I am so sorry for your loss, Marcia. Sometimes it must seem like the tears will never end.

We do eventually heal, but even after that day comes, there will be times when the "scar tissue" on that healed wound will ache. It is the cost we pay for loving someone.

Keep writing your poetry. There's no way around grief except to go THROUGH it, and forms of expression like that can be a help.

Marcia I am unsure where you live but is there a local Chapter of Concerns of Police Survivors in you area? They can give you support and understand what you are going through as they are going through it as well. Don't let anyone tell you when you "should be over it by now." Everyone grieves in their own way and no way is wrong. Use your support systems and remember we are all here for you.

I lost so much that day
Although most are not aware
The tearing pain that ripped my heart
As I saw you lying there.

The rage, the pain, the anger
The questions, and fear
The heartache, void and emptiness
All alone you left me here!!

In the quiet of the night
In the stillness of the dark
Is when you had no choice to leave this world
And make your final mark.

A mark, a brand, a gaping hole
Left deep, deep, down inside.
So many mixed emotions
Of which I try to hide.

No one knows what hides inside
Or the questions in my mind.
Won't ever know the answers; don't even know the time.

The phone call came
To tell me you were gone
The screaming of the sirens
Cut the silence of the dawn.

A part of me left with you,
The night that you died.
Leaving behind an empty shell
No chance to say good-bye.

I miss you more than you'll ever know
Your grin and laughter
And times of younger days.

Until we meet again my brother
I'll find you where you are....
The fresh blowing breeze, the clouds in the sky,
The brightest shining star.
We will meet again..baby brother..I promise,,

Marcia Altman Grandstaff

I am sorry for your loss, my prayers are with you. hang in there

marcia , i am so saddened by your /our loss . you have a greater family than you will ever know . from your writings you are a gifted poet , hang in there and know that Mike is always with you . stay prayerful , for only GOD has the answers that your heart is searching for . we are here for you always . you are in my prayers as you go through you wilderness journey ..... we love you !

Marcia,
Go to the Officer Down Memorial Page and read the reflections left for Mike. There are 14 pages. You will see there such an outpouring of love. I am a civilian in New Jersey who leaves a reflection for every officer. You will find that you do not grieve alone. The whole world prays for you and your family. When I read about Mikes death on the ODMP, I just cried. What a senseless death. And what a HERO Mike was that day. And the death of the sheriffs wife was equally tragic and senseless. I pray you find peace. Deputy Altman, Never Forgotten.

Marcia, love heals all wounds. You love your brother and you will heal. As ChaplainKeppy said, "We do eventually heal, but even after that day comes, there will be times when the 'scar tissue' on that healed wound will ache." I can relate having lost "brothers" in this job. There is healing where there is love, you are loved by a very large family. My prayers are with you and yours.