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WHAT HAPPNED TO MY "FRIENDS"

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Posted about 7 years ago

 

Its funny to me that after I got out of the service I come home and I tell friends, family that I want to become a LEO! and its funny all the sudden their like parinoid has this happned to any one else! Its as if they all are up to no good in some fashion! HAS THIS HAPPNED TO ANY ONE ELSE????

Halo3_chief_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I havent got anything from friends but my family is worried that something will happen to me. I am going from Marine Infatry to LEO.

0930121924_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

That will happen, they see you as a officer first, then a friend second sometimes. I sometimes wonder myself why I hang out with friends off duty they still want to talk to Officer Stalker. But, I also see their point, once you make a policeman, its a lifestyle not a job and we should stand out and be role models. Just my thoughts, but it happens to some.


I love each day like its my last! Why do we are have to be so serious?

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Welcome to our world.

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

WELL I GUESS THATS THE LIFE PROBROBLY WOULD GET ME TROUBLE ANYWAYS.

0930121924_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

If you become a cop or are a cop you have a family, we are all brothers out here. We can fight, disagree, but never turn a back when one is in trouble. We stand together, and if your friends out side do not want to, then that's their lose.


I love each day like its my last! Why do we are have to be so serious?

Photo_user_banned_big

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

GTS197 said:

Welcome to our world.

ditto

Just_passin__thru_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

What GTS197 and DetSgt said.

It's all true.


The Guy !
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Wv_patch_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

It is rather difficult for civilians to fully comprehend and appreciate the "role" we have evolved into. As such, many of my civilian friends do treat me a little different. I mostly just hang out with le friends.

Police-19_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Friends act like you just cut a loud stinky one in church and seperate from you, Family just get worried about you


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K9_smile_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I do agree. I also noticed in myself that I was not going out with friends because of me. I started looking at things diffrent and I became very causious.

Meangreen01_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

My experience, the condensed story: Before joining I was much loved by family and friends a like. My girlfriend (now wife) had the greatest of expectations about cop life that I did my best to dispel. She and her family had built up a fairytale around what they thought a cop's life should be like. I knew the truth though, my father is a cop and his father before him, and so on. After the academy and marriage I stopped associating with some "friends" who didn't understand and in some ways I suppose I'd outgrown. Others seemed to disappear from my companionship. In fact I ended up only retaining 2 friends in all. I married and then had in-laws. My in-laws didn't understand my long hours and increased distrust of the general public and I was labeled abusive by my mother-in-law. I never hit my wife, nor did I ever demean or control her. My mother-in-law simply could not understand that this is my life, I was no longer the happy-go-lucky guy she remembered. I had become more than just a man at the academy, I had become a cop.

There are 3 types of people in the world: sheep, wolves, and sheepdogs. Sheep roam about fairly oblivious of the world around them happy to go about their lives. Wolves prey on the sheep with dire intent. Sheepdogs protect the sheep as they've been trained to do, they do it with no regard to their own safety when the wolf approaches. The funny thing is that the sheep fear both the wolf and the sheepdog. If you are the sheepdog, expect to be feared and misunderstood the rest of your life.


"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." ~ George Orwell

"Honor First!"

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9-11-logo_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

amenra550, I am a chaplain, not a cop, so what I have to share is from observation, not personal experience with my own friends-- though I could tell you some similar stories about friends (and family) who had difficulty with my becoming a priest.

I think one thing that happens is this: many people do not know any cops socially, so the only time they have contact is professionally, and then there is something else that is the focus of attention-- they are getting a ticket, or they've been in an accident, or they are reporting a crime. They have a lot of curiosity about cops, but they can't really ask their questions when they are in those sorts of situations.

Then their friend becomes a cop, and it is their chance to ask all their questions. So for awhile, you are not just their friend, you are their source for the "inside scoop" on cops.

Because people know I am a police chaplain, I get a lot of questions about cops, or complaints about how some cop dealt with some situation. I get questions like, "Why are cops so cold on traffic stops? I was just speeding, I'm not a murderer!"

I take questions like that as "teaching moments" and try to help them understand something about the realities of a cop's life. Sometimes I am able to open their eyes a little, sometimes their ideas are too firmly fixed for me to budge them-- too much TV!

It is hard, sometimes, not to become defensive because I can hear the judgment in their questions. But I figure, this is my chance to educate John Q. Public and I should take advantage of the opportunity-- otherwise how will he ever learn?

I think it is important for cops to try to keep some non-LEO friends, just as it is important for me to have non-clergy friends. As nice as it is to have buddies who understand your life, anyone's focus can become too narrow if they ONLY have contacts within one particular field, no matter how interesting and challenging that field may be.

9-11-logo_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

As for family, aside from the safety issues, it is perhaps discombobulating to them when they see you changing, as one DOES change in work that comes with an identity. Suddenly a person they know like the back of their hand is doing things that mystify them-- clearly beginning to think and react differently than they used to. You enter a different world than they inhabit, and they may fear losing you in some sense.

Plus, do not underestimate the power and authority issues. When baby brother or sister becomes an authority figure, that's a big change.

Again, it takes a lot of patience but it is an opportunity to educate them and you CAN bring some of them along with you. And brother, you will need all the support you can get. Family can be an invaluable support, and it is well worth your while in the long run to be patient with them as they learn about this new phase of your life.

Shedevil2_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

the thing is your point of reference on just what a friend is ....have many acquaintances , many i share the thin blue with , but very few friends . those that are few know me as i am . the same before i became le and me now............reevaluate your definition of friend and you just might find those same people that you thought were friends were never really friends at all....................as for this job , it is indeed a lifestyle , one i do well and i wouldn't have it any other way...............


...don't play with me , i'll keep you way up after your bedtime.....

Meangreen01_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

How I reinterpreted friend after growing up some and becoming a LEO:

Friend - a person of intimate acquaintance who places your benefit above or equal to their own.

Implicit trust is a must to fit into this definition. I have 2 friends outside my family.


"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." ~ George Orwell

"Honor First!"

MODERATOR #1 & PL Mentoring Team Member

Lake_front_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I hang out with 3 local officers. They do their jobs and then turn back into real people !

Bluebarb_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I really don't have any "friends" as many people call them. I have acquaintences that I see every now and then but most of my off duty time is spent with my wife and kids. I don't go "out" so to say unless my wife is with me. I've been told that this isn't healthy and that I need to hang out with people other than my family but I've been this way for a long time and it works for me. I think my hang up with the "friends" thing is that I hold myself to a higher standard since I've started working LEO and find that many of the people I used to hang around with don't meet my expectations when it comes to professionalism and integrity in life in general. This could be a flaw in my life but its the way I am, my wife accepts it. It hasn't hurt me in any way so I don't try to chang it.


Kyle313
Deputy Sheriff/Corrections Officer

1z6tp9w_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

yes it has happened to me too with friends, and some family oh well your new friends in LEO will be better. because they understand you from a job point of view ,and your old friends don't.

Piper_icon_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

I've found that the more "friends" you have, the more they demand from you. One or two friends is more than enough for me!

1979_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

What AZMeanGreen said about the Sheep, Wolves and Sheepdogs is a great analogy! We are unfortunately now feared by both. Many of your friends will see you as "changed" and someone who is to be feared in case they do something wrong. Some unfortunately will see you as being a "Oreo" and traitor to your race following the white man. The good part about that is that those people are the ones you don't want to be near anyway and it is good you found out about their true mindset. You are suddenly "Blue" and after a bit of hazing will be accepted into the greatest family in the world. The Brotherhood of LEO's is something that really is amazing. You may not even appreciate that fact until after you retire and travel around some meeting other Officers, Deputies, Troopers, Agents, etc from around the nation and the world. You really will find it amazing. Welcome onboard my soon to be brother.

Th_plugman1_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

You will also get family that will shy away from you as well. Don't take it to heart people usually feel uncomfortable around "big brother". They assume once we put a badge on we don't drink or go out and become normal after the shift is over. Usually when friends seperate from you than they feel like they can't trust you anymore. Close family will always worry. My parents are the worriers, I have a sister who would taunt me after a night out saying, "you didn't catch me last night", because she was DUI, but she was the first to call me when she would get in trouble to try to have me get her out of it. Sorry it doesn't work that way. You will become suspicious of people that are not LE because you wonder if they really want to be your friend or they want someone they can call to get them out of trouble when they get in it. They are usually the ones that drop names when they get pulled over.

Trex_comp_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Yup, for the most part, this is our life. But if you really stop and think about it, when you weren't a cop, what did your friends do? Were they all perfect angels? Most likely not. Most have had done SOMETHING or another that hiding from the cops was the thing to do. Hell I did it. Trespassing on tops of schools (that was fun, but we saw a cop and ran to hide but too late... we were snagged)

Many of my friends were somewhat into the mj scene... some other misc destructive means... but... kids are kids... however now a days, that's not so much the petty stuff anymore. But once you gather the lifestyle of the cop, you go back to ur bud who still smokes pot once in a blue moon and say "hey dude, can you not do that anymore?" and well, you have 2 outcomes... 1) sure bud, your friendship means more than this stupid high... or 2) fawk you dude, why you trying to change me? you become some cop and now you have to change my life???

I still have many aquantiances because, well, the hours I work, I rarely see my peops when they normally go out. My few friends I claim as friends have been there for me through thick and thin and didn't bat an eye when I said I was becoming law enforcement. Others, well, they gradually disappeared or expected me to continue to accept their way of life in my presence. I'm not jeopardizing my career, my life, for some "friend" who doesn't want to grow up and get a real life.

It's sad, but it's our lifestyle. I thought it wouldn't change me when I started... but it does. You see things different, you look at people different, you meet people and your things you looked for in friends/aquantances have changed. You now semi interrogate new folks in ways you'd never dreamed of and half the time you don't realize you're doing it. Our level of trust is FAR different after the tango with reality.


"Indecision may or may not be my problem." ~ Jimmy Buffett

Trex_comp_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

SGT1202 said:

You will also get family that will shy away from you as well. Don't take it to heart people usually feel uncomfortable around "big brother". They assume once we put a badge on we don't drink or go out and become normal after the shift is over. Usually when friends seperate from you than they feel like they can't trust you anymore. Close family will always worry. My parents are the worriers, I have a sister who would taunt me after a night out saying, "you didn't catch me last night", because she was DUI, but she was the first to call me when she would get in trouble to try to have me get her out of it. Sorry it doesn't work that way. You will become suspicious of people that are not LE because you wonder if they really want to be your friend or they want someone they can call to get them out of trouble when they get in it. They are usually the ones that drop names when they get pulled over.

You are so right! I really didn't think of the family (because 99% of them I've forgotten by now anyways). I'm the first certified law enforcement person in my family. My mother was a jailer when I grew up. They slowly started shying away from our family from my mother's choice of job, but then once I nabbed Dep Shf, I only get remembered by 2 cousins and my immediate family. The rest, well, honestly, they prolly should be behind bars anyways. If I go to visit my dad in TN, they all disappear. How convienant. Pssshaw!


"Indecision may or may not be my problem." ~ Jimmy Buffett

11_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Well now you have weeded out the bad frineds you will make some new one's

Th_plugman1_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

TejasTRex, I understand completely. I had a cousin who was on the run for DUI causing death. I heard he was in a neighboring town, so I gave them a heads up. I later was told by extended family that if I arrested him I would have problems. Needless to say I told them to kiss my a$$ and if they wanted to come that they knew where I was. Even family can get pretty ugly when you start telling them they have to go to jail. My mother's side of the family are not the greatest of people, so family reunions and get togethers are not what I attend. I take things like this with a grain of salt. If people can't respect that I am doing my job then piss on them, I'm not going to go out of my way to make people like me. I didn't get into this job to make friends, and I mean public. I knew that I would gain a lot of other real freinds and that was LEO.

702928025505_0_alb_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Hmmmm, I wouldn't say I had too many problems with my good friends. I think they respected my career choice. However we did need to sit down and discuss my crazy schedule and having priorities. As for family. I never discuss anything with my mother. I once told her a story about being a short vehicle pursuit, foot chase and having a guy at gunpoint and she almost passed out. So, I say nothing and she is happy. I don't need to surround myself with cops all the time either. I love my civillian friends. They don't bash me and I don't bash them.

Jl-37w_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

After getting married to an LEO, I lost a lot of friends and many are leary to become my friend. Just remember...the one's that do...are your true friends!!! I've also noticed that when we do do anything most conversation revolves around (non-police friends) what happens when?, what can I do if?, etc... But I do enjoy the new FAMILY that I have come to know and the support they provide. SGT1202 I hear you I turned in my sister for child neglect/drugs that my mom and dad didn't see, but my husband noticed. My family is finally speaking to me, not my sister though. It's a great set of family and friends that I gained when I got married...Love all of them and respect everything they do!!!

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

Well ive thought about this and Ive come to the conclusion that perhaps they might have some thing to hide some of my wifes family are pot heads so their probrobly parinoid ,lol, but I agree with everyones comments though in the Army that was a life and ever since Ive never really liked the civillian mind set their lazy and un motivated for my family I think Id rather have positive inffluences so if these people say bye then perhaps its for the best!

Cup_of_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 7 years ago

 

My expieriance has been pretty much the same as all above. Then I look at some of those friends and see them getting in trouble and realize they weren't worth missing. Not that I missed any too much. One got caught up in a bad divorce and his wife said he was commiting check fraud, and recently 3 were arrested in the biggest robbery in the County! Guess they were aquaintances, since I only knew them from other jobs. Even guys I knew in the Marine Corps are getting busted. One of my kids turned around and started selling MJ right off Camp Pendleton. Now a Marine who I taught to instruct recruits how to shoot is being brought up on charges of manslaughter in Iraq. Guess thats why my wife is my best and only friend.

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