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Ten Common Ways to NOT Get Hired

Ten Common Ways to NOT Get Hired

Sgt. Betsy Brantner Smith

You don’t really want to be a cop, do you? Fighting crime, saving lives, big guns, fast cars, a cool uniform, hot calls; that stuff’s not for you. The hours are long, the gratitude is short-lived, and there may occasionally be people trying to kill you when you’re just trying to make a living and do a little good. Take some advice from the front lines of police hiring and training, here’s ten way to make sure you do not get hired by any law enforcement agency.

10. That 20-page application they want you to fill out? Just consider that pesky document merely a guideline; they can’t possibly expect you to waste your time filling out every single box, blank, and question. Why would anyone really want a certified copy of your high school transcripts, an official duplicate of your birth certificate, and an accurate list of everywhere you’ve ever worked or lived.? Do they really need to know how to contact your grandparents, your old roommate and your college resident assistant? Just fill out what you can, you’ll have plenty of time to show them how organized and thorough you are once they bring you on board as one of their officers.

9. Don’t worry about your level of fitness. Police testing can take a long time; you may sit on an eligibility list for months, even years, before you begin the academy. So why worry about what kind of shape you’re in? Wait until you get confirmation that you’re about to start recruit training to get serious about working out, especially if you have youth on your side. You played high school football, you’re on a summer softball league, and you’re awesome at Wii boxing so you’ll get in shape in no time, right?

8. Always remember that you are owed a good police job. Don’t think that you have to work hard, prove yourself, or compete with anyone else; you are entitled to this opportunity. After all, how many people are willing to make the sacrifices you’ll have to make as a crimefighter: working shifts, facing down armed criminals, cutting your hair really short? They should feel fortunate that you’ve chosen to apply at their agency, and it’s that agency’s responsibility to make sure your career dreams are realized.

7. Make sure your social networking sites show what a fun-loving party animal you really are. The person doing your background check will certainly get a chuckle out of that picture of you passed out in front of your fraternity’s record-breaking beer can pyramid. And those racy boudoir portraits you had taken for your ex-boyfriend, the ones of you wearing nothing but a toy shoulder holster and a smile? I’m sure the chief of police will understand that it’s not your fault that your ex posted them on his My Space page after you guys broke up, complete with all of your contact information. Besides, the cops can’t actually access that stuff, can they? Can they!?

6. Why worry about your personal appearance? “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” isn’t that what your grandma always said? You’re applying to be a cop, not a Marine or a Wall Street broker. When you show up for the physical agility test, everyone is sure to love your Female Body Inspector t-shirt you bought in Cancun, or be impressed with those Victoria’s Secret PINK short shorts you just got at the mall. Besides, that scruffy Brad Pitt look or the high school Goth girl fashion statement may be just what they’re looking for in the Narcotics Unit of the agency you’re applying for.

5. Don’t bother to read anything more difficult or thought provoking than the latest issue of People magazine or your buddy’s fantasy football blog. Even though studies show that the number one predictor of success in the police academy is your level of reading comprehension, you did more than enough reading in school, and it was painfully boring then. Reading actual books interferes with your emailing, texting, Skyping, and keeping up with all that great reality TV. You’ll have no problem catching up once you’re in the academy.

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  • Photo_user_blank_big

    Polaris

    over 4 years ago

    8 Comments

    I loved this article. I understood the sarcasm, and I appreciate it. Quick tip, most social networking sites have a way for you to shut down your account if you already have those racy or inappropriate pictures or stories, as well as a way to get those vindictive private pictures your ex posts. Good luck fellow future cops.

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    Ferelyn45

    over 4 years ago

    2 Comments

    I am 25 and currently enrolled in a criminal justice program. It is quite shocking to see all the kids in their second semester that all have some kind of black mark against them already. The truly shocking part is that they are all proud of their misdeeds.

  • 21122007861_max50

    delvic_25

    over 4 years ago

    372 Comments

    hmmmmmm

  • Car6_max50

    Ahi

    over 4 years ago

    1990 Comments

    hmm...

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    Anonymous

    over 4 years ago

    I agree with siscosolid... However it'll be a big "welcome to the real world" slap in the face when someone reading this would actually try it out! And when the citizens that want to be in LE are so unethical rude and take the majority around them for granted why post something that shows they care for them? Look at what they need to be in order to be a Police Officer. Look at the generations growing up. There needs to be someone to stand up to the new thought process and lack of ethics now especially in these hard times...... Some of the departments Ive applies with are just now realizing the major contractors and business owners that they've hired are only there for job security not because its their calling which bums out people like me that work sooo hard to get into LE and I get turned down cause one of those 100 business men just got the spot! People think its a joke and I think thats where this sarcasm is coming from!

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    fujikoma_81

    over 4 years ago

    2 Comments

    What is with this? are they that desperate to get new recruits in? I am trying very hard to be a police officer, i am not sure how to feel about this.

  • Graduation_2009_university_of_phoenix_016_max50

    gillia2003

    over 4 years ago

    6 Comments

    Thanks sterlingcat12001

    I do not want to be police officer, I have finish school and want to be a Figerprint Tech or Evidence Tech. I will just have to see thanks

  • John_bike_max50

    sterlingcat12001

    over 4 years ago

    260 Comments

    @gillia2003

    I just found out that some agencies will hire after age 35 for only working in the jail/corrections.

  • John_bike_max50

    sterlingcat12001

    over 4 years ago

    260 Comments

    @gillia2003

    Most agencies quit taking people after the age of 35, it sounds like discrimination, but nothing can be done about it.

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    Anonymous

    over 4 years ago

    This would be even more hilarious were it not true for a very big section of college entrants and, in some cases, grads. They seem to think the world/job they want is owed to them, and on a silver platter at that. The way I was raised and I work, you work hard, pay your dues, show you're committed to the team and the cause, and sometimes it actually works out. All in all, made for great reading and chuckling!

  • Photo_user_banned_big

    LonghornFan

    over 4 years ago

    14 Comments

    Great article! I agree with most all of what it says.... I have to really agree with Watership1975. In times like these there is usually more to the story when it comes to ones work history and finances. To me that's not a reason to throw their app out right from the start. That's what the interview/ oral board is for. Just my thoughts. Everyone stay safe out there!!!!

  • Graduation_2009_university_of_phoenix_016_max50

    gillia2003

    over 4 years ago

    6 Comments

    Well this is just a great article except no one will hire me and I have put in application all over the US . I want to work within the law enforcement field and what am I doing wrong that no one want to hire a black female at the age of 46
    Please someone tell me

  • Joshinsig_max50

    Bullet_Proof_83

    over 4 years ago

    20 Comments

    This is hilarious! It's going well with my coffee this morning.

  • Sb__me_max50

    mserver4813

    over 4 years ago

    4 Comments

    For the final three, you can go to the bottom of the page and click on #3.

  • In_remembrance_of_oakland_pd_max160_max50

    Legion

    over 4 years ago

    518 Comments

    Funny article but incredibly accurate. Just a couple weeks ago I had two (young) guys come through my office door, uhshaven, wearing t-shirts, shorts and sandles asking questions about what my department could to for them... no appointment, didn't ask if I had a moment to talk with them, and never once had any idea of who they were talking to (I am the Chief). When I sent them packing they were disgruntled and mumbling about what a stiff-necked old hard-head I was. The funny part was that two days later I was having lunch with a fellow chief and he told me, "I hear you made an impression on a couple of my employees! Why'd you throw them out of your office?" I guess he didn't know that his officers were representing his department so "professionally". He laughed when I told him how they were dressed. Being interrogated about how I could help them didn't help their situation any either. Oddly enough, even though I told them to come back some time when they were dressed to apply for a position, I haven't seen them since. Go figure!

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