thinking, if you hold things inside and let them fester, you are set up to fail before you ever start; and I don't care what you do for a living.


Yes, it takes someone special to be married to a cop, or a firefighter, or a military member. But these jobs are not the primary reason marriages in these jobs fail. It is, as with the guy who works in an office cubicle, lack of communication. My wife and I talk about everything. I may leave out certain disgusting details but we talk. We must be doing something right because, like I said, 23 years.



Well said, DoubleT! Congratulations on your 23 years of married bliss. You must be doing the right thing.

Nijaturtle_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

 


My wife and I have been a team and best friends for 30 yrs. Mostly it has been great, but due to some bad and selfish decisions I’ve made from time to time it has also been hard work. But one thing I have learned over the years and careers is that It is not the job that makes it hard to stay married. It’s the person you are on the inside. The job just gives most people an excuse to be or ignore that person. A quitter will quit, a liar will lie, a cheater will cheat, and a selfish person will be selfish every time the situation allows   Two many people see  other people  giving up when the going gets rough and that makes it ok for them to do it. If marriage is what you want then you must work at it with all your heart all the time with everything you have. And if you find that perfect man or women and you marry them then don’t give up Just because it gets hard some times. Do some people need to separate? “yes” But don’t use the exception as the rule. I can tell you from experience, the road is long and sometimes hard but it is worth every step to travel it with the one other person on the planet that is your true soul mate.

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

DoubleT213 says ...



karate_granny says ...



Well I for one do believe marriage is forever,, I have been married for almost 30 years and prior to being a LEO my hubby was a marine.


Has it always been easy? Nope,, Did we have problems?, did we have to overcome alot of struggles? OMG if you only knew LOL!


Where there times we wanted to quit?? Yeah,, but was it worth it to work hard and stay together no matter what??? Yes Yes Yes,,


My husband is my best friend and I go through it all again..


 



My wife and I have been married for 23 years. Marriage takes work and anyone who doubts that is fooling themselves. The keys are simple, you must want it to work. You must learn to communicate. That is the most important factor, communication. If you don't talk to each other, if you don't tell each other what you are thinking, if you hold things inside and let them fester, you are set up to fail before you ever start; and I don't care what you do for a living.


Yes, it takes someone special to be married to a cop, or a firefighter, or a military member. But these jobs are not the primary reason marriages in these jobs fail. It is, as with the guy who works in an office cubicle, lack of communication. My wife and I talk about everything. I may leave out certain disgusting details but we talk. We must be doing something right because, like I said, 23 years.



I am not married; however, I have to agree with DoubleT213 that communication is the key to any success we wish to achieve. Open conversations in marriages will defenantly maintain close relationships.

Img_3413_sq90_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

While I am not married, I have been able to observe marriages, and have to agree with those who said that while it may be hard for marriages with at least one of the parties being a LEO, it still boils down to how hard people are willing to work on their relationship. LE or not, too many people are just willing to say even before they marry, that if the marriage doesn't work out they can just get divorced. My parents will tell anyone who asks, that Marriage is hard work, but the work is worth it. I have to believe they know what they are talking about as they have been married 62 yrs (63 on Valentine's Day) and fall more and more in love everyday. Think I'll listen to their advice over someone who has been divorced sveral times.