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I need help with a domestic violence matter!!?

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My-niña_max50

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Posted over 7 years ago

 

my ex husband is threating me he says he will kill me if I go to our custody hearing tomorrow5-24-07.He has a very long history of domestic violence and I do fear for my life!The proper athourites have been notified but...THEY ARE NOT doing anything! anyone have ideas??I have notifed :police, ICE,news media,newspapers included,state rep here in Waukegan...even the minute men..anyone have any other suggestions?The system here is failing me!! I feel like I am on death row!!

Img_3413_sq90_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

I know it can seem like that but keep notifying the Police. If you haven't called the Police about the threat for tomorrow call them and tell them. If he has weapons make sure the Police know that. They won't be able to help you if he hurts or kills them. Take someone with you to the court and be aware of your surroundings and call 911 if you feel threatened in any way. Make sure you tell the court deputies, your attorney, judge etc of his threats. Unfortunately it takes a long time and the criminal justice system is set up in such a way that it will seem to the victim like they are forgotten and the abuser gets all the rights. Abusers are also good at being tricky. I have a feeling though that he also feels the system is failing him. That's why he doesn't want you to show up, it seems like he feels that he will lose custody, thus the threat. DO NOT however minimize the threat. Keep pressing charges. If you have an Order of Protection keep violating him. If you and the child(ren) have a safe place to go do that for awhile and as I said be aware of your surroundings. Don't let pride get in your way have neighbors, friends, etc keep an eye out and ask them to call 911 if they even suspect there may be a problem. Be safe and good luck!

Kirlian-fingerprints_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

Are you close to any family members or have a good friend that will go with you? Because if so by all means please take one of them with you to the hearing. You say that it’s a custody hearing right if you have an attorney I hope that you have called them and told them what has been said. I’m not an officer but I can tell you this have a cell phone with you be aware of your suroundings, tell the officers at the court whats going on ect, I’m sure someone is listening and I’m sure that someone can help you or do something for you, Do you happen to have any of this on tap? If so take that with you as evidence... Best of Luck to you stay safe....

Also try these links I know that there are shelters out there look in the phone book or look up shelters for domestic abuse victims they too can help. I’m also sure that they have 24 hour help lines… Just google it and see what you can come up with…. Mean while I hope this helps.

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/assist/nvaa2002/welcome.html

http://www.pavnet.org

http://www.ncvc.org/

http://thesafetyzone.org

http://endabuse.org/

http://www.mincava.umn.edu/


“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

9-11-logo_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

I'm not a cop, so I'd better leave tactics to people who are trained, but I do have some questions just to help us all grasp the situation.

How did he threaten you, by phone? Keep a little tape recorder by your phone, so you can record such things and be able to give proof. You can pick up a little recorder for around $25 at Radioshack.

Do you presently have any sort of protection order, or any sort of no-trespass order? If not, might want to consider it as another tool for law enforcement to use if he tries to contact you with threats again. If there's an order of protection and you have him on tape threatening you, that might be a "Go straight to jail" card.

Have you notified your own lawyer?

Does your courthouse have metal detectors, or security at the door? If so, the most vulnerable time is coming and going outside the courthouse. Can you ask for an escort? In my area, if you are going into a situation where you fear violence you can call and ask for an officer to be present on standby (usually this happens when a person is going back to the marital home to pick up some of their belongings, and is afraid of having contact with the abuser, situations like that). Some shelters will send an advocate to be with you and stand by with you.

Do you have an OVC in your area (Office for the Victims of Crime)? You could ask them if there is a way they can help, since you say he has a long history. Is he on probation, by any chance? A call to his probation officer might help, to say he is making threats.

Is there a particular DV Dept. that has handled cases involving your husband in the past? Ask them for advice, they would know his background and weigh his threats accordingly.

I hope someone else can give you good advice, and that things work out safely for you! God bless you, and good luck to you!

My-niña_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

i have had an order of protection on him which envolved a gun.....yes i have notified everyone but....nothing to come of it!i am counting down the hours..last night i went to sleep at 5:30am...i haven't eaten it is truely making me sick..he makes the treats on the phone..no i don't have text messeges or voice mail messeges no one was at home at the time! I HAVE NO PROOF! I'M DEAD!!

Photo_user_blank_big

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

I was in a similar situation although my daughter's father and I never married. Fear is what he wants from you. Take your life back! You will find that when you do your confidence will help you get through the tougher times. My ex always told me that he would kill me if I went to court to get child support for my disabled child. I did anyway because she deserves to have the best medical care possible and, no matter how little the contribution, it was worth the risk. Often times, when you stand up for yourself, he or she will back down. All I am saying is that you have to find that inner strngth that got you out of the relationship in the first place and use it to your advantage. The system has its faults, but the officers do care. Just remember that when you get frustrated and think that they don't then they are probably feeling the same way about the situation. I have worked in law enforcement previously and as a security officer and I know how frustrating it can be for everyone involved. Take care of yourself.

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

You may also consider contacting the courthouse in the morning and speaking with one of the bailiffs. Provide him with his description and vehicle information. Ask if someone could do a sweep of the parking lot prior to your arrival.

Kirlian-fingerprints_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

Forgotten,

If you have not already left to go to the hearing, stop bye the police department and tell them what’s going on, ask if someone can escort you to your hearing... Especially if you have a protective order on him. GOOD LUCK Stay safe....


“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

Bbqxena_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

forgotten - There is many more details to find out before someone can truly help your situation.........For One - "sorry" but get rid of the "victim" attitude.......be proud of yourself stand up get in your car and stay at the PD until someone helps you........that does a few things......proves that you are truly scared and need assistance and two......this would not be common and the police would believe you rather than just another call where the female says the other one is terrible, abusive, violent............while the male says blah, blah, blah.............

It's hard to explain and I don't mean any disrespect to you, but if you truly believe he is going to kill you.......Truly Believe.........then get off the computer and go camp out at the PD where they all carry firearms......

Oh - and if you notified all of the people you mentioned above and NONE of them helped you..........problem might be you..... can't see that many intenties not supporting a victimized female that has had her life threatened.....

Once again, sorry if it sounds down right cold..........but our job is to keep you safe and give you advice nobody else will.........goodluck.......

Photo_user_banned_big

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

I didn't read this until after 5:00 on 5/24/07. I hope you made it to court. I've done some research on domestic abuse and I think you have to understand what goes on in the mind of a batterer. One thing I've come to believe after researching the matter of domestic abuse is the batterer wants you to be scared. Abuse is always about power and control. Another thing is that abusers think there is something wrong with the victim. They don't think what they're doing is completely wrong because they think the victim is inadequate and needs to be fixed. They rationalize their own behavior with this belief. Your husband needs to be answered according to his own way of thinking which especially when it comes to the severity of using a weapon against you. You need to use the severity of using the law in the same degree. Ask your local police who handles domestic abuse at the station and ask to talk to him about what's going on. It's a misconception that the police don't do much all day. They get lots of calls with all kinds of problems. I don't believe it's easy for them to focus on one person no matter how bad your problem is. Try to get them to understand what your problem is when it's not in the heat of the moment. At present the Police are reactive to domestic abuse, although through the research I done they need to be less reactive. Also, through research I've found that the police haven't always viewed domestic abuse as abuse. Hopefully this is changing. If your in a serious situation at the moment, and an officer isn't giving you the response you think you need tell him you think it's more serious and you want to talk to a Supervisor. I 've never had a problem with an Officer refusing to do that. That may help. Keep with it. Also when your leaving for a court date you may want to call the police and remind them that a threats been made and that your on your way to court. Hope things get better for you.


In like manner the spirit also joins in with help for our weakness, for the problem of what we should pray for as we need to we do not know but the spirit itself pleads for us with groanings uttered.

No man serving as a soldier involves himself in the commercial businesses of life, in order that he may gain the approval of the one who enrolled him as a soldier. 5. Moreover, if anyone conten

David_iii_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

Keep calling and don't let him make you scared go to court and let the police know everything your husband needs help serious help

My-niña_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

Thank you everyone for all of the the support and advice! I did get escorted to court yesterday and I do have order of protection.I have 4 friends that are policeman here and they are all at my aid.They are wonderful angels in my eyes...I should say that my ex husband did not go to court yesterday...at least I did not see him..I have pressed charges for dv and threats.thanks once again!

Kirlian-fingerprints_max50

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Rate This | Posted over 7 years ago

 

Frogotten,

I’m really glad to hear that you got there safe and I’m also really glad to hear your okay, just keep your head up... Have a good weekend and always stay safe. ;)


“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

Avatar7636_1_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

WOMAN SHELTER an option SAFE HOUSES
911 if he is near
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE

THINKING OF MORE


Friends always

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9-11-logo_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I notice we have not heard from Forgotten since the end of May.

063_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I was going to try a PM

063_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I sent a PM asking her to either post or PM a response. Letting her know there were some that were wondering and hoping she was safe. If she replies to the PM, I will post it here.

Kirlian-fingerprints_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I heard from her about 3 weeks ago, I sent her a PM and she said she’s was doing okay and a few other things. But yes we need to see how she’s doing still... :)


“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

1979_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

One of the things I also noted was that she said she tried to get ICE and the Minutemen involved. Could this ex be illegal? Is the marriage even legal considering he was here illegally? Ah what a tangled web we weave huh? I hope she is free of him but lesson learned, if you associate with someone who is breaking the law, do not be surprised if it turns bad and he/she continues to dis-obey the laws of this country.

Kirlian-fingerprints_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Yes Robo her husband is was illegal, but if I recall right before the new law was passed you could marry someone and become legal...


“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

Lake_front_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

In my opinion : You can be controlled by FEAR ITSELF this is often a tactic of bully's, How do you get rid of the fear? put it to a practical application :
CHANGE YOUR NORMAL SCHEDULE including legally arming yourself (take the time to do the work and do it well take the classes obtain a permit thus giving you more confidence that you will be able to control the situation to some extent. (also doubtful he will bother you at these places) KEEP A CELL PHONE WITH YOU with 911 speed dial
Bully's seize the power due to making you fear them and are usually control freaks: when you gain confidence this relinquishes their hold on you.SELF DEFENSE again change of routine and improving your confidence, Keep your LOVED ONES CLOSE, Boys and Girls club instead of the yard , Notify neighbors of the problem and make a what to do "if " plan. TAKE BACK SOME CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. And PRAY, its amazing what the power of prayers can enable us to do.

1979_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I have a dear friend from the UK who IS legal and it cost both her and her company big bucks to allow her into the US waiting and getting her Visa. She still does not have a green card and is waiting in line for that to happen. She has been here three years. She also has an American fiance who is retired Military and they are waiting to get her Green Card at least before they marry as it will cost even more to get her to stay here legally if they get married! Sorry but that is just wrong. I keep telling her to go sailing with him and jump off the boat near Miami Beach and swim ashore and claim she is a Cuban. For some reason the USA does not want intelligent, healthy, skilled immigrants anymore. Sad.

Kirlian-fingerprints_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Robo,

I hear what you are saying I have a friend who’s mother was legal but her VISA expired in order for her to get it renewed she has to get her birth certificate. (It also has something to do with the 911 stuff) She’s been here for over 20 years never committed a crime, now she faces the fact of yea she can go home to Ireland and get it but she wont be able to get back in the U.S. and she has a family and job that she has to deal with here and will have to risk all of it.


“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
– Eleanor Roosevelt