Law Enforcement Specialties >> Corrections, Probation & Parole >> whats the funniest thing youve seen while at work?

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whats the funniest thing youve seen while at work?

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Posted over 6 years ago

 

at a previous facility i worked we had an inmate in the "hole" that used his feces as paint.it was around thanksgiving and he made a mural with a big meadow,mountains in the background and a huge turkey in the middle and at the top it said "happy thanksgiving" all made with his feces.we made him clean the mess up and take a shower.

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

mossyoakman said:

at a previous facility i worked we had an inmate in the "hole" that used his feces as paint.it was around thanksgiving and he made a mural with a big meadow,mountains in the background and a huge turkey in the middle and at the top it said "happy thanksgiving" all made with his feces.we made him clean the mess up and take a shower.

Thats very festive!!

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

Nothing funny inside these walls . Central prison, N.C.

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

theres always a lighter side threat

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

oh boy, where to begin?


 


i've seen guys taking baths in hand sinks,


guys shitting in the showers,


guys shitting their pants


but my favorite is officer related. during a pretty decent melee a few of us went down to break it up while a cowardly c/o locked himself in the office. in his report the c/o wrote that he was ordered to secure the office. the segeant looked at it, ripped it in half, threw it at him and told him to re-write it and make sure he puts in the part about hiding

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

The funniest thing I saw at the jail was a mini pool table made out of soap... with micro cues and balls.. with green coloring and black.. highly skilled craftsmanship... I let him keep it for a few days till we did a shakedown.. I figure it aint hurting nobody if he wants to do arts a crafts by himself..

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

Another officer arrived at the scene of a hit and run acident. The driver of one of the vehicles fled on foot.  My partner and I were checking the back yards of some of the homes in the area. We came up on a house with a stone wall about 4 feet high that was around the backside by the rear door.  We heard someone behind the wall and we arrested the driver at gun point.  We walked the perp up to the road and requested a car with a cage. While we were standing waiting for the transport car I got a whiff of crap.  I asked my partner if he passed gas. he said no.  The perp that stated that he crapped himself when he was confronted with two officers with weapons drawn.  We did not tell the driver of the transport vehicle and he was about ready to shoot us whenwe got back to the station house.  

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

We had a guy put his wedding band on his penis...and got it stuck!! Had to send him to the hospital and have it cut off (the ring that is). Although he was very close to losing it all. When I asked him why he did something so stupid, he said he got bored. Pretty stupid! Not to mention that he was actually able to get the ring on there.

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

VADOC_Trainer says ...



We had a guy put his wedding band on his penis...and got it stuck!! Had to send him to the hospital and have it cut off (the ring that is). Although he was very close to losing it all. When I asked him why he did something so stupid, he said he got bored. Pretty stupid! Not to mention that he was actually able to get the ring on there.



Either he had big hands or it was even more embarassing than normal.

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

I wasn't there when they happened, but I have heard the stories many times.


We had a trusty that had been sneaking out the back door and going to the gas station down the street an getting chew (not sure where he got the cash). One night a fellow officer was walking his dog and saw him. He called the on-duty officer and let him know. The on-duty officers then waited for the trusty to return. They caught him next to a row of pine trees on the jail property. When they asked him what he was doing the only thing he could come up with was "Picking up Pine Cones". The on-duty officer said "in the dark" and the trusty "Yep". The Officer asked him "where they at?" and the trusty asked,"what" and the officer said "the pine cones" and the trusty basically started to cry.


One of our Work Release Jailers went into the Inmate's restroom one night doing checks. He heard some noises coming from a stall and noticed a cord running from an outlet to the stall. He thened opened the stall door and saw an inmate sitting on the toilet with toilet paper on his lap and hiding "something" with his. He then heard muffeld moans coming from a trash can in the stall. He looked in the trash can and there was a portable DVD player playing some soft-core porn. The inmate didn't have the foggiest on how it got there. The report was the funniest part of the whole thing as this officer had a flare for report writing to say the least.

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

One day last week i was making my last round in one of the dooms and it was almost supper time. As i went to the second floor i noticed that cell 217 door was pulled shut. I walk up to that cell and noticed an inmate standing facing towards the door, and i can see him through his wondow, leaning against the edge of the beds in the corner with a magazine in one hand and his erect penis in the other hand jackn off. I grabed his door in slung it open til it locked open and then yelled " All call"! all u could hear in the cell was " o shit!!" The entire doorm started laughing at him. Needless to say he didnt go to chow cause he was inbarrassed. LOL

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

Ive wored SMU Units or awhile now and you can always get a kick ou of the crazys as lon as there not trying to kill themselves out eat there own crap..... I had a guy when I worked at GDCP Super High Max in GA this inmate was in a wheel chair and one day I went out to the yard to bring the inmates in I saw him up doing jumping jacks... None of the inmates saw me so I went and got my partner.. We took the unit video camera and stood on the bunk of an empty cell and video taped him out of the window we showed it to the head of (Med) then our unit manager we lauged our asses off... We then took the inmate into a shake down room and took the wheel chair from him... All the inmates laughed at his ass.... The next day we had to extract him for trying to throw urine at Me and med staff... It was so so funny... I have this Inmate were I work now that just sits in his cell and laughs l day. He chokes when eating because he cant stop laughing wh knows... I and another officer was escorting an inmate one day and he was hand cuffed infront when we got to the court house he was standing beside his lawyer before the judge came in all the sudden the other officer said what in the hell is he doing... The inmate had started masturbating in pain sitein public... Needless to say he was being charged with lood sexual acts in pubic... Go figure.....

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

I would have to say that is the love letters that I read every now and then when I am conducting an investigation. You would be amazed of some of the stuff I have read....oh yeah, not to mention some of the phone calls that I monitor.........

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Rate This | Posted over 6 years ago

 

I SAW an officer shoot a plastic skeleton in a science lab while doing a room search once....that was both scary and funny,,,,and nooooo he didn't get the chance to do it again......CAN WE SAY "that's where crossing guards are formed".....???


It is what it is.............and.........these things too shall pass.

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Rate This | Posted about 6 years ago

 

I've seen some that is more sick than funny. But I still remember the funniest thing I heard was one guy I was booking for a DUI who was being a real ass told me he had cervical cancer

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Rate This | Posted about 6 years ago

 

jcolle1975 says ...



I've seen some that is more sick than funny. But I still remember the funniest thing I heard was one guy I was booking for a DUI who was being a real ass told me he had cervical cancer



 


That guy must get around cuse we've had one in our jail say the same thing.


 


 


__________________
Master Mason 32º - Howard Lodge #69

First comes smiles, then lies. Last is gunfire.
-Roland Deschain, of Gilead

Disturb not the Dragon.
For thou art crunchy and
good with catchup.

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Rate This | Posted about 6 years ago

 

the huge pink elephant painted on the wall in one of our seg. cells

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Rated +2 | Posted about 6 years ago

 

Had a con report to the officer station in his unit and tell them he "Mistakenly sat on his roll on deodorent bottle", and got it stuck in his anus. Unfortunately I had to escort him to the outside hospital where the doctor that removed it told us that it was 6 inches up his anus, and there was no way it was an accident getting it that far up.


"To secure ourselves against defeat lies in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself."
-Sun Tzu-

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Rate This | Posted about 6 years ago

 

I always get a kick out of the newbies (inmates) who come up to me and ask if they can get their bingo cards. I always tell them we don't play bingo, but tommorrow is the day you sign up for the guard verse inmate softball game. The day room always erupts in laughter.


http://www.fowlergaragedoorservice.com

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Rate This | Posted about 6 years ago

 

I have seen some pretty funny stuff.  Me as a female superior, our jail does not like us to pat down the male inmates.  Well anytime an inmate comes out of his cell, they are patted down on the spot.  I was trying to teach this FNG to pat down these inmates.  Well I told him to get on the wall and teach him exactly how I wanted him to pat down the male inmates.  Well needless to say he felt violated.  I told him, if the inmates don't feel violated they didn't get a good pat down.  So he goes down this train of inmates learning to pat them down, and he gets to one of our lovely hillbilly goofy inmates who wasn't wearing underwear and my FNG received a nice view of his rear end.  He still catches grief over it. h

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Rate This | Posted about 6 years ago

 

I have seen some pretty funny stuff.  Me as a female superior, our jail does not like us to pat down the male inmates.  Well anytime an inmate comes out of his cell, they are patted down on the spot.  I was trying to teach this FNG to pat down these inmates.  Well I told him to get on the wall and teach him exactly how I wanted him to pat down the male inmates.  Well needless to say he felt violated.  I told him, if the inmates don't feel violated they didn't get a good pat down.  So he goes down this train of inmates learning to pat them down, and he gets to one of our lovely hillbilly goofy inmates who wasn't wearing underwear and my FNG received a nice view of his rear end.  He still catches grief over it. 

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Rate This | Posted about 6 years ago

 

When I worked in nursing, I was visiting a patient and her husband was in a bedroom of the home loading a shotgun. I heard a clicking sound and asked the woman who was in the bedroom and she told me to go and check it out, the patient is disable wheel chair person. As I entered the bed room I saw the man cursing with the shot gun in his hand, so I tried to talk with the man and have him to put the gun in the closet, he refused to do so, I called 911 and he was arrested. I never knew what his problem was; however, the officers arrived stated, they had been to the home once before for the same problem!!!!

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Rate This | Posted about 6 years ago

 

JWH911 says ...



When I worked in nursing, I was visiting a patient and her husband was in a bedroom of the home loading a shotgun. I heard a clicking sound and asked the woman who was in the bedroom and she told me to go and check it out, the patient is disable wheel chair person. As I entered the bed room I saw the man cursing with the shot gun in his hand, so I tried to talk with the man and have him to put the gun in the closet, he refused to do so, I called 911 and he was arrested. I never knew what his problem was; however, the officers arrived stated, they had been to the home once before for the same problem!!!!



how is that funny?


 


 


anywho, We have a detainee in the SHU that likes to paint with his feces, I asked him why and he told me "we all have an artist in ourselfs, just gotta find your pallet and paint". im like geeze why must it be your crap and my cell wall.


our shift we like to play jokes on each other especially our supervisors, working the SHU I get to see alot. one time My sarge walked in, I was like "aye sarge cell 22 wants to talk to you" so she walks up to his cell, looks in, and right away turns around reder than hell. The guy was masturbating lolz


liberty or death, what we so proudly hail, once you provoke her. You will hear the rattling of her tail. She will return with a deadly bite, so dont tread on me

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

Well working in corrections you pretty much see everything from the most disgusting things to the things that make you laugh so hard that you almost throw up because your stomach hurts. Well, it was dinner chow time for my unit. The culinary made a lemon cake with frosting on it. Normally we do not allow inmate to take culinary food back with them to the unit however since feeding was running behind we got the ok. So I was stationed in the control bubble for my unit. As I was observing inmates returning to the unit from chow, I noticed a few inmates in and in front of cell 41. As I was watching, some inmate walks out of the cell with cake all over his head. Then the inmate starts to eat the cake off of his head. I then call the inmate to the control bubble and ask him what happened. He stated that a friend of his was messing around and he got cake on him. At that time, I made an announcement for all inmates to stay away from cell 41 because the inmate inside was excited right now as you can see the guy with white stuff all over his head. The whole tier started laughing and doing their cat calls out on the tier. I do not believe that inmate will be doing any funny business for awhile since I embarrassed him on the tier.

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

In my facility since its so small we just put chairs out in front of their cells, then let parents visit with them.  So during my regular check through the cell block, Mom was talking to son as usual, but mom was acting more "usual" than regular so I changed my patrol and returned in about 5 minutes, and found mom open mouth kissing her son, yes her son, through the food port she opened  to do so.  Needless to say she was drug out of the facility.  After speaking to the proper authorities about this they did absolutely nothing.  Later on after their attourney made a big stink and got visitation back we found them attempting "other things" too so it was a on again off again fight with their attourney.


However mother has since overdosed, and he was sent down to california juvenile so now they get to deal with him unfortunately

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

one day while making my rounds i saw an inmate that broke his soap up and made it into the shape of a cell phone. he put a pen cap on the top after using it to carve out the keypad and screen.


i also heard about a trustee that was picking up change in the front lobby and when they caught him he was trying to buy a snickers.


ive heard about a prank one deputy pulled on a new boot. he called and pretended like the sargeant and told the new boot to put on his scott air pack and run to booking (the other side of the jail) and that he was being timed. so the deputy put on his SAP and took off toward booking. many other deputies attempted to stop him while he was running but he insisted that sarge told him he had to go and that he was being timed. needless to say when he finally stopped and realized that it was a joke he was pretty embarrassed.

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

We had an inmate decide he wanted to charge an officer.  Of course he ended up being tasered.  The entire time he was feeling effects of the taser he kept saying " Oh God, oh God, oh God!!"  After the taser stopped he said "Oh God I've got to pee."  I  almost wet myself from laughing afterward.

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

while working at the FCI Federal Female Prision Camp in Arizona, the female work detail had returned from their project at the Forest Service. Upon their shake down, a viberator was found on one of the female inmates. When asked where she got it, she stated she found it at the forest on work detail and forget to turn it in.  When we were doing her incident hearing, we had her walk in and report and everyone at the hearing responded with mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.(viberating sound). She felt silly after that and the rest of the female population started giving the viberation sound when she entered the area,

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Rate This | Posted almost 6 years ago

 

A couple of nights ago, we had to use force on an inmate who assaulted an Officer.  The incident happened at 0250.  At 0320, the inmates mother called the Lt and wnated to know why we had beaten her son!  Lt asked her where she got her information from, and she told him the name and cell of the inmate who had called her from his cell phone.


Use of force and illegal contraband - we were doing paperwork for hours!


Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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Rate This | Posted about 5 years ago

 

I have seen alot of thngs over the years.  I would say that I can have a sick sense of humor do I should not go into details.  But on thing sticks out in my mind as not being funny but amazed.  During a block check one night I found a 6 foot christmas tree with all the fixins. 

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