Off Duty Forums >> Police Family Life >> Marrying a Cop

Rate

Marrying a Cop

1,067 Views
5 Replies Flag as inappropriate
Photo_user_blank_big

1 post

back to top

Posted over 6 years ago

 

Hello all,


I am very new to this site.....I've been reading through a lot of the discussion topics.  Very interesting things out there.


So, I'm getting ready to marry a police officer.  I'm sure there are lots of you who have some advice?  I find their "working" world to be scary, facinating and sad most of the time.  Sometimes my fiance comes over and tells me the worst stories, his day is full of drug abusers, drug dealers, prostitution, domestic issues between husbands/wives and boyfriends/girlfriends.  I see how some of this gets to him at times.  The day to day grind of that type of lifestyle seems like it can give you such a negative outlook on life.  Some of his stories are happy ending ones, but you know what I'm trying to say, I hope - their days are mostly filled up with people on the "other side" of the law....


I have 2 teenagers from my first marriage, he doesn't have any, so we aren't a very young couple starting out in life.  Thought that might be an interesting tidbit that would help when the advice giving starts.


I see mood swings, sometimes questioning me like I'm a suspect (ugh) , wanting every gritty detail when we have a disagreement, going over every point fifty times....do any of you experience that?


Someone once told me that due to the high stress level of the job, a lot of cops need make sure they have things to do, like a hobby or something, even just zoning out on the TV sometimes to "wind down"....?


Thank you, 

Sheepdog__2__max50

135 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

Congratulations to you both.  As a female officer who is married to a male officer from a different department I could probably give you tons of advice, but should probably keep it short and sweet.  Here's some Do's and Don't's that hubby and I BOTH try to remember.


1.  DO make sure you tell each other to have a safe day (good day, nice day, whatever) before leaving the house.  We're on different shifts so this gets if-y sometimes...or we call each other's cell to say "have a good shift...be careful"...and greet each other with a simple kiss or hug when you're back on "home base".  Sure its a little thing and it sounds corny, but heck it may be the ONLY nice gesture / thing he hears that day.


2. DONT sweat the small stuff.......ever.  If you've got something bugging you that's petty, DONT bring it up 5 minutes before he walks out the door for work...or the first 10 minutes after arriving home.  Huge mistake and bad timing.  A cop needs to get "geared up" physically and more importantly - mentally - before leaving the house.  A cop also needs about 20-30 minutes to "de-tox" after arriving home.  We've got Sgts. and Lts. who might bust our chops during the shift.....we dont wanna get it at home too.  


3.  DO find balance in your lives.  Balance between work and play.  Balance in the types of friends you have.  Balance in your interests.  This takes more concentration and work than you might think.  If ALL of your friends are cops, you need to bring in some other "types".  If ALL of your conversations are about cop-related-war-stories, you need to find other topics of interest.  Find a hobby or two that you BOTH enjoy.  Turn work "off" and have some fun.  If you dont....and you keep all of your eggs in one basket, one topic, one job, one type of friend, sooner or later someone is going to be left out and sorely disappointed. 


So much for short & sweet, huh?  Sorry for rambling, but these are 3  things that have worked for me!!  Just the fact that you've asked for some suggestions tells me that he's lucky to have a considerate, open-minded woman like you !!!!!   Take care,

Mvc-034s_max50

74 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

Congratulations to you both!


Tracie & Harm

Photo_user_blank_big

4 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

spelfrey says ...



Congratulations to you both.  As a female officer who is married to a male officer from a different department I could probably give you tons of advice, but should probably keep it short and sweet.  Here's some Do's and Don't's that hubby and I BOTH try to remember.


1.  DO make sure you tell each other to have a safe day (good day, nice day, whatever) before leaving the house.  We're on different shifts so this gets if-y sometimes...or we call each other's cell to say "have a good shift...be careful"...and greet each other with a simple kiss or hug when you're back on "home base".  Sure its a little thing and it sounds corny, but heck it may be the ONLY nice gesture / thing he hears that day.


2. DONT sweat the small stuff.......ever.  If you've got something bugging you that's petty, DONT bring it up 5 minutes before he walks out the door for work...or the first 10 minutes after arriving home.  Huge mistake and bad timing.  A cop needs to get "geared up" physically and more importantly - mentally - before leaving the house.  A cop also needs about 20-30 minutes to "de-tox" after arriving home.  We've got Sgts. and Lts. who might bust our chops during the shift.....we dont wanna get it at home too.  


3.  DO find balance in your lives.  Balance between work and play.  Balance in the types of friends you have.  Balance in your interests.  This takes more concentration and work than you might think.  If ALL of your friends are cops, you need to bring in some other "types".  If ALL of your conversations are about cop-related-war-stories, you need to find other topics of interest.  Find a hobby or two that you BOTH enjoy.  Turn work "off" and have some fun.  If you dont....and you keep all of your eggs in one basket, one topic, one job, one type of friend, sooner or later someone is going to be left out and sorely disappointed. 


So much for short & sweet, huh?  Sorry for rambling, but these are 3  things that have worked for me!!  Just the fact that you've asked for some suggestions tells me that he's lucky to have a considerate, open-minded woman like you !!!!!   Take care,



All I can say Is i have only been married 4 years to an officer but i do think you have hit the nail on the head. i dont think there is much more to add to your advice

Avatar_wild_max50

5501 posts

back to top
Rate

Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

Congrats...like spelfrey says, don't sweat the small stuff.


My wife (who isn't in LE) always hates it when I don't want to make a decision about something when I come home. For instance, a classic is, what do you want to eat. She usually has some sort of opinion and honestly, I don't care. I just spent my day, the least of all deciding if I should give that soccer mom and tag for speeding, to making life altering decisions for others. The last thing I want to do when I come home, is to fight about where to eat.


 


Heroes Live Forever!