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60 THINGS TO NEVER SAY OR DO TO A CORRECTIONAL OFFICER

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Posted about 7 years ago

 

Sorry, couldn't help myself...had to make some adjustments:

60 THINGS TO NEVER SAY OR DO TO A CORRECTIONAL OFFICER

1. No touching me. Ever.

2. No telling me you’re a man just like me. You’re nothing like me.

3. In visiting, No pointing at me and tell your misbehaving child I’m gonna arrest him/her.

4. No asking if I remember you from another term. If I do, I don’t care.

5. No whiney little requests while I’m escorting you. No, you can’t have a drink, we’re not stopping to pick up your clothing, nor will I stop to secure your locker. You are going to a cell, not a full-service spa.

6. No crying to me when I empty a can of OC onto you. If you’ve gotten combative, I’m saving you a felony charge of battery.

7. No lying about it. If I see you do it, You won’t win.

8. No telling me what the law or rules are. I know. You don’t.

9. No puking, oozing, bleeding around me, and I won’t go look at your feces in the toilet. I don’t want to see it. If you feel sick, go see the nurse.

10. No spitting unless you want your head in a bag.

11. No craping in your pants while I’m cuffing or escorting you.

12. No ing in your pants while I’m cuffing or escorting you.

13. You walk at my pace, not yours.

14. No telling me you or your family know’s the mayor / sheriff / governor, president., etc.

15. No telling me you know the chief personally. So do I, and he expects me to do my job.

16. No telling me you know a cop named “Jim’ who works downtown, or a family member serves in Law Enforcement. I’m sure they’re very proud of you, and I don’t care.

17. No ing people off. I am not your personal protection service. Stop ing people off.

18. No babysitting. At no point in time did it ever become my job to raise your children, I have enough problems raising my wiener dog thank you very much.

19. No telling your kids I will take them to jail. With you as their parent, I’m sure they’ll make it here on their own.

20. No groupies. Well, wait a minute…

21. No coffee and donuts jokes. However, cappuccino and croissants are acceptable.

22. No asking if you can test positive for a drug by just being around it.

23. No whining about catching time from my write-up. You did that all by yourself.

24. No telling the person on the phone, “There’s a cop here and he’s going to shoot me.”

25. No telling the person on the phone that you are in “fear for your life”, this is hard time, or you’re being mistreated by the “cops”, etc. You’re lying, and your causing even more stress to your family.

26. No bitching

27. No crying.

28. No whining about my flashlight in your eyes

29. No arguing. Period.

30. If I’ve caught you doing something, don’t ask what I’m doing or why I’m doing it.

31. Don’t tell me about how you wanted to be an officer.

32. When I walk in the room, don’t say “I DIDN’T DO IT” cause you probably did at one time, or are doing it right now.

33. Don’t insult my intelligence with obvious lies or anything else. I wasn’t born yesterday.

34. No mistaking my kindness for weakness.

35. No begging for a break. Beg, and you get the whole can.

36. No threatening my family. Fatal error.

37. No threatening to tell my supervisor. He already knows I’m an asshole.

38. No asking for an extra grope when I search you.

39. No asking for me to scratch an itchy spot during same search.

40. No more asking me to secure your property when I remove you from GP. If you were concerned, you shouldn’t have done what you did.

41. No siren noises when you see me. I don’t drive a patrol car, I walk. You idiot.

42. No more saying you’re a lawyer. Even if you were, it wouldn’t matter. They don’t catch the smart ones.

43. No more saying you’ll have my job for this. (yawn).

44. No “swearing to God,” when you’re caught dirty.

45. No spelling my name wrong when you complain. Why do you think they make me wear a nametag, you friggin’ idiot!

46. No running. I will still catch you and when I do, I will express my dissatisfaction.

47. No telling me you like “cops”. So do I, and you’re not one.

48. No telling me you know I’m doing my job. So do I, and I know how to do it.

49. No telling me what my job is. I know what it is, and I know how to do it.

50. No telling me you’re just here for a DUI. If I check your file, I might find out what you’re really here for.

51. No telling me you’re not violent when you have a 273.5 spousal in your jacket, because it’s not violent when you “put your woman in check”.

52. If you see me running towards you, get out of my way. If you don’t, suffer the consequences.

53. If you p* me off, I’m going to win, so don’t.

54. Don’t tell me it’s “petty”. You’re petty for saying that.

55. No ignoring my commands when I’m giving you direction. You’re gonna lose.

56. No shouting out anything I don’t understand. I’m going to assume the worst. You’re gonna lose.

57. No telling me it’s my fault your life is ruined. You fucked it up all by yourself.

58. Go ahead and tell me you’ll 602 me (appeal,complain). I haven’t laughed yet today.

59. No telling me you’re never coming back. You will probably abscond the first weekend you’re out, and I’ll see you shortly.

60. No shaking my hand. Refer back to #1.

Draw_baton_sq90_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Being a Philadephia C.E.R.T. Correctional Officer i love this so much im going to share with my locker buddies

Photo_user_blank_big

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I am not a correctional officer, but this is good. My uncle started as a correctional officer and I will pass this on to him.

Avatar7636_1_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I have been dumped, and threatened as well, I am so miffed

All men can do is threaten to sue ? for what?


Friends always

MAKE YOUR OWN STAMPS/CARDS
check this out
www.zazzle.com/rimamaria*

Images_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Great list and so TRUE!

Photo_user_blank_big

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I am gonna do my best to get his all over as many prisons in Quebec as i can though i hop you don't mind if i translate it into french.

Tower_4_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

SOOOOOOOOO true! Loved it

Clarke_photo_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Sooooo very true, even in the Juvenile side. What I love is when a 16 year old, 6'2", 250 lb boy tells me to "Get it with your muscle", and he winds up on his ass. I just love the look on their faces when I do it (I'm 5'9" and 175).

Me_lynns2_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

That was absolutely exceptional!!!!

Me_lynns2_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

I can come up with a list of 60 things to do to a female officer that will get your county sued!!! anyone interested?

1z6tp9w_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

lol loved it thanks.................

Bluebarb_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

Great...I'm passing it along to all my fellow Correctional Officers that I work with also.......


Kyle313
Deputy Sheriff/Corrections Officer

Death_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

If it wasn't true, it wouldn't be half as funny!! LMAO!!

Car_max50

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Rate This | Posted almost 7 years ago

 

Awesome


J1604